Lost
by themindofmine
Summary: Cutler meets a woman who has no idea of who she is and a past that she can't seem to get away from. Matt and Robin have some differnce of opinions on marrige and as Jess's due date grows near her emotions and fears grow stronger.
1. Chapter 1

LOST

Chapter One

The Rockingham was quiet for a Friday night. Jim Cutler walked in and sat at the bar. Jake was at his normal place behind the bar.

"Beer Cutler?"

"Yeah."

"Haven't seen you here in awhile."

"Been a little busy busting bad guys." Cutler took a sip of his beer. "How's things with you?"

"Good. Megan starts high school in the fall."

"Now I feel old."

"You're just a classic old man. I heard you nailed Kitrick. How's Jess dealing with the drama?"

"Jess and Morgan are meeting me for dinner. They should be here any minute." Cutler looked at the end of the bar. "Who's the blond?'

"Don't know. She's been here for an hour staring at her drink." Cutler took another drink of his beer. "You're having dinner with Jess and her husband?"

"Yeah. Just because she married someone else doesn't mean we can't be friends." Jake shook his head.

"I though you would of killed each other by now." Cutler laughed and looked at the blond again. She looked familiar.

"Not yet we haven't." Jess sat at the bar next to Cutler. "Though I think he pushes my buttons to see if I will."

"Hey Jess."

"Jake." He poured her a sprite and put it on the bar.

"Where is that husband of yours?"

"He had to make a phone call." Cutler looked at Jess.

"The woman at the end of the bar, does she look familiar to you?" Jess looked at her over Cutler's shoulder.

"Maybe…no, not really."

"I've seen her before and I can't put a finger on it."

"Maybe she was one of the many faceless blonds you forgot while trying to forget about me?"

"Yeah that's it." Jess smiled and glanced over at the woman.

"She does have that familiar something about her. Like maybe a commercial or something." Derek came in.

"Hotch said to say hi." He kissed his wife.

"MMM was that from Hotch too?"

"No, that was from Spencer." Jess smiled.

"Wow, he's a great kisser." Cutler rolled his eyes.

"Focus Jess." Jess looked at Cutler.

"Just ask her man. I've knowing you for twenty five years and your not shy." He shook his head. "Hell invite her to dinner, the more the merrier."

"Okay. Yeah just walk up to her and say hey you look like a woman I thought I knew lets have dinner." Jess looked over his shoulder again and Derek did too. He squinted.

"No, he's right. She does look familiar." Jess shook her head.

"Okay of course the men would remember her." Derek laughed as he looked up something on his PDA. "Cutler go talk to her." He turned and grabbed his beer.

"Here goes nothing." Derek stood where Cutler had been so Jess could spy on him without looking like the mother hen she was being.

"You really need to stop mothering him Jess." Jake handed him a beer.

"I know. I just feel responsible for him, kinda, sorta."

"He broke your heart remember." She watched him.

"I know but you fixed mine. Now I need to know someone can fix him."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Hi." Cutler appoched the woman. She looked up.

"Hello." She looked at him. "Who are you?"

"Jim Cutler. And you must be new around here." She stared at him with haunting green eyes.

"I…I really don't know you do I?" He looked at her.

"No. I just introduced myself."

"Then you don't know me?" He looked at her.

"No. Are you okay?"

"No…I don't think I am."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Jess look at this." Derek showed her a video. It was of a woman. A dead woman. Luietenant Miranda Blake, USMC.

"That can't be right." Jess looked at the woman. "She died in Bagdad sixteen months ago."

"Appearently she didn't." Derek looked at Cutler talking to the woman. "Either that or Cutler's hitting on a ghost."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"My friend over there is a trained medic. Would you like her to take a look at you?" The woman looked at Jess.

"Maybe I should see the sheriff."

"Me and my friends are High Mountain Rangers. Maybe we can help you."

"Do you know who I am?" Jess came up to them.

"You don't know who you are?"

"No. I woke up this morning in the bus station here and…something drew me here." She waved in front of her. Jess handed Cutler Derek's PDA.

"My friends and I thought we knew you from somewhere. We might know who you are." Jess knew better then springing it on her. "We were just heading to dinner. Why don't you join us?" She looked down at her clothes that were half way decent. She was a little thinner then the video taken two years ago.

"I guess I could eat." She looked at Jess. "What's my name?"

"Miranda."

"Shouldn't you take me someplace...?" Cutler put his hand on her shoulder.

"Dinner sounds good and then we can head back to the station and figure this all out." The woman nodded.

"Thank you for being so nice to me." Jess smiled. Cutler helped Miranda off the bar stool and on with her jacket. Derek pulled Jess aside.

"Jess we can't just take this woman to dinner like she's a woman Cutler met in a bar. She's a missing Marine."

"Technically she's a dead Marine." Derek shook his head.

"We could loose our credentials if we mess with the government Jess."

"Do I look scared?" Derek closed his eyes.

"No, that's what scares me." He looked at Cutler talking to the woman. "Who do you call when you find a dead Marine alive?" He turned back to her and she had her phone to her ear.

"Jesse Hawkes."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

After a quick dinner Jess, Derek and Cutler brought Miranda to the station. Jesse was waiting for them along with Matt and Cody. Jesse talked to Miranda while Cody showed the others what he had found.

"Lieutenant Miranda Blake died sixteen months ago when a road side bomb blew up the convoy she was supervising. She was alive when they got her to the field hospital but she died on the way to the base hospital. Her body wasn't shipped back to the states till a week ago."

"Why would they wait that long to send a body home?" Jess looked at her brother.

"She had no family. They were trying to get her a tomb in Arlington something was holding it up so they shipped her body to Twenty Nine Palms to bury her there. Her body never showed up."

"Maybe because she's not dead." They looked at the woman Jesse was talking to. "Who did dad say we should contact? Jess looked back at Cody.

"Nobody right now. He wants to know what the last thing she remembers was." Derek looked at the file Cody was holding.

"You said she had no family?"

"None. Her parents died when she was doing her first tour back in ninety-nine. They went scuba diving in Australia and a rip tide swept them away." Jess shook her head.

"She had nobody and the government thinks she dead. Poor woman." Matt looked at his sister.

"We just got out from under a ton of trouble. Keeping her here we're asking for a ton more." He looked at the four people who helped him keep the place running smoothly. "I'm up for it if you are." They laughed and all agreed that finding what really happened to Lieutenant Miranda Blake was now their first priority.

(Sorry I didn't mean to start before I finished Beginnings but I had to do it before it slipped out of my head. ENJOY!)


	2. Chapter 2

Lost

Chapter Two

Jess sat at her desk and looked over the files in front of her. It was late and Cody and Matt had gone home hours ago. Derek was in the kitchen with Cutler and the dead Marine. Maybe they should of rethought taking on this burden so soon after getting Kitrick out of their lives. Jess looked at Cutler talking to Miranda. No, they needed to help this woman. Cutler got up and walked to the front desk.

"Have you gotten a hold of JT?" She shook her head.

"He's been off the radar for over a month. His men can't or won't tell me where he is but I have a message in to everyone who knows him."

"I don't how long we can keep her here without raising suspicion."

"You know I got that covered. Does she remember anything?"

"No. Just waking up at the bus station." He looked at the woman sitting across from Derek. "Maybe Derek can use his profiler powers of persuasion to figure it out." Jess smiled.

"Last time he used those on a woman look what happened." She pointed to her expanding waist line. Cutler laughed.

"I'll put a stop to it before it gets that far." He looked at his friend. "I'm putting her up in your old room tonight. After that I don't know what we can do."

"Dad's calling around. Maybe by morning we can figure out what the plan is."

"You and Derek should get home and get some sleep. Tomorrow could be a long day." Jess looked at the paperwork.

"I'll clean up my mess before midnight." Jess looked at Miranda. "I can't imagine forgetting everything about my life."

"I bet there is some things you wish you could forget." She looked at him.

"Not even that one night." She stood up and started cleaning off her desk. Cutler watched her for a minute then got up.

"That's the one night I wish I could." Jess looked at him.

"I know." Tuning away from him Cutler headed back to the kitchen.

*-*-*-*-*--*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"Why won't you tell me who I am?" The blond woman looked at Derek.

"We still have some checking to do. We don't want to tell you things and be wrong. My wife and brother-in-law are checking all the data banks they can to make sure you are who we think you are." Cutler came in.

"Why don't you get some sleep? I'm sending Jess and Derek home for the night." She looked at him with those hunting green eyes.

"I'm a little too wired to sleep." Derek got up.

"Maybe you should try. Once you start to relax maybe sleep will come." Miranda looked at the two men in front of her.

"I may not remember anything but I know I don't like being bullied." She stood up. For the first time since they met her she stood up straight and with a purpose.

"Nobodies bulling you Miranda, we just need you to rest?"

"I'm fine." She walked past them into the front office and found Jess filling papers. "Are they always that bossy?" Jess looked up at the woman.

"Not to me. They know better."

"Could you tell them that I'm fine and when I'm tired I will lay down?"

"They are worriers those two." Jess smiled and sat down, her hand going to her belly.

"When are you due?"

"July."

"Do you know what you're having?"

"Derek seems to think it's a girl and I won't argue with that." Jess smiled.

"They still let you do your job even though you're pregnant?"

"I took myself out of the big stuff for now. I couldn't quit cold turkey."

"I don't even know if I have a family." Jess looked at the woman. There was sadness in her eyes that Jess could relate with.

"Well you have friends here. I know that's not much but we are here to help." Miranda smiled.

"I know. And I know Cutler and your husband mean well but it's just so frustrating."

"I wish I could tell you that you would wake tomorrow and you would remember everything but for now the best we can hope for is that we figure out what the hell is going on." Derek came in the room.

"We should go Jess. It's late and I'm sure Izzy wants his chair for the night." Derek looked at Miranda. "If you need anything Cutler is in Matt's office and we're just a phone call away."

"Thanks." Derek helped his wife on with her coat and they headed to Matt's cabin. Miranda watched the snow fall outside. She didn't even know if it snowed where she was from.

"I bet you know how to ski." She turned to see Cutler standing in the doorway of the office he had been occupying.

"Maybe. I was just thinking if it snowed where I'm from."

"You look like a skier."

"I wish I knew what I could do."

"I bet you could do anything you put your mind to." She looked at him.

"You know more then what you're telling me don't you?" He came to her.

"I have one of the best criminal physiologist and one of the best criminal profilers in the US on my payroll when they feel the time is right to tell you everything they will."

"That makes whatever it is you're keeping from me sound really bad Cutler."

"Not bad. Just confusing. When they know everything I'm sure they'll tell you in the morning. Cody and Jess have more government clearance then most of the free world." She crossed her arms and looked at him.

"You and Jess used to be close?"

"Still are." He looked at her. "She's my best friend."

"But she used to be more?" He looked at her.

"Yeah." Sitting on the edge of the desk. "We're all pretty close up here." She smiled,

"It makes a better team having ex lovers as friends?"

"It works for us green eyes." He stood up. "Get some sleep. Tomorrow might be harder on you then you might think."

"Thank you for taking the time to figure this out for me. When I walked into that bar this afternoon I didn't really care if I remembered or not. I had twenty dollars in my pocket and nothing in my head."

"We'll figure it out Miranda."

"Are you sure that's my name?"

"Pretty sure." She looked outside.

"It just doesn't sound right."

"We'll figure it out. Go upstairs and lay down for awhile." Izzy came in and sat behind the front desk.

"Cody called and there's a storm front coming in from Canada he wants us to keep an eye on. It could bring in a late winter storm that might strand some people within the next few days." Cutler nodded.

"If you need anything we'll be down here." Miranda looked at Cutler and then headed upstairs.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"I hope so my friend. I really hope so."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Jess got into bed next to her husband. It had been a long day and all she wanted to do was sleep. She knew it wouldn't come easy. She snuggled against Derek. His hand resting on her belly the baby did flip flops.

"You do have an affect on the younger Hawkes population, don't you?" The baby kicked her father's hand.

"She only does this for me?" He looked at her. She had told him a dozen times before but she knew he loved hearing it.

"Only for her daddy." Derek smiled.

"Thank you."

"For what?" He pulled her close and ran his hand down her back.

"For giving me everything I never knew I wanted in life." He kissed the top of her head.

"What happens if the government is covering up Miranda's death?"

"I don't know baby." She ran her hand down his chest.

"Maybe they had plans for her and when she lost her memory they couldn't use her anymore so they dumped her."

"You spent too much time with JT. The Marine Corps just don't take soldiers with no families and train them for black ops." Jess looked at him.

"Like working black ops is a volunteer job?" Derek shook his head.

"No more John Gresham novels for you either missy." Jess closed her eyes.

"You take all the fun out of crime fighting Ranger Morgan."

"As long as your safe and behind a desk you can make all the assumptions you want baby." Sleep came easier then she thought curled up against her husband.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Matt poured himself a cup of coffee. He turned to see Jess sitting at the table.

"It's five o'clock what the hell are you doing here."

"Derek had the urge to run and I had the urge to eat the ham mom brought over here for sandwiches so we compromised. He walked me here before his run." Matt smiled. "Why would you leave your nice warm bed at five AM?"

"It wasn't that warm." He slid into the chair across from her.

"Someone having cold feet?" Jess took a bite of her sandwich.

"I told her that I didn't care when or where we got married and that triggered a fifty minute fight on why I need to care because it's my wedding too. Then we made up…I think because there was sex involved and now I think I forgot to put the toilet seat down or something because she told me I'm sleeping on the couch at my house till hell freezes over." Jess bit her lower lip to stop from smiling.

"Your room is still like you left it." He shook his head.

"I may never sleep again."

"Give her a little time. It'll all fall into place." He closed his eyes.

"God I hope so." Jess stood and put her plate in the dishwasher. "Have you heard anything from JT?" She turned and looked at her brother.

"Should we be worried?"

"He's gone longer without talking to any of us."

"I know but he's always been there when we needed him." The back door opened and Jesse came in. He took his hat off and brushed the snow off.

"Morning children." Jess smiled.

"Morning Father. So…how do we proceed with our guest?"

"Can I have a cup of coffee before we get into all the depressing stuff?" Jesse looked at Matt.

"Is it really that depressing?"

"No one's talking. I can't get anything from anyone. All the big wigs are saying she's dead."

"How can she be dead when she's sleeping upstairs?" Jess poured her dad a cup of coffee and filled Matt's cup. Cutler came in and she filled his too.

"I don't rightly know daughter of mine but I think we have to tell her what we know."

"I think so too." The sound of footsteps coming down the back stairs made them look up. "Miranda." The woman looked at the four people sitting at the table.

"Who died?" She asked with a small smile.

"You really want to know?" Cutler got another cup and filled it for her. "Anything in it?" Shaking her head she looked at them.

"Funny I know that and I can't put a finger on who I am. So you were going to tell me who died." Jess stood up and went to her.

"Sit down." The older woman did as she was told. Jess looked into her green eyes. "Your name is Miranda Jocelyn Blake. You were born December fourth nineteen seventy. You were a lieutenant in the Marine Corps till sixteen months ago when the convoy you were supervising was hit by a road side bomb." She showed no emotion on her face but Jess noticed the grip on her coffee cup tightened.

"So that might be why I lost my memory?" Jess cleared her throat.

"We think so but the last sixteen months should be clear to you if that was the case. The Marine Corps records have listed you as…dead Miranda. That's how we found you. We recognized you from a news clip we had on file."

"Dead?"

"Yes. You were pronounced dead at a base hospital in Germany. They have been trying to get you to be buried at Arlington but some paper work came up missing so they were shipping your body to a base here in California but it came up missing a week ago."

"So…" Miranda took a deep breath. "Did they have the wrong person?" Jess looked at the file in her hand she had taken from her father.

"All armed forces, police agencies and government posts take DNA samples when you sign on in case a soldier, officer or diplomat comes up missing. It's easier to ID then the alternative."

"So it was me dead?" Jess looked at Miranda.

"I don't know how to explain it. It confuses all of us. If you died sixteen months ago there is no way you're here talking to us. If there was a mistake made who knows where you have been for the last year and a half."

"So now we know who I am and where I've been for at least the last few years of my life now all we have to do is figure out where I've been for sixteen months and why the Marines think I'm dead." She almost looked relieved. "I take it I have no family?" Jess reached out and touched her hand.

"I'm sorry. Just know that you're not alone Miranda. We're here for you. When and if you start to remember I want to help you though it." Miranda smiled and stood up.

"I need to take a walk and clear my head." Cutler stood and got her a jacket from the coat rack.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No thanks." She touched Cutler's cheek. "Thank you for asking." She turned and went out the door. Cutler let out a long breath.

"That went better then we thought it would." He turned and looked at the three people at the table. "Right?"

"Yeah." Matt stood and filled his cup up. "I'll be in my office. Dad if you hear anything let me know."

"You got it son." Jesse stood. "Keep an eye on her. She took it too well for my liking." He headed out the door leaving Jess and Cutler alone in the kitchen.

"Maybe I should go after her." Jess shook her head.

"She'll come back Jimmy. She has no place else to go." Cutler knew Jess was right but he worried about the woman none the less.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Derek sprinted up the long drive that housed the Hawkes homes and the Ranger station. All he wanted was a hot shower and a cup of coffee not made by his wife. He had run an extra mile today trying to get the cobwebs out of his head. He nearly ran into Miranda Blake as he tuned up Matt's driveway.

"Sorry." He said breathlessly. He looked up to see fear in her green eyes. "Are you okay?" He face changed and she gave him a small smile.

"I'm doing okay for a dead woman."

"They told you?"

"Yeah. I think they though it was the best for everyone before someone let it slip." She took a deep breath. "Now if I could just remember maybe I could get on with what ever life I have left."

"Well your not dieing on our watch so don't even think about it." Miranda looked out at the mountains as the sun rose.

"I could get used to the beauty here." Derek nodded.

"I fell in love with it not too long ago myself." She looked at him.

"Do you know where I was from?"

"Boise, Idaho."

"Have you ever been there?"

"I worked a case a few years back there. I can't tell you what it's like because I only saw the inside of the police station and the crime scenes." Derek looked at the woman in front of him. "If you need to talk my wife's a good listener."

"You've done so much for me already."

"You know your staying here till you remember, right? I know Jess and Cutler wouldn't have it any other way."

"Yeah, I guess I have no place else to go."

"I'm a big believer in fate Miranda and I believe your ending up here was meant to be."

"Thanks you. I should get back; they probably think I got lost."

"Tell Jess I'm going to take a shower and be there in a half hour."

"Okay." Miranda turned and headed back up the path toward the station. Derek wasn't lying about fate bringing Miranda to them. How much trouble it was going to cause was another story. He turned and headed for the shower.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Cutler couldn't sleep. He had been up all night but he still couldn't shut his eyes. Every time he did all he saw was haunting green eyes. He knew he should go to his own apartment and sleep but he couldn't bring himself to leave. No matter how hard he tried sleep wouldn't come. He knew if he tossed and turned anymore Hart would wake up and start throwing things at him. Quietly he got up and slid on his jeans grabbed his boots and headed downstairs. Jess was talking to Flynn and Derek and Matt were in the office. He saw Miranda on the sofa in the lounge. He headed in there to see how she was doing.

"Everything okay in here?" She looked up and smiled.

"Other then the memory loss and the being dead thing I'm doing okay. Can't sleep?"

"No. I get that way sometimes when I work the night shift." He sat on the chair across from her. "Do you want to get out of here? I need some fresh air. Usually we get a call and were outside a lot but lately it's been quiet."

"I guess I could go out for a bit." Derek stood.

"I'll get our coats." He went into the front office and got their jackets. Jess looked up from her paper work.

"Going somewhere?"

"Out." Jess smiled. She reached into her desk and pulled out some money.

"Stop at one of the shops downtown and have Miranda get some things." He looked at Jess.

"I'm glad you're thinking."

"Not that I don't love wearing the same thing for days at a time but maybe she'd like to change at least once or twice."

"Thanks Jess." Smiling she went back to the spread sheets she was looking at.

"Don't forget next week your new friend is coming home." Cutler looked confused. "The dog Jimmy."

"Oh yeah right. How could I have forgotten that?" Miranda came in.

"I haven't a clue." They got there coats on and headed out the door. Matt came out of the office.

"Do you think that was such a good idea?" She looked up.

"Sending any woman out with Cutler is always a bad idea but I'm sure Miranda can handle him." Matt shook his head,

"Jess if you found out who she was as fast as you did so can other people."

"Other people didn't look at that video for hours on end sixteen months ago like Derek did. A friend of his from the academy was in Baghdad the same time. He though he saw him in some footage. That's why he knew where to look."

"I'm just worried." Jess looked at her brother.

"Do you think someone might come looking for her?"

"I think we've stepped into something that maybe we shouldn't of but you know me."

"Never back down."

"Adrenalin Junkies first rule." He smiled and headed back to his office. Derek came from the kitchen.

"Need anything honey?" She smiled.

"I'm good. Where is everybody?"

"Cooper, Flynn and Trainer are in the shed working on something." Jess looked scared.

"They better keep their paws off those machines. I have every one of them running like they should."

"No worries. Nails and wood were involved I think." He sat down across form her. "Robin didn't come in today." Jess looked at her husband.

"She wasn't on the roster."

"When has that mattered?"

"Are you getting into this High Mountain drama Ranger Morgan?"

"Not in the least bit. I'm just concerned that my soon to be sister in law hasn't graced us with her presents yet this fine day."

"You so full of it Derek Morgan." She threw her pencil down on her desk. "They need to stop sweating the small stuff and figure out what they want."

"It's that bad?"

"Worse. I might have been a stubborn bitch but I had a whole lot of other drama going on. Things have been calm around her. Hell we haven't had a call in three days."

"Way to jinx it Jess." Flynn came in.

"Something has got to give Benji. You better not be messing with my machines lover boy or I'll sic my husband on you." Flynn smiled.

"Haven't even started one up in over a week. You really need to lighten up Hawkes. Just cause you're pregnant doesn't give you the right to loose your sense of humor." Derek closed his eyes. This was going to end badly and he knew it. He reached out and grabbed his wife's wrist before she could chuck the dart she held in her hand at Flynn.

"Okay then, Benji get the hell out of here before Jess puts some extra holes in you." He turned to his wife. "And you have got to stop and think when people talk to you." Benji slipped into the kitchen as Derek eased his grip on Jess's wrist. "He meant nothing by it. But he was right. You have lost a bit of your…fun side lately." Jess glared at her. "Baby I know you don't want to hear it but better me then someone who's not prepared to pry the sharp objects out of your hand." Cody walked in as Derek pulled the dart out of Jess's hand.

"Did I come at a bad time or did I just miss something really cool?" Derek glared at his brother in law.

"Don't you start." He turned back to Jess. "Deep breaths sweetheart…deep breaths." Jess did as she was told and looked at her husband.

"I'm sorry." He smiled.

"It's not me you were going to throw the dart at." Cody slid some files on Jess's desk and stepped back.

"I was just dropping of the files I was able to get on Miranda and her last mission."

"Thanks." Jess smiled her best fake smile.

"How's she doing?"

"Good. Took the news about being dead a little too good for dad's taste but other then that. Cutler took her shopping."

"You really think you should be letting Cutler deal with a traumatized woman?

"He's good with High Mountain Drama. You of all people should know that." Jess looked though the files. "Isn't it your day off?"

"Yeah, the boys have a doctor's appointment in an hour. Speaking of I'm going to talk to Shep about looking at Miranda."

"Good idea. See if there's a physical reason why she's forgotten who she is."

"I'll have him make her an appointment." Jess rolled her eyes.

"I wasn't going to use her name Jess. What now you think you got all the brains in the family?"

"Always thought I did." She stood up and filed some papers. Cody shook his head,

"I'm out of here. Tell Matt to keep an eye on that storm front. I think were in for a bad ass storm. We might want to start shutting things down as early as tomorrow morning."

"Will do. Hug the kids for me. Maybe we should all dig in at your place if the storm hits." She looked at him and smiled.

"Last time we did that you got wasted and Sarah got pregnant. Guess that can't happen this time. Well Sarah could get pregnant…" Jess laughed as Cody walked out the door. Derek looked at his wife.

"Some days the two of you drive me insane." Jess looked at him her brown eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Live with us long enough and you'll be just like us." She leaned over and kissed him.

"God help me."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Cutler pulled up to the row of shops that surrounded the casino. He noticed that Miranda was clinging hard to the harm rests.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She just looked out the window.

"Miranda…"

"Randa…my parents and friends call me Randa." She looked at Cutler. "I don't know how I know that but hardly anyone called me Miranda. "

"Okay Randa. Jess thought you might want to get out of those clothes. There are shops here or we can go to the Wal-Mart in Carson City."

"Here is fine. I just want to get back." She was still clinging to the arm rests like they were holding her up." Cutler put his hand on hers and she whipped her head to look into his eyes. There was a fear like Cutler had never seen.

"Let's take it slow. We can grab a cup of coffee and sit awhile. Whatever you need Randa." She closed her eyes and when she opened them again the fear was gone.

"Let's just get what I need and go back ho…to the station." She pulled her hand from under his and opened the door and slid out leaving Cutler to wonder what other memories were coming back to her.


	3. Chapter 3

Lost

Chapter Three

Matt came in with the wind blowing and the snow chasing him. He slammed the door shut hard and Jess looked up from her work.

"You could have left some of the snow out there."

"Gee I would have never thought of that. Call everyone in. It looks like its going to be a long night of pulling cars off the mountain."

"You got it…oh." Jess breath sucked in.

"Everything okay?" Jess smiled and rubbed her stomach.

"Every time she here's her father's, uncle's or grandfather's voice she perks up." Matt smiled.

"Really?" Jess nodded.

"She does summersaults for Derek and kicks hard for the rest of you." She looked at her brother. "She's going to have all of you wrapped around her little finger."

"Like you didn't." Jess looked down at her belly.

"I guess you forget some of the really good things when you get older." Matt nodded. He had never forgotten the little girl who smiled though all she had gone though.

"Cutler back yet?"

"No, he should be back soon."

"I need him and Cody when he gets back."

"Yes sir." She smiled and picked up the phone calling in the Rangers.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Are you sure you don't want to stop for lunch?" Cutler opened the door and took Randa's bags.

"The weather looks kind of bad. Maybe we should head back."

"I can drive in anything but if you'd rather go back I understand."

"I'm a little tired."

"I'm sure Derek has lunch ready." Cutler got into the truck. "Did you find everything?" She smiled.

"Yeah. Tell Jess I'll pay her back as soon as I figure out…well you know."

"I'm sure that's the last thing she's thinking about right now." He pulled onto the street and headed to the road that headed back to the station. "How's the memory thing going?"

"Still nothing other then the name, but that's a start isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's a start." He pulled onto the winding road that headed up to the station. "Cody said we're supposed to get at least a foot."

"Wow, that's amazing."

"That's nothing." He smiled. "You should see the winter weather. This here is a spring storm." Randa smiled.

"It's beautiful if not tiresome."

"It's great till you have to shovel it."

"Have you always lived in the mountains?"

"No, I grew up in the south. I never saw snow until I was sixteen and ended up in Colorado for basic training."

"Little young to join the military?"

"Let's just say it was better then the alternative." Cutler parked his truck in the lot next to Matt's. "Looks like the boss man called in the whole lot." Randa saw the vehicles lined up. "Cody's never wrong about a storm. He said this one was going to hit hard and fast. Matt won't want to take any chances."

"The thought of a foot of snow falling in a few hours seems unbelievable."

"Wait long enough we can get up to six feet in twenty four hours." Randa shook her head and they got out of Cutler went around and helped her with her bags.

"I'm good thanks."

"Sorry my mother and Jess taught me no matter how strong the woman, they all like a door opened once in awhile." He smiled. "Don't let me look bad." She smiled.

"Okay." They walked to the back door of the station. Matt and Hart were serving lunch.

"Just in time." Matt grabbed a couple more plates. "How was your shopping trip?"

"Good." Randa let Cutler take her coat and hung both on the hook along with her bag. "I remembered why Miranda wasn't sounding right to me." Matt smiled.

"That's a start. What did you like to be called?"

"Randa. I just remember my mother's voice and the way she called me in from outside." Jess looked at the older woman. She was glad something had come to Randa. Maybe the rest of her life would fall into place. The conversation seemed to drift onto the weather and Cody confirmed the storm was going to hit hard. After lunch they all went there separate ways. Jess stayed to clean up the kitchen. Robin offered to help.

"Thanks." Jess rinsed and Robin put them in the dish washer.

"How have you been feeling?"

"Good. I hope the worst is over."

"I know Matt told you about our fight." Jess looked at her friend.

"Not really, just that he might need his room aired out." Jess smiled. "My big brother doesn't like to talk out of school, you know that."

"But if he needed to talk you would be the one he went to."

"Maybe me, Cody, or Cutler." She handed Robin another dish. "Is there something that needs a mediator?"

"I guess I just need him to realize he needs to contribute to planning this wedding. He won't even pin down a date." Jess stopped the water and turned to Robin.

"If you told him to have Cutler marry you in the lobby in five minutes he wouldn't think twice. He is so in love with you Robin. No man wants to make the big date. They're afraid it will be too soon or too late. Give him three dates to choose from and make sure you like all of them."

"I don't want anything big. I mean yours was perfect. Just our friends and family. I want to do it soon. I mean why wait." Jess smiled.

"Exactly."

"You know I never did ask if you'd be my matron of honor." Jess smiled.

"Oh Robin." She hugged her friend. "If you wait any longer I'm going to be as big as a house."

"That settles it then. We need to set a date." She grabbed the calendar from the bulletin board. "How about the 28th?"

"It's your wedding Robin." Robin looked at Jess.

"The 28th it is." Robin smiled. "Should I tell Matt?" Jess laughed.

"That might help."

"Will that be okay? Finding what happened with Randa is our first priority."

"We can help Randa and plan a wedding Robin. There's lots of woman around who will help out and mom is a wiz at weddings. And you know what Sarah can do with a dress." Robin smiled.

"Okay, I'll go tell Matt." Jess grabbed her phone out of her pocket and quickly text Matt 'Smile, say great and be happy'. Hopefully he got that before Robin got to him or they might not be much of a wedding to plan.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Jess sat in Matt's living room. Snuggled in one of her grandmother's old afghans, she read. Derek had gone on an accident call with Cody and Cutler. She knew she should of stayed at work but she couldn't sit behind that desk another minute. The front door opened and Matt came in bringing snow with him.

"You really have to find a new entrance Matt." He looked at her.

"Hey blame your weatherman brother, not me." Sitting on the bench by the door he undid his boots. "Thanks for the heads up this afternoon. I might have just stood quietly and nodded if I didn't know what she was rambling on about."

"It was import to her you were excited." The baby was kicking her hard. Jess put her hand on her stomach. "Great you woke her up and now she thinks she needs to play." Matt smiled.

"Sorry. I just came by to some files I left here the other night when we had dinner."

"They're on the counter in the kitchen. I got a call from the builders this morning. They're going to start on my house the first week in April if the weather cooperates. If you and Robin want to move in here after the wedding me and Derek can find something in town for six months or so till its done. Or move into Robins." Matt looked at his sister.

"Jess this is your home till yours is built." Matt sat down on the chair across from her. "It's funny how you think about things sometimes." He looked down at his boots. "I felt guilty about a lot of things lately. But seeing you with Derek and how happy him and this baby have made you Jess I don't feel guilty about not trying harder to accept you and Cutler." Jess smiled.

"Up until the last couple of months we were together I always felt I was with him just to piss you off. Then it hit me that you don't spend ten years with some one just to make a point. I love that man with all my heart. I was only in love with him with half of it." Putting her hand on her belly she looked at her brother. "Don't ever feel guilty about what happened between me and Cutler. Or anything that happened before or after my time in DC Matt for that matter. I was a bitter, cold hearted bitch back then and it had nothing to do with you."

"I wish you would have told us about Lee and Hale"

"Let it go Matt. I have. They mean nothing to me anymore. They can't hurt me now." She reached over and took his hand. "This family is all that matters anymore." Matt looked at his sister. He knew she was right. Too many years had been wasted with things they couldn't control.

"I better get home before Robin thinks I got cold feet again." He stood. "I can call her if you want me to stick around till Derek gets home."

"You go ahead. I'm going to bed anyway." He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

"See you in the morning."

"Yeah." Jess watched Matt leave and wondered if he would ever truly stop feeling guilty for their past.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"Damn its cold." Derek slid into the driver's seat of the hummer and turned up the heat. Cutler got in the passenger side and took off his gloves.

"Spring is just around the corner my friend." Derek shook his head.

"Why do people insist on driving in this crap?"

"They all have some where they got to be." Cutler pulled out a clip board from between the seats and started on the paper work.

"I can do that when we get back."

"No. When you get back you my friend are going home to your wife." Derek looked at the older man.

"You don't have to do that Cutler."

"Do what?"

"Do my work for me. Jess knows what the job entitles." Cutler looked up at Derek.

"I know. I also know I have nothing to go home to and if given the choice to spend the next six hours curled up to a warm body or paper work and restocking the SUV, I'd pick the first one."

"I'm just saying that working late comes with the territory."

"And I'm saying I'm pulling rank and sending you home." Cutler smiled. "Really Derek, if it was anyone with someone to go home to I would let them. Someone has to stay with Randa anyway." Derek smiled and nodded.

"What?"

"I knew you wouldn't just volunteer for paper work." Derek put the Hummer into drive and headed down the icy road home.

"Your reading more into that then there is."

"So, you like her. What harm is there in that?"

"Oh I don't know. The fact that our government listed her as dead could have some kind of effect on any relationship I may or may not have with anyone."

"Sooner or later that will work it's self out."

"They she'll go back to Idaho and her life." Derek pulled up to the station.

"Then give her a reason to stay." Putting the car into park he looked at his friend. "Give her good memories of her time here and who knows what might happen." He got out of the truck. "You get the paper work. I'll restock." Cutler looked at his ex girlfriend's new husband and wondered how the hell things got so comfortable with him.

*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*-*

Cody slammed the file cabinet for the seventh time is as many minutes. His famous temper was rearing its head again and Matt didn't like it. They were all a little tense that JT hadn't answered any of their calls but he knew it was more then that bothering his little brother.

"I don't see new office furniture in next years budget so can you go a little easy on the cabinets." Cody looked up from his papers.

"Another foot is on its way. I'm so sick of digging people out of ditches and plowing this crap." Snow was one of Cody's and Jess's favorite things in the world. They lived for the first snow and pushed the season till the last patch melted.

"Maybe you should take your wife and your skis and take a little break." Cody looked up.

"You volunteering to baby sit?"

"Maybe. I think between me and little sister we can handle three kids." Cody sat back in his chair.

"Maybe you and Robin should take them and get some practice in before it's your turn." Matt shook his head.

"We'll see about that."

"And we'll see about the skiing." Cody looked at his brother. "I'm worried about JT."

"Jess has called everyone she could think of. Maybe he's gone underground. I know taking down Kitrick took a lot out of him."

"When should we start to panic?" Jess came into the office ant threw down a file.

"Now would be a good time." Cody and Matt looked at their sister. "His boss just filed a missing person's report on him."

"That can't be good."

"No. Del Grotto wouldn't send up a flair like that if he wasn't worried."

"Did you talk to him?"

"He said that the last time he heard from JT was three weeks ago."

"Right after bringing Kitrick to Colorado." Cody looked at his sister. Things were getting weird around here and he didn't like it. Dead soldiers turning up alive and friends disappearing. He didn't like it one bit.


	4. Chapter 4

Lost

Chapter Four

Jess looked though the kitchen window. The snow kept falling. Derek came up behind her and rubbed his hands over her belly.

"If anyone can take care of himself it's JT."

"Ingrid."

"What?" He turned her around.

"Ingrid. For a girl. Ingrid Morgan." He smiled.

"When was the last time you got any sleep baby?" She kissed him.

"I love you Derek Morgan." She laid her head on his shoulder.

"Then get all thoughts of Ingrid out of your head." She smiled.

"I don't like this Derek. JT has never ever gone this long without calling." The back door opened and the snow blew in. Jess turned. "MATT!" She looked at the piercing blue eyes that met hers. "Jasper Thomas, you son of a bitch." She pulled out of Derek's arms and ran to her friend.

"Miss me sunshine?" She hugged him.

"You had me scared to death." JT nodded hello to Derek.

"Sorry. I had some business to take care of." He looked at Jess. "I was a little on the angry side after our little run in with Kitrick but now I'm back."

"We got some issues we need to take care of." Jess pulled away from him. "You staying awhile?"

"Yeah. I called Joe this morning and gave my notice. I can't live that life anymore. Seeing you, Cody, and Matt all headed for the white picket fence got me thinking. It doesn't seem so bad." Jess smiled at him.

"It is a wondrous thing Jasper Thomas."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"So she's dead on paper." JT looked at Randa sitting at the kitchen table. They were in Cody's office.

"Yeah. How do we deal with this?" Matt looked at his friend.

"Honestly, I would ship her to the nearest base and head for the hills." He turned and looked at the three Hawkes siblings, Cutler and Morgan. "But I know that's not how you bunch work so…" He sat down. "I called in a few favors and found out everything there is to know about our dead Marine in there." He pulled out his lap top and clicked a few buttons. The over head lit up. "Our Marine has a spotless record. She was moving up the ranks like wild fire until three years ago. Seems the Lieutenant was stuck in a rut. She'd been in Iraq for over three years. She was burning out."

"So they fake her death?" Jess looked at the file in front of her.

"Well in a way, yes. It seems like her death was reported before she actually was involved in the bombing. Somebody leaked footage of her to the press. War hero lost in bombing…that was three days before she was actually 'killed'."

"So the Corp didn't want to look bad so they faked her death?" Matt looked at JT.

"Looks that way. But that doesn't explain her memory loss or why they're not looking for her." He stood. "There lies the question of the day. What happened to Ms Blake in the last sixteen months?"

"Who would know?" Derek looked over his wife's shoulder.

"Her CO?" Cody asked.

"I think we need to stay away from that whole idea for the time being. We rush her premature death rumor and things can go south way faster then we want it to." JT stood up. "Right now my connections on the inside say to lay low till they look into this mess." He looked at his friends, new and old. "If any trouble rises, they will let me know."

"So what do we tell her?" Cutler watched Randa.

"Tell her what I told you. You'll keep her informed. When I know it, she'll know it." Cutler stood.

"Thanks JT." He left to go bring Randa up to speed. JT watched him go.

"That boy has it bad," Jess stood and smiled.

"Let's hope he learned from his mistakes." She went back to her desk. JT looked at the remaining three men.

"Something I said?" Derek shook his head.

"She hasn't been sleeping well lately. " Derek looked at his brother in laws. "Don't you dare mention the H word boys or we'll all pay." Derek grabbed the folders he needed off the desk and headed off after his wife.

"Okay then." JT looked at Cody and Matt. "I'm going to get the hell out of here and find a place to stay."

"Check with Jess but your welcome to sleep in my room at the house. I'm staying with Robin until Jess and Derek's place is ready."

"They won't want me hanging around."

"They spend most their time here or at my parents anyway. It won't hurt to ask. If they won't put you up I know my mom will." Matt smiled. "You know Jess was worried sick about you."

"Yeah, well I had some things that needed taking care of." Cody sat behind his desk.

"Was she worth it?" JT looked at Cody.

"Oh yeah." He took a picture out of his wallet and handed it to Cody. The dark haired little girl with piercing blue yes and a wicked smiled stared back at him.

"I never knew."

"Neither did I. Mia and I didn't flaunt our relationship. When Kitrick went bad we kept in touch. The last time I was in DC…her name is Mackenzie."

"Mia? Jess's old roommate Mia?"

"Yeah." Cody smiled. Matt looked at the picture.

"Congratulations."

"Thanks. If you hadn't help me catch Kitrick I might have never known about her. Mia had always been scared of Cole. He would have flipped if he knew two of his agents were spending their free time together. Hell he got mad when me and Jess took in a football game." Matt looked at his friend.

"He's gone now JT. He can't hurt Jess, you or Mia anymore." JT looked into the eyes of his friend.

"His hearing is in three weeks. I have every ex agent I can find testifying against him. I need to know if Jess is strong enough to be put on the stand."

"I think if it means putting Kitrick away she's put off labor." Matt went to leave. "Welcome home JT."

"Thanks buddy." To JT, this was home. The Hawkes had always treated him like family. Now he had a little girl and maybe if he played his cards right he'd could have Mia back too.

"Things are looking good all around." JT looked at Cody.

"Sure looks that way." JT stood. "I better ask Jess about a room before she has another mood swing." Cody shook his head. "Oh right…no mood swings." They laughed and JT headed to find Jess.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"So you and Mia?" Jess sat at Matt's kitchen table with JT. "I never knew."

"We were trained 'Secret' Service Agents." Jess smiled. "She didn't like the way Kitrick looked at her most days. I told her the same thing I told you about if he did something that she didn't like. Apparently he didn't like her anymore then he liked you."

"He didn't try to poison her at least." JT looked at her.

"That we know about. I should have had everyone tested."

"You really think he might have tried to do this to someone else besides me?" JT shrugged his shoulders.

"All I know is you almost died because of his sick perverted sense of whatever it was he believed. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if something would have happened to you." She looked at the tea in her cup.

"I'm glad you're here JT." Derek came in from outside.

"You make time with my woman Mc Cullen?" Derek leaned over and kissed his wife.

"She carries a gun and has taken my ass down to the floor. I'll pass. Not that I don't think you're a very, very lucky man." Derek smiled

"Nice save." Grabbing a cup he poured himself some hot water out of the tea kettle and made some tea. "You two going to chit chat all night?" He sat down.

"Well we were till you walked in." She leaned over and kissed her husband again. "Now I have a reason to go to bed." Her cell phone rang.

"Don't answer that baby." She stood and reached for it on the counter.

"Hawkes."

"Is this Mrs. Chocolate Thunder." Jess smiled.

"Oh yeah. How are you Garcia?"

"I'm unbelievably jalousie."

"Don't be. It's really a lot work." The woman on the phone laughed.

"Good to know. I got some more info on your dead Marine. Hotch did some digging and apparently she's been hiding in plane site in Iraq. Office work mostly but they were hiding her from the media."

"So is anyone looking for her? With all the feelers we put out someone's bound to know we have her."

"No red flags have gone up yet but I'll keep you informed."

"Thanks. You're the best Penelope. Tell Hotch thanks." Derek motioned for the phone. "My husband would like to say hi."

"Take care Jess." Jess handed Derek the phone and headed to the kitchen phone to call Cutler.

"Ranger Station, Cutler."

"Garcia just called. She said they've been hiding Randa behind a desk in Iraq since her 'death'."

"Good to know."

"Something wrong?"

"I have company."

"Marines?"

"To say the least."

"We'll be right there." Jess stood and got her jacket and tossed Derek and TJ theirs. "We got trouble. Call Matt and my dad and have them meet us at the station." Jess ran out of the house as the two men dialed and followed her out.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"I need to wait for my C.O." Cutler looked at the Lieutenant Coronal in front of him.

"I just want the woman and I'll be out of your hair." The older man stared him down. Jess, JT and Derek flew in the front door. The Lieutenant Coronal looked at them. "I should have known you'd be behind this Mc Cullen."

"Glad I didn't disappoint you sir." The older man turned.

"I heard you were making inquires about my Lieutenant."

"We were keeping her safe."

"I understand that. Now we're here to collect her." Matt and Robin came in filling the outer office to near capacity.

"She's dead to you." Cutler came around the desk. "She doesn't remember what happened. Why can't you just let her be?"

"She's a soldier. A Marine."

"What has she been the last sixteen months?" Jesse had come in the back door.

"Jesse."

"Bruce."

"When I heard your team had my missing Marine I came as soon as I could."

"Word travels fast."

"You start turning over rocks Jesse…you know that." The two older men looked at each other.

"She's scared and alone. Can't you ease her back into whatever you had her doing. Hell she doesn't even remember who she is or what she is doing here." The older man looked at Cutler.

"Blake doesn't remember anything?"

"No." He looked at the people surrounding him.

"She received a head injury in the bombing. She's healed well and we put her to work behind a desk."

"To keep the press about knowing she wasn't killed?" JT took a step forward.

"Stay out of this Jasper." The man glared at him. Jess looked at him and at JT.

"Afraid I can't do that Pop. My friends think this woman is in real trouble." Jess was stunned. This was JT's dad?

"Are you saying that I can't protect her?" The older Mc Cullen looked at his son.

"Someone was going to make sure she didn't remember something she saw. You know between the Rangers, Jess and me we have enough clearance to protect her." He looked at the three Marines surrounding his father. "Something happened to her between here and Iraq."

"She wasn't scheduled to leave. The casket was to be shipped to Twenty-nine Palms but not her." JT looked at his father.

"If anyone can get to the bottom of this it's me and the Rangers."

"What do you need from me?"

"Everything you can tell me leading up to the minute she disappeared off your radar and showed up on theirs." Everyone was looking at JT and his father. "What?" Jess shook her head.

"I guess we didn't know…well…that you had a father." He looked at her.

"Where do you think I came from?" Jess smiled.

"I…just forget it."

"He isn't so forth going with his heritage." They older Mc Cullen shared. "Nor am I." He smiled. "You have a week. I know Ms Hawkes psychology degree will be an asset to solving this…riddle. I just want to know what happened. Although this should be left up to the Corps, but I trust you'll supervise Jesse."

"Bruce, my son and his team don't need me looking over their shoulders on this. As your son doesn't need you looking over his." The two older men looked at the men and women in the room.

"One week." Lieutenant Coronal Bruce Mc Cullen and his men left without another word. The room was quiet. Randa came down the stairs.

"Are y'all just going to stand there or are you going to tell me why my CO just left without even a hello?" They all looked up at her. She remembered Mc Cullen. How much longer would it be before she remembered the rest of her life.


	5. Chapter 5

Lost

Chapter Five

Cutler looked at Randa. She was remembering little by little things about her past and that was a good thing but it scared him. Looking around he saw his friends had all dispersed and left him to talk this new development with her.

"So you remember him?"

"His voice triggered some memory of him barking orders to me."

"Anything else?"

"No. What did he tell you about me?"

"That you were a good soldier but you became somewhat of a liability when you were declared dead before you were actually killed."

"So in other words I'm a PR cover up."

"I a word, yes. But you weren't supposed to come to the states. You agreed to stay working and out of sight until things in the Middle East died down. Because you had no family and most of your friends were…are Marines you agreed to staying under wraps." Randa sat on the couch and looked up at him.

"I saw something I shouldn't of." He sat across from her on the coffee table. "I don't remember what but I do know that I wasn't supposed to be where I was. I got turned around some how in the admit building. I just don't know what it was that I saw."

"I'm sure Jess will help you with that in the morning."

"Tell me about her."

"Who?"

"Jess. You two were close once."

"Why do you want to know about Jess?"

"Because she means a lot to you." Cutler looked doubtful but he didn't want to argue with Randa tonight.

"Ever since she was twelve she's been in my life. Even back then we were good friends. When she was fifteen she found out some things about her birth parents that really got to her so I shared some stuff about my childhood and we sort of bonded."

"You're ten years older then her?"

"Yeah. Matt always said she was an old soul." Cutler laughed. "Some days I think she's was the grown up."

"So why is she married to someone else?"

"Because she never was in love with me. We tried. For twelve years on and off we tried but it never was meant to be. She never looked at me the way she looks at Derek." He looked into Randa's green eyes full of understanding. "She'll always be my best friend."

"Everyone should have a friend like that." Randa curled her legs under her. "I didn't date much when I was younger. My parents made me study morning noon and night. The cringed when I joined the Marines instead of heading for Yale. I needed to do it for me, you know.' Cutler did know. He spent the better part of his childhood living someone else's dreams.

"You do have friends like that." Smiling Randa knew just what Cutler meant. Jess and her family were her friends now. As were the Rangers and JT.

"I better head to bed."

"I'll be here if you need anything." She got up and went to the steps. Cutler followed. She stopped and turned.

"I had a good day. Even if I remembered that I am really dead to the world."

"It'll all work out." Randa smiled.

"Today I actually believe it just might." She turned and headed upstairs. Cutler headed for the front desk and hoped it would all work out.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Matt sat at his parent's kitchen table. He lived for his Monday morning conference with his father. It made the start of the week seem so much easier sometimes.

"How's your sister doing?" Matt looked at his father sitting across from him.

"Better now that JT is safely back in the fold. He's thinking of moving here."

"Good. You could use another good man." Matt nodded. "Something else bothering you son?"

"Nothing really."

"How are the wedding plans coming along?"

"Good. Mom and Jess are helping out the best they can. The sooner it's gets done the better." Jesse smiled.

"Well you wait twenty years to tell someone how much you care I guess a quickie wedding is the way to go." Matt smiled and got up to get himself another cup of coffee. The Monday visits with his dad seemed to calm him enough to make it though another week.

"I have to go check the tarps on the Bass lodge this weekend; you want to come up with me?"

"Sure. I should clean out the rest of the things from Gabe's place. I can store them at the cabin till spring. I want to get his cabin torn down this spring and get the garden planted."

"Have you heard anything from his son?"

"Nothing since he filed the papers contesting the will."

"Hopefully it'll end there." Matt looked out the window. "I should get in. Jess is holding down the fort while Cutler, Cody and Morgan patrol the highway. After last night's snow I don't want anyone buried out there."

"I'll see you for dinner tonight?"

"Yeah, I think I might be able to swing it." He set his mug in the sink. "I'll talk to you later." He turned to leave.

"Take care son." Jesse watched his oldest son leave. It was good to see him more relaxed then he had been in a long time. He hoped nothing happened to changes the way things were.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Jess reached to up to get some mugs from the shelf when Matt came in the door. He saw her struggling and reached up to help her.

"Please tell me you didn't make the coffee." She turned and glared at him.

"Good morning to you too." The baby heard Matt and started to kick. "Oh." Her hand shot to her belly and Matt caught the cup before it hit the floor.

"Are you okay?"

"The effect the men in my life have on this kid already is nuts." Taking a deep breath she tried to stand up straight. "She's on a rampage." The kicking didn't stop with Matt's silence. Jess started shaking from the pain radiating from the inside out. Jess grabbed Matt's arm.

"Jess are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah…she just wants to show me whose boss today I guess." The kicking didn't stop and when it felt like the baby was going to push her ribs apart Jess nearly fell to her knees.

"Sit." Matt guided her to the nearest chair. Jess tried to take a deep breath but she couldn't. "Jess…"

"I'm okay…I think."

"Flynn!" Benji came around the corner. "How's the rode from here to the hospital looking?"

"Cody just called in and it isn't looking real good out there."

"Jess do you want Frank to warm up the chopper?" There was fear in her brown eyes. Matt looked at Flynn. "Get Robin from the barn and tell Frank to get the chopper ready to fly." Flynn was gone before Jess could stop him.

"Something's wrong." Jess dared her brother to lie to her.

"Just breathe Jess." Robin came in the back door. Flynn came in from the opposite direction carrying her bag. Taking off her gloves she checked Jess's pulse.

"Matt's right Jess you need to relax."

"She's just kicking."

"Jess can you catch your breath?" Trying again her breath caught before she could fill her lungs. She shook her head. "Let's get you lying down." Matt and Robin helped her to the couch. Matt started to go but Jess grabbed his arm.

"Don't leave me." Matt kneeled back down.

"Do you want Flynn to call Derek?" She shook her head.

"It's too dangerous out there as it is." The pain was a little better but the baby kept kicking near her diaphragm.

"Matt." Flynn was at the end of the couch. "Cody and Derek are on their way there anyway. They found a family in a ditch outside of town and they were bringing them in."

"See, no need to worry." Flynn handed Matt her jacket. "I'm sorry I got her all riled up." Jess smiled.

"If it wasn't you it would have been her father or Cody." Matt looked at Robin. She shrugged. Even with her advanced medical training she had no idea what was going on.

"Let's get you to the hospital and find out why she's so agitated." Matt and Flynn all but carried her to the awaiting helicopter. Jess had a grip on her brother's hand she wasn't easing up on. Robin relayed their status to the hospital as they took off.

"What if something's wrong with her?" The tears started to fall before Jess could stop them. Matt didn't know how to console her. She had always been so strong.

"Everything is going to be fine Jess." They landed on the pad at the hospital and a gurney. Shep was there.

"Hey sunshine, I thought it had been to long between visits." He smiled as he helped lay her on the gurney.

"Sorry, next time I'll make some time for you sooner." She tried to smile. Robin read off her vitals as they headed into the ER.

"Everything seems normal except for the baby moving around?"

"Kicking against my diaphragm and it feels like my ribs are being spread." They started her on oxygen. Matt tried to pull away when they transferred her onto the ER table. Shaking her head she held on tight to his hand. "Please…stay." She whispered. Matt held her hand.

"I'm not going anywhere." He stood so not to get in the way as they rolled the portable ultra sound machine in.

"Jess any bleeding, spotting, cramps?" Shep came and stood by them. She shook her head. "The morning sickness gone?" She nodded. "Almost twenty weeks, right?" Jess nodded again. Shep lifted up her shirt. "This is going to be cold. How long have you felt the baby move?"

"A little over a week."

"I paged Dr. Hamilton and she's on her way but we're going to check things out in there to see if there's a reason our girl is so agitated." Shep knew that Derek had a feeling it was a girl and played right along with it. He gotten to know Jess the last few months and knew that if she was here something had to be wrong. "Jess everything looks…" Jess closed her eyes then looked at Shep.

"What?" She held Matt's hand tighter. Shep looked at the screen and then at Jess. He took a deep breath. "What's wrong with her?"

"Nothing's wrong with them." Shep smiled.

"Them?" Both Jess and Matt said in unison. Derek came in just then. Matt was going to slip away just then but his sister was having none of that. Derek stood at her head and she reached for him with her other hand.

"Twins." Derek looked at Jess.

"Twins? Are you sure?" Shep pointed to the screen.

"Two heartbeats. Two little…do you want to know?" Jess and Derek already knew but they should make it official. She nodded.

"Girls. Both healthy and beautiful." Shep moved the wand around a little and took some pictures from a few angles for them and Dr. Hamilton.

"I'm surprised she didn't try to out do Cody and go for triplets." Matt laughed.

"You Hawkes are a competitive bunch, I'll say that. I think the girls are just fighting for some room in there. Your uterus is on the small side and they may have a tight squeeze in there after too long. They may press on vital organs. I'm not going to lie to you Jess I see some bed rest in your future." Jess nodded. She didn't care if she had to spend the next five months in bed if it meant her babies would be safe. She looked at Derek.

"Derek? Are you okay?" He was still looking at the screen.

"Yeah, wow…twins." He looked down at Jess. "Wow." The girls started moving at the sound of his voice.

"Do they do this often?" Shep looked at Jess.

"If she's… they're awake. Sometimes even if they're not the sound of his voice starts them going. My brother's and dad have that effect some of the time. Matt barley said two words this morning and she…they started up. " Dr. Hamilton came into the room.

"I heard you were causing some trouble down here Jess." She smiled. "How's she doing Shep?" He handed her the wand.

"Look for yourself." He smiled. The doctor put the wand on Jess's belly.

"Oh my…what do we have here?" Studying the screen in front of her she smiled. "Oh it looks like we missed something the first time." She looked at Jess then Derek, then noticing Matt. "Hello. "

"Dr. Hamilton, my brother Matt."

"Nice to meet you. Jess I'm going to run some blood test but I think your babies are just making themselves know and are growing nicely. I'm really not worried about the size of your uterus right now but when your reach about thirty three weeks or so I'm going to want to monitor them closely so they don't become distressed." The nurse gave her a chart. "Jess how's your appetite been?"

"Okay. I eat when I'm hungry." The doctor checked some more things on the chart.

"You've gained only a few pounds since your first visit. I'm a little worried about that." The young doctor looked at Jess. "You'll work on that?"

"You bet any reason to eat my mom's cooking." Jess smiled. The doctor closed the chart.

"I'll get the lab up here and get you on your way. I want to see in a week." She looked at the two men on either side of her patient. "Fatten her up boys." She left the room.

"I better go tell Cody your okay before he starts tearing the place up." Jess squeezed his hand.

"Thank you for being here." He smiled.

"Anytime." He kissed the top of her head and tried to leave but Jess pulled him back.

"Feel free to tell Cody about the news. It's about time you know something before he does."

"You know I will." He headed out to find Cody. He found him at the nurse's station.

"What the hell is going on?" Robin and Cutler came up behind him.

"The doctor said it was just a little fight for space." Cody glared at him.

"Fight for space?"

"Jess has a uterus that's smaller then most."

"So the baby's growing too big?" Matt shook his head.

"The doctor said everything is fine. She won't have to worry too much till about thirty five weeks when the babies start to turn." Matt reached over the desk and grabbed a pen and the forms he knew he needed to fill out for Jess. He looked up to see Cody still glaring at him.

"Babies?" Cody asked.

"Twins. Two girls." Robin laughed. Cody grinned and Cutler turned and walked away.

"What's wrong with him?" Cody asked.

"Who knows?" Robin said. Matt handed Cody the clip board.

"I do. Bring this to Jess. Be nice to her Toad, she's had a bad morning." Matt followed his friend down the hall. He found him at the coffee machine. He punched the button harder then he needed to. "I can't afford to replace that thing every time you're in a bad mood." Cutler looked up and chuckled.

"Who said I was in a bad mood?"

"I've been your friend for twenty odd years Jim. I know your moods better then you do." Cutler turned and looked at Matt.

"Every day I regret what I did to mess up my life with Jess and every day I'm reminded that she will never be mine again." He laughed. "And today was just another kick in the gut."

"Finding out she's having twins was that bad for you. You've know she was pregnant for the last four months."

"I can't talk to you about this." He took his coffee and turned.

"You know I gave up caring about the two of you together long before you broke up."

"She's still your sister man."

"And you're still my best friend."

"It's going to sound petty if I say it out loud." Matt laughed.

"Just say it."

"Twelve years we were together she never once mentioned wanting kids or even caring if we got married or not. Twelve years Matt. The day before I brought that skier home we had a huge fight about getting married. Cody and Sarah were about to get hitched and I wanted her to decide."

"I didn't know."

"It wasn't meant to be. I know that now. But days like today it hurts like hell. The day of Cody's wedding she told me that if things had been different maybe we could have worked things out."

"What things?"

"She never got pregnant." Cutler saw the look on Matt's face. "Over sharing?"

"A little, but you're my friend and you need to work this out."

"I didn't know that she went off her birth control the year before. She had it in her head that if she got pregnant we were meant to be."

"She told you that?"

"Yeah. That's why I slept with the skier." He sat down and looked into his coffee. "I see her with Morgan and I know that…she's so better off with him but I still wonder…you know." Matt looked at his friend.

"I give you all the credit in the world for being able to stay friends with her after all the two of you have been though. I know you mean the world to her Jim, but I understand if you need some time."

"I just…wonder sometimes if things had been different." He looked at Matt. "I'm glad she's happy Matt. In fact the more time I spend with Randa the more I think Jess was right about me finding someone."

"Randa? Really?"

"I know. First your sister now a presumed dead Marine. I just can't catch a break." Matt laughed. "How's Jess taking the twins news?"

"I think a little better then you my friend. Let's go find the rest of our team and get the hell out of here." Cutler nodded and they headed down the hall.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Are you okay?" Derek stroked his wife's hair as they waited for the lab to come take her blood.

"I have no other way to be now, do I?" He leaned over and kissed her.

"That's not the answer I was looking for."

"I don't know what I feel. I mean I was scared before but now…" The tears welled up in her eyes.

"Baby I'm here for you. Talk to me."

"I never felt like this." He stroked her cheek.

"And you think I have. Jess we were having A baby when I woke up this morning. Now we're having two. If you would have told me a year ago I was going to be married, living in the mountains and having twins I would have called you every kind of crazy but this is where I am and this is where I want to be."

"Are you sure?" Her brown eyes filled with fear looked into his soul.

"More and more everyday sweetheart." There was a knock on the door. "Come in." Cody stepped in the room.

"I just came to see how the two…or should I say four of you are doing?" Cody smiled.

"I've had better days." Cody came next to her and took her hand.

"You scared the hell out of this guy you know." Cody motioned toward Derek. "He saw Robin and just knew something was wrong."

"I'll be okay." Cody wasn't so sure.

"Jess you are not going to freak, you can do this." She wasn't looking convinced. Cody looked at Derek. "You want to give us a minute." Derek stood and kissed his wife's hand and left the room. "You're scaring him Jess."

"I'm scared. Cody nothing in this world scares me as much as me screwing things up." He sat next to her.

"Jess you've never screwed anything up in your life."

"You forget the twelve years I spend on Cutler."

"No, that wasn't a screw up, it was a life lesson." Cody looked at his sister. "You are not your birth mother. You have this awesome love that you share with the people around you. There is nothing you can't do with that love Jess. These girls are so lucky to have you as their mom." Jess closed her eyes and let the tears fall. "And even luckier to have me as their uncle." She laughed. "Jess my boys are barley three months old and they think you hung the moon. Your girls are going to think that too. And if the affect your husband has on my daughter is any indication what kind of father he's going to be, well then your children are the luckiest kids alive."

"You have always known how to make things right Cody."

"You taught me how." She smiled as the lab tech came in. "Hey Chelsea."

"Jess…long time no see." Cody slid out of the chair.

"I'll go get Derek."

"Chicken." She smiled and gave her arm to the woman who nearly fainted at the sight of Jess's gun sliding out of her purse.

"You're married now I hear." Chelsea took out her needle.

"Yeah." She jabbed the needle into Jess's arm. Jess flinched.

"Sorry." Jess knew she wasn't.

"I have tough skin. Matt's getting married next week."

"Married? I didn't know he was dating anyone."

"Robin." Jess felt the needle twist.

"Good for him." She pulled then needle out and put a cotton ball where the needle had been and bent her elbow. Derek came in just then and Jess was glad he did because if she had been left a moment longer she thought Chelsea would stabbed her with one of her needles.

"Chelsea." Derek smiled as the woman left. "What did you do her?" Derek sat down next to her.

"Drop one Glock on the table and she cops an attitude." Derek laughed. He put his hand on her belly. The girls gave a little kick.

"They're a little more relaxed?"

"Yeah." She touched his face. "I love you Derek."

"I love you to baby." Jess knew the next four months were going to be hard on all of them, especially her but she knew what would come out of it would be the best thing that ever happened to any of them. She hoped she could hold on that long.


	6. Chapter 6

Lost

Chapter Six

Jesse sat at the kitchen table. He knew Jess had been brought to the hospital by helicopter four hours earlier. Matt and the others had come home in Cutlers truck. He had yet to see Cody, Jess and Derek return. He didn't call Jackie because she would worry more then he did. The sounds of tires on gravel made Jesse take a deep breath. The front door opened and Jess walked in.

"Dad?"

"In the kitchen Jess." She was alone when she stepped into the large room.

"Is something wrong?"

"You tell me. Your brother takes you to the hospital by chopper and doesn't see to it that he calls me to tell me your okay."

"I'm okay daddy." She went to him and hugged him. "We're all okay." She pulled the chair out and sat in front of him. "I'm sorry we didn't call."

"You're going to be the death of me Jesse Lynne." She took his hands in hers.

"I know." She smiled.

"What did the doctor say?"

"That your granddaughters are healthy and a little high strung like they're mother."

"Granddaughters?" Jess nodded.

"I couldn't let Cody have one up on me."

"If that were the case you would be having triplets." Her father took her in his arms. "Jess your going to be such a good mother."

"Promise?" He hugged her tighter.

"Promise." Pushing her away, he looked into her eyes. "I know you're having a hard time seeing that right now but never doubt yourself Jess."

"Just tell me you're going to be around to make sure I don't mess this up." He smiled.

"You know I will. Your mom's on her way home. Why don't you stay and have lunch with us."

"Matt gave me the rest of the day off. I would love to spend the rest of the day here with you and mom." She stood.

"The doctor said everything is okay?"

"Just a growing spurt." She looked at her father. "They may be fighting for space before too long."

"Well now you know what me and your mother go through all the time with you and your brother's fighting." Jess laughed. "Why don't you go lay down till your mother gets here." She was extremely tired.

"I think I will." She stood. "Don't be too hard on Matt. He didn't have the time to call. I needed him to hold my hand till Derek got there." Jesse watched his daughter walk into the living room. He was glad to see after so many years she finally realized she could count on Matt to have her back just like she counted on Cody. The back door opened and Matt came in.

"Did you get her to rest?"

"Yeah, she's lying down on the couch."

"Good. I though she would listen to you." Matt looked at his father. "I was really scared there for awhile."

"You sister has that way some times."

"You're mad because I didn't call." Jesse shook his head and stood.

"I never get mad son." He smiled in that wicked way he did sometimes. "Just remember to call next time. In this age with all the high Tec gadgets you all carry around I'm sure you can figure out a way." He patted his son on the shoulder.

"Next time I'll call."

"I'd like to say there won't be a next time but this is your sister we're talking about."

"Well let's hope the next big drama is giving birth." Jesse smiled. Matt looked at his sister lying peacefully on the couch. Today he had been there for her like he had so many times before. But this time was different. This time she knew he was there for her.

"I told you that one day you'd be the best of friends."

"Yeah pop, you did." Matt turned and put his gloves on. "I've got a ton of work waiting for me at the office. Derek's off at six. Try and keep her here till then. I don't want her to be alone."

"You got it son." Matt headed back to the station.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Randa was getting tired of doing nothing. Then early morning drama that had missed her completely was the most that had happened all day. The snow started to fall again and everyone was staying in but she was feeling wrestles.

"Why don't you take a walk to see Jess at her parents?" She looked up to see Cutler sitting at the front desk.

"I guess I could use the fresh air."

"You could use more then that but that's the best we can do for now." Randa smiled.

"How's Derek taking the mornings drama?"

"He locked himself in the weather room with Cody bound and determined to learn how to read the radar."

"Keeps his mind off things I'm sure." She took her coat off the rack. "You looked a little pale when you came in. How are you taking the drama?" He looked at her.

"I gave up worrying myself over Jess Hawkes a few years ago." Randa shook her head. "What?"

"She's your friend. You would never stop worrying about a friend." Cutler looked at Randa. She was getting to know him a little too well.

"I guess your right. Tell her I said hi." Randa left and Cutler sat at the desk and contemplated the feeling going on inside him. He knew that Jess and Derek were meant to be. He had no doubts about that but he couldn't help but wonder what would have been if he hadn't made that one tragic error in judgment.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Do you really want to learn this crap?" Cody looked at his brother in law.

"Yes, Cody, I really want to learn this crap."

"I think you just want to keep your mind off the fact that you're having two babies instead of one."

"Better know four months ahead of time then the second one popping out of the chute like yours did."

"Less time to over analyze it my friend." Cody gave him another stack of papers. "Are your ready for this?"

"I think I'm more ready then Jess."

"Between you and the rest of the family she'll come around, don't you worry about that." Derek looked at Cody.

"Thanks for talking to her this morning. Lately no matter what I say she thinks I'm just saying it because it's what she wants to hear."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"We're not fighting, just not…"

"Getting your points across?"

"Maybe that's it, I don't know." He studied the report in front of him. "I just want her to know that she isn't in this alone."

"I think between you, me and Matt we might have got that through to her today." Cody got up to get another cup of coffee. "I think after all this time the Matt and Jess really know what they mean to each other."

"It shouldn't have taken this long but I'm glad they got all the crap worked out."

"You forget the crap never gets totally worked out around this place." Cody left and came back with his cup full. "But it is nice having them getting along so well. I never though I'd see the day they would be bonding like they have been."

"Not jealous are you?" Cody laughed.

"Never. It's good there's someone else to she can share her high mountain drama with. Now there are at least four of us to spread the joy." Derek laughed.

"You spent four years of collage looking at this stuff?"

"And another four in Corps."

"Better you then me, my friend."

"I always liked knowing what's coming." Cody sat back in his chair. "Dad always told me I had a knack for telling him when we were in for a storm. I bet he didn't think I was going to take it this far."

"You could have used it to become a weather man on TV." Cody smiled.

"That would not have gone over with Jesse. Besides, here is where I've always wanted to be."

"Roots are good." Derek glanced at the photo on the desk. It was one his wife had on their dresser at home. Cody, Matt, and Jess taken not too long ago on the porch of their father's cabin. Jess need roots now more then ever. He was glad he made the choice to come here.

"You okay?" Cody's voice broke into his thoughts.

"Yeah, let's get this finished so we don't get a call or miss your mom's pot roast."

"Amen to that."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Jackie Hawkes sat at the dining room table Jesse had made them when he built the house. It sat eighteen. He would have to make a bigger one before too long. Smiling she sat at the end of the table watching her family. Cody and his three beautiful children, Sarah by his side. Matt sitting next to Robin. It took him long enough to figure out that she was the one for him. Then there was Jess. Her dear sweet little girl. Jackie had almost given up on her being happy. Now she sat next to her husband and she was pregnant with twins.

"Mom?" Jess touched her hand. "Are you okay?"

"Cutler almost looks happy, doesn't he?" Jess looked toward the other end of the table. She smiled.

"Yeah, he does." Jess turned back to her mother. "Are you happy mom?" Jackie smiled at her daughter.

"You know I am."

"I'm glad." Jess knew that her mother worried about her more then she should. Now some of the burden was handed off to Derek. The evening was something they all needed. Though all the Rangers were considered family, only Cutler, Flynn and Randa were seated around the table with the Hawkes. Even though Randa was new to the circle she fit and Jess was glad she had wondered into their lives.

"It's getting late." Derek whispered in her ear.

"You have a hot date?" He took her hand under the table.

"I was hoping some alone time with my girls." Squeezing his hand Jess smiled.

"I like the sound of that. We'll help clean the table and head out." Flynn was behind her grabbing her desert plate.

"You'll do no such thing. You and Derek head home. Cutler and I have this." Jess looked at her friend. Cutler looked up at him.

"Since when do you talk for me Benji?" Cutler laughed and stood.

"I knew we kept you around for a reason Benji." He smiled and leaned over and kissed Jackie on the cheek.

"Excellent as usual Miss Jackie."

"You're a kiss up Flynn." Jackie laughed. "There's a pie with your name on it on the counter."

"If you were a single lady…"

"Flynn stops hitting on my wife." Jesse said from the other end of the table.

"Yes sir." Flynn smiled and took the plates into the kitchen. Jesse looked at his daughter.

"You better get home and rest." Cody laughed.

"Still finding ways to get out of chores I see little sister."

"You want to carry these babies for me, I'll be glad to wash a few hundred dishes." She stood. Derek behind her pulling out her chair.

"I leave the birthing babies to the woman folk." He stood and kissed Sarah as he grabbed some plates.

"Don't forget the city counsel meeting in the morning Jess." Matt said from the other side of the table. She smiled.

"When have I forgotten a city counsel meeting?" He smiled.

"Never. Make sure she sleeps Derek. I don't want to the counsel to think I'm over working my Rangers."

"Maybe if she does look all tired and drained they'll give us more money." Cody commented.

"It's not that kind of meeting. They want to ask us something." Matt replied. Derek grabbed his and Jess's jackets and helped Jess on with hers.

"Now I'm scared." Jess hugged her parents and said good bye to the rest of her friends and family. "See you all later." Jess and Derek left and slowly made their way to Matt's cabin. "It was a good night."

"How are you doing?" She looked at her husband.

"I think I need to pinch myself sometimes." Derek put his arm around her.

"It's real baby. Now we have two names to pick out instead of one."

"You're brining on more stress husband of mine." They got to Matt's cabin. "I think we might have to make a trip to Chicago. I think this is something your mother needs to here face to face."

"We'll see. I want you to rest. If I could tell you to quit work I would." He stopped her and kissed her. "I worry Jess. I worry that you don't worry enough."

"Do you think I would put our babies in danger?" She pulled away from him.

"I didn't say that Jess,"

"You implied it Derek." He shook his head.

"I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt our babies on purpose."

"So you think I might do something on accident." She turned and opened the door.

"Jess…" She was mad and he wasn't making things any better. He followed her into the house but she went into the bedroom and slammed the bedroom door. "We'll Cody will be happy we're fighting." Derek hung up his jacket. Going to the kitchen he put on the tea kettle on. He knew the couch was going to be his friend tonight. JT came in.

"How was dinner at the in laws?"

"Always a treat. How are Mia and McKenzie?"

"Awesome. Mia wants to come see Jess next week."

"She'll like that."

"Something happen today?"

"What makes you ask?"

"You're tense."

"Maybe the BAU could use you."

"I'm never working for the man again." JT smiled. "What's wrong?"

"Matt took Jess into the hospital this morning." JT turned and looked at Derek. "Everything is fine now."

"But..."

"Long story short I stuck my foot in my mouth."

"Been there done that." JT sat at the table. "Let the storm blow over and pick up the pieces. That's all you can do." Derek sat down as JT got a beer from the fridge.

"Every day I'm reminded that I don't know my wife as well as I should."

"Do you love her every day even though you don't know her as well as you would like?"

"Of course."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I just wish she would let me in. Some days we can talk for hours about everything and anything and days like today she clams up with one wrong word."

"You came into her life when things were finally on track with her. Matt and her started talking again when they found those bodies in the mountains. They had fought so long and hard for so many years I think they both were relieved it was over. They haven't fought in like over a year. None of them have."

"Are you saying Jess is just looking for a fight?"

"Maybe. I know that if there isn't drama, there isn't the Hawkes." He looked at Derek. "She loves you but she just can't quite get over the betrayal in her life. Matt sending her away, Cody leaving, Cutler being…well Cutler and her birth parents, there's a thousand reasons for her being on edge. Just give her some room." The tea kettle whistled and Derek got up and poured the hot water over the tea bag in the cup.

"If I give her room that gives her an opportunity to bolt, bolting is something I would like to avoid."

"You've got her Derek, there's no way she giving up on you ever. If I know anything about Jess is that she needs to be the best. The best cop, the best skier, the best friend, the best sister and daughter. The best wife and mother and I'm thinking she's feeling a little less then adequate."

"I never thought of it that way. Thanks."

"And take three steps back when you hand her the tea in case she's not over whatever you said to piss her off." Derek smiled and headed to his wife. She was sitting up against the headboard, eyes red.

"I'm sorry Jess." She looked at him.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You were just asking me to be careful. A perfectly reasonable request." He handed her the tea. "Thanks."

"I know your going to be careful." He sat next to her on the bed. "I've never done this before and either have you. It's going to be a rough road."

"I know. It was a long day and that's no excuse." Derek touched her cheek.

"Just talk it out baby. We'll get though this." She knew they would but until they did the uneasiness wasn't going away.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Cutler put another log on the fire and closed the grate.

"You're not sleeping down here again are you?" He looked up to see Miranda at the bottom of the steps.

"I don't plan on sleeping down here; I just end up doing so."

"I must say that couch does look much more comfortable then those cots."

"Why do you think Jess had her own room built? She spent more time on call the past few years living here actually made sense." He leaned against the hearth. "I may just move in there when your have to leave." She walked in front of him.

"Who said I was going anywhere?"

"I though maybe you'll want to get back to your life once things settle."

"What life Jim? I'm dead." He smiled.

"You have a point there." She leaned in. "Randa are you sure this is what you want?" He whispered.

"Yes. If I'm sure of anything else these past few days is that I want you." She leaned in and kissed him. He hadn't cared about much since the night Jess walked in on him and that skier, but there was something about Miranda Blake that made him want to care again. Maybe it was a fresh start for both of them.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Jess hit the brew on the coffee pot and took cups down from the cupboard.

"Please tell me you didn't make the coffee." Jess turned as Cutler hit the bottom step.

"I make a few lousy cups of coffee and the whole world won't let me forget." She smiled. "Morning Jimmy."

"Morning sunshine. How are the girls this morning?"

"Sleeping. Derek woke them up before his run this morning so I didn't get much sleep after five. How was your night?" Cutler couldn't help but smile.

"Good. Quiet." Jess looked at him. There was something he wasn't telling her, she could tell by his voice. But she wouldn't push. If he wanted to share, he would.

"Matt wants me to go to that counsel meeting with you guys at nine. Flynn said he'd take the radio."

"Sounds good. Any idea what the counsel wants?" Jess shook her head.

"It's hush, hush." Jess handed Cutler a cup of coffee and sat across from him. "How bad am I at taking criticism?" Cutler looked at her.

"You really want to know?"

"That bad?" He laughed.

"Worse." He wasn't sure where she was going with this but he wasn't going to get her mad before sunrise. "Everything you do Jess you do with such passion and grace that there isn't much about you to criticize. But you've been know to fly off the handle if you don't like someone's…observation of your behavior or actions,"

"I am kind of a bitch sometimes. It's a wonder you put up with me as long as you have." He stood and kissed the top of her head.

"I wouldn't change one minute or fight I've had with you Jess." He headed to the front desk. Jess smiled. She wouldn't change her life either. It took her most of her adult life to realize that. Stroking her belly she got up and headed to the weather room to file some reports before Cody got in.


	7. Chapter 7

Lost

Chapter Seven

Matt should know better then to get up and think that the day would bring sunshine and clear skies. He looked out the front window and wished he had rolled over and pulled Robin back to bed and shut the world outside.

"What's wrong?" Jess came up with a cup a coffee.

"You have to stop reading death and destruction into everything I say and do."

"That's what I do best."

"You ready for this meeting?"

"Depends what they're asking." Matt turned and looked at his sister.

"The sheriff department is making some cuts." He leaned against the window frame. "I think they want to put some more work on us."

"Another reason for the sheriff's department to hate our guts and try to do things them selves."

"They can't blame us for the cuts. They got all the money they asked for and more." He looked at his little sister. She looked better today then she had in a long time. "But without you this year we might have to eat a little crow when it softball season comes around. Get you coat. Cody's warming up the truck."

"I'll meet you outside." Jess went and got her coat.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Matt sat next to his brother and sister. The board had kept them waiting more then a half hour. Cutler checked his watch again. If they heard one more speech on why another business should be issued a liquor license they were going to bolt.

"Okay, on to new business." The Mayor stood up. "Matt." Matt stood. "I have a proposition for you and your team." He walked to the front of the table. "There's been some upheaval in the Sheriff's Department. They lost three deputies to the Highway Patrol and two on maternity leave. I know your friend JT's come into town and if I authorize the money to hire him and another Ranger would you be willing to pick up the slack until the Sheriff's back on his feet?" Matt looked at his brother, sister and Cutler. They didn't look convinced.

"How much slack are we talking about Mayor? I mean an extra car accident now and then is one thing but it's a big county. I can't have my people spread that thin."

"The Sheriff's Department will patrol the outer limits of the county. The Lake Tahoe Police Department will have the city limits. You have what's in between. Roughly fifty five square miles and the mountain roads."

"And you'll pay for two extra Rangers for the rest of the year?"

"Three years." Matt raised his eyebrows. He turned and looked at his team. The looked convinced. Matt turned back to the mayor.

"What's the catch?" The Mayor smiled.

"You are your father's son. No catch this time Matt. I know your team goes above and beyond and you deserve every cent we put into your department. More then once I've discussed making you the primary law enforcement team in the county but I don't think it would be fair to you or the tourist of this area if we took you away from what you do best."

"Thank you sir."

"If you need a dispatcher when your sister is on maternity leave, let the Sheriff know. He owes you big time." Handing Matt an envelope, the Mayor went behind the table once again and adjourned the meeting. Matt went back to his seat.

"Well that was interesting." Cody looked at the people milling around.

"Do you think JT will go for it?" Matt handed Cody the envelope the Mayor had given him. He looked at the figure written in it and whistled. "If he doesn't I will." Matt laughed.

"I guess he knew the four of us would take a lot of convincing."

"I guess." He handed the envelope back. Jess had been quiet. "You okay sis?" Jess nodded. "Are you sure?" Cody thought she looked a little pale.

"I'm fine." She stood up and pushed past Cutler and headed out the door.

"That wasn't fine." Cutler looked at his friends.

"Rock, paper, scissors to see what's wrong with her?" Cody looked at his brother.

"Let's get back to the station and let Derek deal with it. I got other things to worry about then my little sister's attitude problem." Matt followed Jess out.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Jess wasn't feeling the best when she sat back down behind the reception desk. Her head ached and her body felt like it wasn't fitting in her skin quite right. Something was wrong. Something she just couldn't put her finger on.

"Jess?" She jumped at the sound of Matt's voice.

"What?"

"What's wrong?"

"Cooper, Hart, Izzy and Derek went to Angel's Creek to find some winter campers."

"Yeah, Flynn told me." She looked at her brother.

"Something's not right Matt."

"I just talked to Hart. Everything's okay." She looked at him with those eyes that made him feel like he needed to do something to make it right. "I'll get Cody and fly over the site."

"Thanks." Matt smiled.

"You gut's seen us though a lot. Who am I to doubt it now?" He grabbed his coat and headed to the weather room to get Cody.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Randa went downstairs to look for Cutler. She had slept better then she had in weeks and she wanted to share her good morning with the man who made the night possible. Jess was at the front desk.

"Morning!" Jess looked up. Randa looked better then she had in days.

"Morning."

"How did the meeting with the city council go?"

"Good. They want us to take over some of the Sheriff's calls while he finds some new deputies."

"More work? Wow, you guys must eat, sleep, and dream rescues."

"Pretty much. How was your night?" Randa smiled.

"Good." Jess looked up at the sound of the older woman's voice. She had a grin on her face Jess had never seen in the short time they had been friends.

"Really?"

"Really good." Jess smiled.

"Good for you." The radio cracked.

"Flying Tiger to base."

"Go Flying Tiger."

"Send Frank up here with Robin. The campers had a run in with some wolves. Izzy and Hart went after the pack but I'm gong to call them back as soon as the other team gets here."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Jess just get Robin up here."

"Derek?"

"He's fine. I swear, just get Frank in the air."

"Yes sir." Jess hit Frank's and Robin's pager buttons."

"You don't believe him?" Jess looked up at Randa.

"Nope. Cutler's in the shed if you're looking for him." Jess turned back to the weather reports and waited for Frank and Robin to come in. Randa turned and left hoping Jess was wrong about Matt not telling her the truth.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"Maybe we should get Trainer out here." Cody looked at the blood around the camp site.

"It's an animal attack Cody. There's nothing Trainer can tell us that we can't see for ourselves. Derek has most of it covered already."

"We need to call Izzy and Hart back. These wolves were hungry. If the get the jump on them they won't know what hit them."

"Yeah, your right." Matt keyed his radio. "Flying Tiger to Black Magic."

"Go ahead Flying Tiger."

"Head back. It's getting colder and I don't like the way these wolves are acting."

"I was hoping you'd say that. We're two clicks out."

"Watch your backs but hurry."

"You don't have to tell us twice." Cody looked at Matt.

"Do you think Bailey's running with this pack?"

"I hope not. We have to put them down. They got the taste of human blood. There's no way around it."

"Bailey's smart. He wouldn't harm a human." Matt looked at his brother.

"Did you get sucked into Jess's world again today?" Cody knew the young wolf Jess saved from a trap three years ago was no harm to anyone but he had found a mate now and had a family. Maybe she was the hunter of the group and pulled him in.

"I just can't imagine that timid thing doing harm to anyone. Hell he wouldn't even eat the rabbit he brought home."

"Not till Jess cooked it and served it to him on a plate." Matt watched Derek survey the area. "Do you think he's okay out here?" Cody looked at his brother in law.

"I think he's better then most of the people we've hired. He knows his stuff and he keeps the drama to a minimum."

"He's married to Jess. Drama comes with the job. Do you think he'll keep this from her?"

"Matt you won't keep this from her, why should we ask him to." Matt looked at his brother. "What? I know you. All she'll have to do is say your name in that way she does and you'll be spilling your guts all over her desk." Matt knew he was right. The wild dog population was getting out of hand in the mountains. Coral Ridge used to keep the numbers at a minimum but since they shut down the dogs' numbers had grown.

"I don't think Bailey's running with them. Cutler and Cooper saw him last month closer to Lake Jen. I think he smelled Jess out there and is lying low till she comes back up here and he can get her scent again." Matt looked at the body bags. "We need to get this mess cleaned up before the devil bear wakes up and gets wind of this."

"I'm all for that." The other helicopter landed. Robin got out and looked at the two body bags lying on the ground.

"Looks likes I'm a little late for this party."

"I knew it was your keen skills of observation that attracted me to you." Matt leaned over and kissed her. "Wild dogs."

"Not pretty I imagine."

"No. I need you to take a look before we take them to the coroner. I don't want a panic to induce if I'm wrong."

"You're never wrong." Matt smiled.

"Remember that in two weeks when you marry me." Robin looked over the bodies.

"The third still missing?" Matt shook his head.

"There wasn't enough left of him to bag." Robin looked up.

"You're kidding, right?"

"I wish I was." Matt turned around when he heard voices. Izzy and Hart where coming out of the woods. "Let's get packed up. The weather isn't looking good and I want us all home by lunch."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Randa went to the barn. It was cold here. She wasn't quite sure she could get used to the cold after so many years in the desert. She found Cutler feeding carrots to Jess's Pinto.

"He's really starting to like you." Cutler looked up and smiled.

"I was hoping to butter him up so he would let me take him out." He patted the horse. "He only likes Jess and tolerates Matt. Jess can't ride him and Matt hasn't had the time."

"Pregnant woman can ride horses."

"Let's just say this one won't till things settle down." Randa stood next to Cutler.

"Thank you for last night." He looked at her and smiled.

"No need for thanks." He leaned over and kissed her. "It was a mutually fulfilling." Bekum nudged Cutler wining when his attention went to Randa.

"I think someone's jealous." Randa rubbed the horse's nose.

"He's used to getting all the attention." Cutler heard the sound of the helicopter coming in. "I'm off tonight. Dinner?"

"Yeah. I have some calls to make." She leaned over the horse's snout and kissed him again. "Don't miss me too much." Randa turned and headed out of the barn. Cutler closed his eyes and leaned against the horse stall. The woman was breaking down his walls.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Jess met Cutler outside near the landing pad. She looked at him. He was smiling like a fool.

"I thought she was looking a lot happier. Damn it Jimmy you slept with her." He looked at Jess.

"Do I have to sleep with someone to make them happy?" She looked at him and shook her head.

"Point taken." Watching Cody land she looked at him again. "I don't think I can stand it if she breaks your heart." She said softly. He looked her in the eye.

"I don't think I can either." She smiled.

"Then treat her right and maybe it won't happen." The helicopter landed and the two friends waited as Cody shut down the machine.

"I didn't treat you too bad, did I Jess?"

"No Jimmy, you just broke my heart." Jess started toward her brother's but turned one last time. "But I deserved what I got for what I did to you." She turned back and hoped her brother's didn't see the affect of her talk with Cutler just had on her.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"She looks stressed." Matt said as he grabbed his gloves from the dash of the chopper.

"Jess always looks stressed lately." Cody shut down the engine. "You telling her Bailey might be a wild dog buffet may not sit well with little sister."

"Who said I'm going to tell her?" Cody smiled.

"Twenty buck you don't make it the building before your spilling your guts." Matt looked at his brother.

"You're on." Matt stepped out of the helicopter and Jess was there to meet him.

"Where's Derek and the others." He looked at the warm brown eyes of his sister.

"On the way back. They should be to the back meadow by now." He started walking toward the building. Cutler went to Cody and the two watched as Matt started to crumble.

"Twenty says he won't make it off the pad." Cutler said.

"Not in the mood Jess is in. He'll walk and she'll be on his heals" Cody looked at his sister. She was tense.

"What aren't you telling me Matt?"

"Nothing to tell Jess."

"Then where are the campers? You and Cody should have brought them down. "He turned to go and she put his hand on his shoulder. Shaking his head he reached into his pocket and took out a twenty from his wallet and walked back to Cody and handed it to him.

"The campers were mauled by the wild dog pack that Coral Ridge kept thinned out. No ones been taking care of them for almost three months now and they're breeding."

"Bailey?"

"No sign of him but I cam back to get his tracker so we could make sure he's far away from the pack." Cody handed the twenty to Cutler. They hadn't left the pad.

"The campers…?"

"Pretty tore up."

"Those dogs have been in the mountains a long time." Jess turned when she heard the snowmobiles. "We need to find Bailey." She headed toward her husband.

"Jess…"Matt went after her. Cutler stood leaning against the chopper.

"You'd think he'd learn by now." Cody looked at his friend.

"After dating you for as long as she did you'd think she'd learn by now." Cody smiled and punched his friends shoulder. Cody headed to the barn and Cutler headed somewhere…anywhere other then where he was right now.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Matt played with the tracking device as he filled up his snowmobile. He looked up when he heard the door open. Derek came in.

"You can't hide that thing from her forever you know."

"I can try." Derek leaned against the back wall.

"I got her to back off for a few hours."

"Thanks." Matt turned off the pump. He opened the shed door.

"Whoa…whose bike is that?" Matt smiled at the Harley Fat Boy.

"Your wife's."

"Get back!" Derek looked at him then the bike. "She never told me."

"She doesn't know I kept it."

"Kept it?"

"Just before we found that first body she was packed up to go on this big time road trip." Matt sat on his sled. "She was hurting really bad. I don't if it was the way things were going with Cutler the way things were between us but she was restless. I had authorized three weeks off."

"Then you found that first body?"

"I tried to push her into taking the trip but she wouldn't leave with a killer in her mountains. Her and Cutler started talking again and she started letting me in. She told me that whatever it was pulling her away was gone. When you came into her life and she found out she was pregnant she told me to sell it."

"Why didn't you?"

"She spent two years restoring that thing and had me out here in the freezing cold painting the tank. I know she still wants that trip some day." Matt pulled some maps out of the bikes saddle bags. "Up the coast to Canada then to Alaska."

"Maybe after the babies…"

"Uncle Matt and Aunt Robin will be happy to baby sit." Derek smiled.

"I may take you up on that. The trip from DC was quicker then I would have liked."

"Maybe some time off this summer before the babies are born would be a good thing for both of you."

"Let's get over this drama and we'll talk." Derek looked at the motorcycle. "She sure does good work."

"That she does." Matt stood. "I guess I can't stall any longer."

"Matt, thanks for helping us make this work. I may of only known Jess a short time before…but just know I love her more then anything." Matt looked at his brother in law.

"If I didn't know that, you wouldn't be here." He patted the man on the back and got on his snowmobile and headed out.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Robin pulled up next to Matt. He'd been quiet all afternoon and she didn't like it one bit. When he got quiet things got messy. She learned that a long time ago.

"He's a good sixty miles from the pack."

"I want him as far away as he can get. They get wind of him and he's a goner. He'll die protecting his family." Robin took off her sunglasses.

"Kind of like someone else I know." Matt looked at her.

"You'd do the same." She knew she would. Not just for Matt or Jess but any of the team. "Maybe we should head back." Out of the trees came a sound. Matt took his binoculars and looked toward the timber line.

"Is it him?" Matt grinned.

"Yeah." Putting down his binoculars he whistled. The wolf looked up from the scent he was going after. Seeing Matt he ran toward him. "Be ready…I don't think he's gone devil dog but…"

"I got the trank gun ready." The dog was thirty feet from him before he confirmed he was right. The happy go lucky wolf Jess had rescued was still his old self.

"Hey boy!" The animal came to him. The snow was deep but it didn't stop him. "That's a good boy." Matt rubbed the wolf's ears. "Jess misses you boy." At the sound of his friends name his ears perked up.

"He's going to want to come down with us."

"Maybe we can take them up by dads." Matt looked at the edge of the timber line. "You're got your family boy?" The wolf howled. Two good sized pups and their mother came out of the woods. Robin smiled.

"They're looking good Bailey." Matt took out some jerky from his pocket and gave it to the animal. The pups were soon at their side along with Bella. Jess had named her when she was hurt before Thanksgiving. Matt handed out more jerky. "Do you think they'll follow us up the mountain?"

"As long as I have jerky…they will follow." He called in. "Flying Tiger to base."

"Ace here. Did you find the mongrel and his family?"

"Yeah. I'm taking him up to around Gabe's and dad's place. They'll be safe there."

"Good thinking. I'll tell little sister that it's all good. I talked to the DNR and we might have to help them with the dogs tomorrow. They want to get the pack put down before anyone else gets hurt,"

"They stopped selling camping permits?"

"Ten four."

"Okay, we'll be home in a few hours."

"Take your time. I'll hold down the fort. Ace out." Matt started up his sled and one of the pups jumped on the seat.

"I think you made a new friend." Matt laughed and rubbed the wolf's head,

"Great…let's get them to dads." He started his sled and they headed up the mountain.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-

Jess took the plates out of the cupboard. Everyone was safely home and the fear in the pit of her stomach had subsided. Maybe it had been for Bailey or those out in the field. She never really knew why she got the feeling of danger.

"Something more bothering you Jess?" Derek finished the pasta on the stove.

"No. I'm fine. How about you?"

"I never saw animals do that to a person before. It was pretty gruesome."

"You should see what happens after a bear gets to them." She smiled and set the table.

"You really want to go there." Jess laughed.

"No. I know those dogs have been around as long as the humans that live here but they never adapted. I was hoping Satin would get his paws into some of them." Jess leaned against the counter and looked at her husband. "Sierra Penelope Morgan."

"What?"

"You heard me." He looked at her and smiled,

"Sierra Penelope, I can live with that."

"I picked mine now you need to pick yours." Derek shook his head.

"Really. You're going to trust me with something as important as our daughter's name."

"I trust you with a lot more then that." He came to her and kissed her.

"I love you Jessie Lynne." Smiling Jess ran her hand down her husband's chest.

"Not as much as I love you." Matt and Robin came in the back door.

"Dinner smells great." Derek looked up.

"Stuffed mostacholi with marinara."

"Thanks for marrying my sister." Matt looked at Jess. "You think JT's home yet?"

"JT's here." He came in carrying a bunch of files. "Dad sent these for you to go over with Randa when you have a chance. Strictly your eyes only." He glared at Jess.

"Don't look at me. I know how to keep my nose out of the military files." JT shook his head. "Well most of the time." He glared at her. "Okay I will this time." She grabbed another plate and set it on the table. The Rangers gathered and Randa came downstairs. Dinner was passed around and a prayer was said. Coversation flowed as they talked of the wild dog pack and other cases. Jess went to get desert and Matt stood.

"You all know that the board asked us to pick up some of the Sheriff's slack until they hire a few people. They gave us some funding to hire a few extra staff ourselves. JT, they mentioned you by name."

"Me?"

"They mayor is quite impressed by the self control you showed when dealing with Kitrick and the whole Coral Ridge thing. He also knows that your part of this family weather you like it or not. No formal try outs."

"How can I refuse?" Jess put a big piece of cobbler in front of him.

"You can't." She looked at him. "You can bring Mia and Mackenzie home." JT looked at his friend and ex partner. She had been his rock for a lot of years and he knew that the more people Jess had around to keep her grounded the better.

"Do you think she'll put up with me full time?"

"If I have to suffer, so does she." Jess served the rest of the pie and sat down.

"So?" Matt looked at his friend.

"What do I have to loose?" Matt smiled. JT nodded. "I'll stay." So it was done. JT was the newest member of the High Mountain Rangers.


	8. Chapter 8

Lost

Chapter Eight

Matt sat at his desk and looked at the files in front of him. Randa watched him as he read. The man was intense…she would give him that.

"I don't want to go back." She said. Matt looked up.

"I don't think they can make you. But then again who knows. You can talk to JT. He would know more about your options. I think you might have a good argument because of your being dead and all." He smiled. Randa smiled too. She felt safe here with Cutler and the Hawkes.

"I have no home. My parents place was sold after they died because I was career military. I have some money set aside but who knows if I have access because of my status."

"I'm sure they'll reimburse you after all this. If they don't I have the name of a good lawyer."

"Does it say anything in those files that tells me what I was suppose to be doing in the admit building that night?"

"You worked till six and you never showed up for role call the next morning. That was six weeks ago."

"So the big question is where the hell was I for six weeks?"

"I think you need to talk to Jess. She's a pretty good puzzle solver."

"That's my next stop." She looked at the file Matt handed her. "I wish this was over and I could just go back to being me."

"You will Randa. My family and me have a way with making things right. You put a smile on my best friends face and that alone makes you a person we want to stick around." Randa blushed.

"He's been good for me." Matt chuckled.

"I don't think I ever heard anyone, even my sister, say Jim Cutler was good for them."

"Maybe it's because I've never had anyone put themselves out there like he has for me."

"He does like being the hero." Matt got up. "If you want me to go over these some more with you after your talk with Jess I'll be happy to."

"Thanks. Do you think she's up to talking to me? She looked a little beat the last time I saw her."

"She'll tell you if it's a bad time. She was in Cody's office last time I saw her." Randa stood.

"Thanks again Matt. For everything. I know it took a lot to take me without knowing what you were getting yourself into."

"You can thank Jess for that. She's the one that jumps before looking. But I'm glad we jumped." Randa smiled and headed to talk to Jess about the rest of her problems.

* * *

Jess sat at Cody's desk and wished she could close her eyes and make the last few hours go away. The dogs were moving fast and the DNR was having more trouble then usual finding them. To top it off she didn't feel good and Derek and Cutler had gone out to shag some skiers of the north face and weren't going to make it home by dark. A knock on the door make her look up.

"You got some time?" Randa was at the door.

"Sure, come on in." She sat down across from Jess after shutting the door. "What's on your mind?"

"A lot that I've been putting off talking about."

"Like?"

"What happened to make me end up in California?"

"JT's working on that. He tracked you to the day at the admit building but that's the last anyone saw of you until we found you the other day at the bar."

"So six weeks of my life is just gone?"

"We'll get it back." Jess leaned back in her chair. "How are things going other wise? Any head aches, dizziness?"

"Nothing."

"Sleeping okay?"

"Yes. Better then I did in Iraq."

"No bombs going of. No gun fire always makes for a better sleep." Jess looked at the older woman. She looked more rested and far more relaxed then she had a few days earlier. "Should we thank Cutler for the smile on your face?"

"He's helped me, yes." Randa bit her lip. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"No. Not really but his happiness is important to my family. Cutler means something to us. He is part of us."

"Do you still have feelings for him Jess?" Jess looked at Randa. She wanted to deny it more then anything in the world but she couldn't.

"I never was in love with Cutler Randa. I couldn't get over some things that happened between us over the years. He was my savior more times then I'd like to admit. Yes I love Jim Cutler like I love the rest of my family. Some days I see the man I wanted him to be and I miss what we had but I can honestly say that I'm over him." Jess smiled. "Who's the one getting counseled here?"

"Thank you for sharing that. I see you and Derek together and realize what I missed in my life and I think I could find that with Cutler if I could just get on with my life."

"We will get this wrapped up so you can start a new life. We would love to have you here."

"Thanks. This is the first place I've felt I could be myself. Even home, when my parents were still alive wasn't comfortable because they wanted a different life for me."

"I know how that can be. I know my birth parents were disappointed in everything I ever did. It wasn't till I moved here was I comfortable with whom I was becoming."

"From what I know Jess your pretty spectacular to this whole place."

"You really don't know the half of it." Jess stood up. "You'll have to talk to the Coronal and see if we can get you discharged and we can go from there."

"That sounds like a plan." Randa stood. "I have some things to take care of. Thanks for talking to me."

"Anytime." Jess watched the woman go and hoped she had the strength to see things though.

* * *

Matt watched as Robin finished feeding the last of the horses. It had been a really long day and to top things off he wasn't feeling like himself. For a man who never got sick that wasn't a good sign.

"You ready to go home?" He asked his wife to be.

"Already? It can't be much past five?" She smiled.

"Cutler and Flynn are back from that med flight so I though I'd call it a day. If anything comes up Cody and Jess are a phone call away."

"Your really getting good at delegating you know that?"

"It only took me twenty two years." They left the barn and headed home.

* * *

Jess sat on the couch next to her husband. He took her in his arms. She had been really quiet since dinner. He didn't like when she was quiet. It scared him. Pulling the blanket of the back of the couch he covered them both.

"Is something bothering you Jess?"

"Just tired." He stroked her hair.

"Are you sure that's all?"

"I'm sure. How was your day?"

"Long. It was like a week long rolled into one." The fire was slowly going out. "All the wedding plans set for next week?"

"As best they can be. Matt isn't sleeping on the couch so I guess the wedding is sill on."

"We should go to bed. Tomorrow isn't looking any better then today."

"You're starting to sound like me." Jess looked at her husband. "That's not a good thing Derek."

"I know. Your right about this being a long winter and us needing a break. We all need to take a day and head west toward the warm weather and sunshine."

"And the smog and the traffic." Jess snuggled into her husband. "Lets just stat right here." Hugging her close Derek knew that right here is where they both belonged.

"Sounds good to me."

* * *

Cutler pulled his truck up to the station and shut off the engine. It was still dark out and he knew he should go upstairs and try to get some sleep but sleep wouldn't come. That's why he went up to Raven's Ridge at two in the morning. Miranda was fast asleep when he got out of bed, restless and feeling boxed in. He got up and tried to work off the nervous energy. A knock at his window made him jump. He turned to see Jess standing next to his truck. He opened his door.

"What the hell are you doing up at four in the morning?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"Do you always have to be a brat?" She smiled.

"You know the answer to that." He got out of the truck. "I couldn't sleep and felt like I was going to burst into flames if I stayed inside one more minute."

"You too? I though it was just me." Jess leaned against the truck.

"Pretty sad isn't it." He looked at her.

"What?"

"You and me. We both find happiness and we both feel like its going to consume us to the point of suffocation."

"That's what you think this is?" Cutler looked at his friend. "You think that because I might finally have found someone I can live with for the rest of my life I'm starting to feel…suffocated?"

"Yeah." Jess smiled. "I think it scares the hell out of you." He shook his head.

"You scared the hell out of me. Miranda…she…" Cutler shook his head, "complements me. She makes me feel like…I might want forever." Jess looked at him. In all the years they were in and out of whatever it is they were in he had never looked or sounded the way he did just then.

"You really love her don't you?"

"I loved you Jess…but I think I'm in love with Miranda."

"You keep comparing us like you want me to tell you that what we had couldn't compare." He looked into her eyes. There was a sadness in them. "What do you want me to say? That what we had wasn't anything like I have with Derek and you have with Miranda? I know now that we were just two people who needed each other more then they should. I loved you too but I can honestly say that we…we weren't meant to be. Maybe we were just preparing each other for what was to come."

"I didn't mean to make it sound like that Jess." He looked out at the snow covered hills. "What we had is something I would never take back."

"I know. Me either. I guess I will always be a little on the defensive when it comes to you and me."

"I guess we both are." He put his arm around her and started walking toward the station. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

Six o'clock in the morning always came to fast. Cody got up and was showered and ready to take the helicopter up when the sun reached the horizon. Jess and Cutler were sitting at the table when he got to the station.

"You two are up early." Jess looked up.

"Couldn't sleep. Derek just left for his run. He said he'd be back in a half hour so he could go up with you."

"The dogs are getting close. The deer have been staying close to the back shed." Cody poured himself a cup of coffee and sat next to his sister. "I don't like them this close to town."

"I talked to Todd Rains at the DNR. He's not having too much luck tracking them. He wants one of us to start at Coral Ridge."

"You're not going up to that God forsaken place." Cody glared at her.

"I wasn't planning on it. I was hoping you would when you and Derek were flying up there anyway."

"I was planning on staying in the air, not being on foot when they decide they're hungry."

"Chicken?"

"No I kind of like my face the way it is. You didn't see those campers Jess. Those dogs don't take any prisoners." She looked at her brother. Things didn't scare him. The dogs worried him. He was worried they were too close. Close to the people he cared the most about.

"Maybe you'll see something from the air that the DNR couldn't."

"Maybe. Matt in yet?"

"No. That's not good. Cody he's been running himself ragged for the since the thing with Robin's brother."

"He's taking a week off after the wedding."

"Cody that's a week away." Matt walked in just as Jess got up to call him. "Matt…"

"You can stop worrying Jess it's not as bad as it looks." It looked bad. His shoulder was in a sling and his cheek bruised in an array of colors. "I backed into T-Bone's stall and scared him. He bucked and I didn't duck."

"I told you we should of shot that jack ass years ago." Jess went to him. "Tell me he's on his way to the glue factory." Matt looked down at his sister, worry overflowing in her eyes.

"You know I can't do that. Dad would send me right after him. He's had that thing since I was a kid. Please don't look at me like that."

"Damn hormones." The tears welled up in here eyes.

"You said it." He took his good arm and brought her into a hug. "I'm okay. Really."

"I know. I just…" She pushed away from him and headed out of the room. Matt watched her go.

"Is she okay?" Cody looked at the direction his sister had headed.

"Cutler you head to the barn. I'll go make sure the gun cabinet is still locked." Cody put down his coffee cup and headed after his sister.

"It was a stupid accident." Cutler looked at his friend.

"I told you man your too old to have a roll in the hay no matter how hot she is." He smiled at Matt. "Was it worth it?" Matt blushed.

"Hell yeah." Cutler stood, patted his friend on his good shoulder and laughed.

"Good for you buddy." He grabbed his jacket.

"You really don't think Jess will shoot him do you?" As Cutler headed out the door he turned back.

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Cutler headed out the barn with Matt tailing after him.

* * *

"Jess you can't punish T-Bone for Matt being accident prone." Cody stood by the door of the barn. Jess glared at him. "Dad will hate you forever if you shoot his oldest and dearest pet. I think he likes T-Bone more then he likes Cutler."

"He needs to go Cody. He's a menace."

"So are you but I don't shoot you because of it."

"Move Cody James or I will shoot you fist." Matt was coming from the back of the barn.

"Jess, come on. You can't shoot that jack ass and I won't let you shoot T-Bone either." Jess looked at her brother. "Jess…please. Put the gun down and let them both live okay." He knew that his sister's restlessness the last few days was getting to her. This was just an excuse to shoot something. "Why don't you have Derek take you to the ridge and you can shoot some hay bales or something."

"It's not the same Matt." He knew shooting Cody was an empty threat. The gun wasn't even raised and even if it was he had no fear his sister would shoot their brother.

"Derek will be back from his run soon and if he walks in on this you know there's going to be hell to pay Jess. He's not going to understand that you're just letting off a little steam and he might turn tail and leave." Jess smiled and looked at her older brother.

"You think? The rest of you stick around why wouldn't he?" Matt knew she was over the anger that fueled her to get the shot gun and head out here but he wasn't too sure Cody was. He had the look in his eye that he would take her down if she wasn't nearly four months pregnant.

"Give the gun to Cody and let's go inside." She pumped the shot gun and took a step forward.

"Jess please Dad will never talk to you again if you shoot that donkey." Cody looked like he would be the one to blame if Jess put the old mule out of his misery.

"And that's supposed to be a bad thing?"

"JESSIE LYNNE!!" Jesse's voice boomed over. "Stop teasing your brother and get back to work." Jess turned to see her father walking up the drive.

"Aww…dad come on. He deserves a good…shot in the ass." Cody picked up a snowball and threw it at his sister's head. Jess turned and picked up snow and whipped back at him. Ten minutes later Derek jogged to the top of the hill finding the Hawkes, three Rangers and one dead Marine having a snow ball fight at six-thirty in the morning.

* * *

Matt looked at the deer in the meadow. They were scared but not of the humans that lived just beyond where they stood. It was what was lurking in the mountains that had them scared.

"Is Robin mad because you're going to have a black eye for your wedding pictures?" He turned to see Jess standing in the door way.

"She's going to let Sarah see if she can cover it up." He sat behind his desk. "You done acting like your twelve?" She smiled.

"You would miss it if I grew up." She sat across from her brother. "I wouldn't have shot T-Bone. I just wanted to see if the rest of you thought I could."

"You could never kill a creature that wasn't suffering. I've always know that." He smiled. The others might not think you have a heart but I know it's there somewhere."

"You always believed in me even when I didn't." Jess looked at her older brother. "Thank you."

"You always know that I'm here for you, right?" Smiling Jess curled her legs under her.

"Even when I don't think I need you I know you have my back." They sat in a quiet comfortable silence for a few minutes. Matt took a file and slid it across the desk.

"The sheriff sent this over a few minutes ago." Jess took the file and opened it. It was an old case. Two teenagers killed over ten years ago. She remembered Matt and the other's searching every inch of Desolation and coming up empty. It had been a bad time for her and Cutler too.

"Why are they opening it now?"

"One last shot before the case gets put away for good. A few things have come up since then but nothing we didn't already know."

"Why me?"

"Because you weren't around back then. A fresh set of eyes and all. I want you, Derek and JT to sift though the evidence and see if you can see something we didn't." Matt looked at his sister. "These kids were well liked, athletic, survivors. I want to know if they just bailed or did someone truly take them from that campsite."

"You and Jimmy worked day and night on this for weeks."

"And who do I send to Desolation now?"

"Anyone but you and Jimmy."

"If these kids skipped town I want to know. I need to know. It's the only case I can't let go. I need you and Derek to profile these two and see…if Cutler and I beat ourselves up for nothing."

"Funny how the Sheriff just happen to send this file now."

"The Sheriff is funny that way isn't he?" Jess stood. "Kel is brining the rest of the boxes this afternoon." Matt looked at his sister. "I just need to know what happened to them Jess. They may be in LA living the dream but I just have to know."

"I'm on it. Just don't let it coming up now bring you down. Even with a bruised ego you looked so happy this morning. Don't let anything ruin that." Matt smiled.

"I promise." Jess left her brother knowing that solving this case would be the best wedding present she could give him.


	9. Chapter 9

Lost

Chapter Nine

"Jess!" Izzy was standing in front of her and she hadn't heard him come in let alone walk up to her desk.

"What?"

"Kel just brought those files Matt asked for. I put them in the conference room."

"Thanks." He didn't leave her then. "What?"

"Jess you know this case nearly took all Matt had." Jess looked at the man in front of her. She had been pretty into her own life ten years ago when the kids first came up missing. Visiting once while the case was open she wasn't really talking to Matt at the time let alone noticing he was nearly spent.

"I really wasn't much into making his life easy back then."

"Yeah well he nearly lost it when he couldn't get a lead on this. I don't want it to bring up any bad feelings."

"Bad feelings?"

"Matt and your dad fought a lot over this case. He wouldn't let it go and your dad didn't want him to keep going."

"Jesse and Matt always fight. It's in their nature."

"Not like this Jess. Matt was almost ready to quit before the e-mail stopped the investigation." Jess bit her bottom lip. She knew Matt and their father often took sides on cases new and old but to have Matt that close to quiting.

"Who did Matt look at first?"

"The girls soon to be step father. He was in San Francisco the week she disappeared but there are more holes in that story then anyone could plug up. He was a good man but something about him rubbed Matt the wrong way."

"Any idea what happened to him?"

"Married the girls mother a year after she disappeared. They had a couple of kids and divorced about three years ago."

"Who is this guy."

"Sterling Maddox." Jess new at that moment why her brother and father had fought over the case. Sterling Maddox had been one of the best defense lawyers in California for more years then she could remember. Jess stood up and looked out the window.

"Dad lost a lot of cases because of Maddox."

"TJ Cousins for one."

"That was the worst. Dad didn't want Matt to go toe to toe with this guy what makes him think that dad will let me."

"I think you know the answer to that." Jess looked at Izzy.

"Get JT and Derek to meet me in the conference room." She grabbed the file sitting on her desk and headed to find out what her brother couldn't.

* * *

Derek looked at his wife as she read the file in front of her. She looked tired yet a peace. He wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. She looked up when he opened the door.

"Hi." She smiled at him and he knew it was a good thing. Jess hadn't smiled much lately but he knew as the morning sickness subsided and the news of the twins growing inside her sunk in she would be okay.

"How's my girls?"

"Quiet for once." She let her husband rest his hand on her bump. He was greeted with a small kick. "They say hi." Jess smiled again. Derek leaned over and kissed her.

"Hi back." He whispered. The sound of someone clearing his throat stopped the exchange from going any further.

"Sorry to interrupt." JT smiled and took a seat at the table.

"No problem." Derek moved away from his wife and sat on a chair. Jess stood and handed files to each of them.

"Kelsey Morris and Perry Becket were camping in Desolation for three days. They had a permit and were do out of the woods on July seventeenth. When they didn't check out the Ranger station sent someone to check to see if they just forgot or were they still in the woods. Perry Becket's brand new Ford Bronco was parked at the east lot. The Ranger looked around a the three mile trail where most east lot parkers camp." Jess showed the men on the map. "Nothing turned up so they called the Hight Mountain Rangers. Matt and Cutler headed into Desolation on the eighteenth. They found their camp nearly seven miles in. It looked like they had just disappeared. The fire had long gone out but there was a pot of water and their clothes were hung, tent up and food tied into the tree by the fire. Hiking boots were in the tent but Matt found flip flop marks near the creek so he assumed they had some sort of foot ware on."

"These were kids just out of high school?" JT looked at his file more closely.

"Juniors in collage. They were on break for the summer and wanted some time before school to be alone together. Kelsey's mom and Perry didn't see eye to eye on much. Perry said her mom needed to cut some strings. Diane Morris was a good mother, just protective."

"Who did Matt like for this?" Derek looked at his wife.

"The soon to be step father. Sterling Maddox." JT whistled.

"Who's Sterling Maddox?" Derek looked at JT.

"Next to Schwarzenegger he's the next biggest thing in California. OJ wanted this guy but even he couldn't afford him."

"Money can buy a lot of things."

"Funny thing is with him it isn't all about the Benjamin's." JT looked at Jess and Derek. "Its the photo op for him. It always has been. Ten to one he represents our good buddy Kitrick. Jessie girl this could get messy." Jess looked at her friend.

"Does messy bother you McCullen?" He shook his head.

"You know the answer to that sweetheart but do you really want to dig into this shit pit because it's going to get really messy and with your condition and all I thought maybe messy isn't the way you want to get right now." Jess stood up and taped the pictures of the two missing teens up.

"These are someone's children JT. They need to be put to rest or found. I know that my parents couldn't live without knowing if one of us was...dead or alive." JT knew she was right.

"Okay then. Where do we start?"

"Maddox." Jess looked back at her husband and partner. "We start at the deep end."

"Let's hope we don't drowned before we learn how to swim." Derek looked at the determined look on his wifes face and knew they were in this for the long run.

* * *

Matt stood in his parents kitchen with a cup of coffee. His mother was sitting at the table taking with Robin going over last minute wedding details. He couldn't believe after all this time he was finally marring the woman he spent his life waiting for. His phone started ringing. Robin looked up.

"Don't answer that." She smiled knowing he would.

"I promise unless the place is falling in around them I will not go into work." He flipped open his phone. "Hawkes."

"How's the wedding plans going." Jess asked.

"Why aren't you here helping?"

"You know me. I would rather be rousting criminals then trying on taffeta."

"Who would you be rousting this time."

"Do you really want to know this close to your wedding day?"

"If it's who I think your about to tangle with Jess just be careful."

"I have Garcia looking into the latest e-mail from Kelsey. Also she's trying to trace the one they got back in ninety nine."

"If you find out it came from anyone connected to Maddox Jess I want you to call in the FBI. I don't need him trying to hang a third of my team out to dry."

"What's dad going to do when he finds out we've reopened this case?"

"He's not going to find out."

"Matt, you can't hide something this big from him." Matt looked at his mother and wife to be sitting at the table. He knew Maddox had something to do with his step daughter's disappearance. He would be his badge on it.

"The last time dad dealt with Maddox TJ Cousins got life instead of the death penalty and we know how that ended." Matt still cringed thinking about the escape of the mass murderer. It had taken a lot out of his family all those years ago.

"I'll do what I can to keep him clear of this Matt but...I know you think I can handle him better then you and Cody but I can't."

"Jess right now the only people I trust with this is you, Derek and JT. Izzy is the only one other then the three of you who know that second letter came. I need you to work your magic and figure this out so Kelsey's mom can put her daughter to rest. "

"I just got a call from Ohio. Perry's dad died last month in a rest home. He had a stroke about a year after Perry disappeared. No one claimed his property so I'm having it sent here."

"Maybe there's some clue in his personal things."

"I hope so." He heard the weariness in his sisters voice.

"Get some rest. Tomorrow's a new day."

"I'll get the guys to move the stuff out of the conference room and into the back interrogation room so dad won't go snooping around."

"Good thinking. I'll be in tomorrow early."

"See you then." Jess hung up and Matt put his phone away. He knew putting this on Jess was going to make waves sooner or later but he needed some answers and right now she had the power to get them.

* * *

Cutler rolled over and found the place next to him empty. Sitting up he found Randa sitting on the window seat watching the snow fall.

"Something wrong?" She turned and looked at him.

"No, just sitting here thinking." Smiling she got up and go back into bed. "I talked to McCullen last night." Cutler looked at the woman in his arms.

"Your ready to go back?" She could see the fear in his eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere Cutler. He's sending my discharge papers to the station." She ran her hand down his face. "You James Cutler are stuck with me." He smiled.

"I like the sound of that." She looked into his eyes.

"I want to remember the last six weeks but I don't want to stop living my life. This is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been and I want to enjoy it. I want to enjoy this." She kissed him.

"Okay." He smiled and rolled her over on her back. "The I will show you everything Lake Tahoe and the surrounding area has to offer." Rand laughed and let him show her all the sights.

* * *

Cody closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep but the little girl giggling next to him wouldn't let him.

"Ava, it's five thirty."

"Uncle Derek is coming for breakfast." Cody opened his eyes. "He said so last night."

"Baby, breakfast isn't for another hour and a half. Why don't you go back to bed."

"I can't daddy. I'm to 'cited." Cody shook his head. "Aren't you?"

"Oh yeah." He rolled over and smiled at the little bundle of energy next to him. "You really like your new uncle don't you?"

"Don't you?" Cody smiled.

"Yeah I do."

"He makes auntie Jess smile." Cody wondered how a five year old got so smart. Even she knew that Derek Morgan had made Jess a better person.

"That he does." The girl snuggled closer to him. "You know who makes daddy smile?"

"Me?" Cody laughed.

"Yeah baby, you and your bothers and your mom." Cody knew when he married Sarah that his life would change for the better. He just didn't know how much.

* * *

Matt stood next to his sister and looked over the files she had given him. Questioning Maddox was going to take a talent that he knew was a something his sister had. But he didn't wish it on anyone.

"I want you to take Derek and JT with you."

"He'll think we're ganging up on him."

"I don't care. I don't want him thinking he has power over you. Derek can read him while your talking to him. He doesn't have to know that we're looking at him as a suspect I want him thinking were just tying up loose ends."

"I talked to Garcia this morning and the e-mails were a dead end. The first one was just to old and the technology wasn't there. The one that came last week was rerouted though about six thousand different addresses. She narrowed down to southern Ohio."

"Isn't that where Perry's dad was in the nursing home." Jess nodded.

"That's why your in charge big brother." He smiled.

"Don't get cocky. I want you to go though Becket's things the minute they get here."

"You got it." Jess went to look for her husband and partner.

* * *

Sterling Maddox was a young fifty five. Handsome and charismatic with money and power. Jess knew it was a dangerous combination. The office was as classic as it was classy. Maddox had gone into the private sector long before Jess had stepped foot back on the mountain. She was kind of glad she had never faced he man in court. He didn't know what she had or how she played. Jess would use that.

"Mr. Maddox thank you for seeing us."

"Your office seemed to think i may be of some help finding what happened to my step daughter. I don't how I can help."

"The new e-mail that your ex wife receive may have came from a web address here in Tahoe. We were hoping that maybe you knew of anyone that might of helped Kelsey and Perry leave town back then? Any friends that would cover for them?"

"You should be asking her mother that. I didn't really relate with Kelsey back then. She was young and impetuous. The Becket boy was her way of rebelling."

"Perry was a strait A student with plans on going on to law school. How does one rebel by dating a boy like that?"

"Your Jesse Hawkes kid, right?" Jess looked into the mans gray eyes.

"Yes." He smiled. "That doesn't answer my question Mr. Maddox."

"Your daddy wouldn't find fault in any man you dedicated your life to before you graduated college, no matter where he was headed?" Jess thought about Cutler and how she spent most of her young adult life and how she had hurt her family by pursuing the dead end relationship.

"My father supported my choices." Her eyes said everything at that moment. The warm caring good cop that entered the office was gone. The cold bitch that lived deep inside her surfaced. "Your step daughter's disappearance seemed to delay a lot of things in your life. Including your rise to the top. The perfect wife became the mother of your illegitimate children and a black mark on your untarnished career."

"As you can see it didn't harm anything I was trying to accomplish."

"Maybe it was damage control." The ice in Jess's voice even surprised JT who was standing by the door.

"Damage control?"

"Kelsey didn't like you. She saw what kind of man you could be. The man her mother didn't see. Maybe Perry found things out when he was working with the law review at UCLA."

"Your over stepping Ms Hawkes."

"I just want to know what Kelsey had on you Mr. Maddox."

"Does you daddy know your playing with fire little girl?" Maddox stood. His six foot two frame towered over his desk. Derek too a step forward knowing his wife had it under control but he didn't like the way the man had tensed when Jess had pushed the right buttons.

"My daddy doesn't own me. He has been nothing but the best father he could be, even after all TJ Cousins put him though. You remember him don't you? The man that killed like a dozen people and tried to kill most of my family and friends because you got his death sentence reduced to life."

"Is this why your harassing me. Because of something that happened twenty five years ago?" Jess stood.

"I don't hold grudges Mr. Maddox. I do know that your step daughter just didn't run away to LA or New York. I know that you had something to do with her going missing and I won't rest until I find out what." Jess turned then and started to the door.

"I have more connections in this state then you'll ever know. You keep digging into my life Ms. Hawkes, I will take you and all your little ranger friends down." Jess turned and Derek knew that the man had hit a nerve.

"You mess with this family Maddox, you'll pay the price. We're not my daddy's Rangers anymore. Those connections you think you have you might want to start calling them. You'll find out that this department has a few connections of their own." Jess turned back toward the door and left. Before Derek could follow Maddox stopped him.

"If your career means anything to you, I suggest you find a new job before the High Mountain Ranger boat starts to sink." Derek looked at the distinguished man and shook his head.

"You picked the wrong woman to mess with Mr. Maddox. If you had anything to do with Kelsey's disappearance I suggest you start putting you house in order because she will take you down." Derek slipped out of the door and followed Jess and JT out to the car. He slid behind the wheel and looked at his wife. She was shaking but not from being afraid of the man she had just confronted. Saying she was pissed was an understatement. "He was lying though his teeth about Kelsey but he wasn't about making waves."

"You think I don't know that?" She closed her eyes and leaned against the head rest. "The FBI needs to know that he's agitated." Derek took his phone out of his pocket.

"Hotch will know who we can trust at the Sacramento office." Jess knew that he was right. JT looked at his friend. He knew she was ready for a fight but she wasn't sure if she wanted to bring the team down with her.

* * *

Mat was in the barn when Derek pulled up to the station. He finished cleaning Prince's stall before he headed to find out what had gone down with Maddox. When he entered the kitchen the look on Derek's face told him it hadn't gone well. He followed the younger man into the back room.

"Where's Jess?"

"Taking to the Sacramento FBI office."

"How much damage control are we looking at?"

"He's not going to let it slide, thats for sure." Matt looked out the glass window at his sister in his office.

"Turn his world upside down Morgan. I don't want him to have a chance in hell to hide his skeletons." Derek nodded and went to get TJ to start questioning the one person who knew more about Maddox they anyone. His ex wife.

* * *

Lacie Maddox wasn't the class act her ex husband had been. She was petite and fragile. Nothing like JT had expected. Maybe being married to Maddox for five years had taken the fight out of her.

"So you think she might really be alive?" She looked so small as she asked Derek the question that they all wanted to know the answer to.

"The question is, do you?"

"She was a good girl Ranger Morgan. I mean the way her father treated her as a child she could of gone the other way but she didn't. She got good grades and worked hard after school to earn money for college."

"Why didn't you approve of Perry Mrs Maddox?"

"He was a good boy but he wanted so much more from Kelsey then just dating. He had this five year plan that included Kelsey. I just didn't think she was ready for that kind of commitment."

"Did she?"

"She loved Perry with all her heart but she wanted to experience a little more life before she settled."

"Did she tell Perry that?"

"Yes, she did. He was okay with that. That's why they planed the trip. She loved to camp and she loved the rodeo. They went to the finals in Carson City the morning they left. It was a two day event. They spent the night in a little hotel on the outskirts and then headed to Desolation on the morning after the rodeo ended. It was a dream trip." Derek looked at the woman. She was tired. Tired of worrying about her daughter's where abouts. Tired of wondering is she was dead or alive.

"I don't know your ex husband but what I've heard he can be a vindictive man. Do you think that he had anything to do with Kelsey's disappearance?"

"It's true that Kelsey had no love for Sterling but she knew he made me happy and she was okay with that. Sterling is a bastard in the court room but he would never hurt anyone, especially Kelsey." Derek stood and JT followed.

"Thank you for your time Mrs. Maddox. We'll be in touch." Derek shook the woman's hand and headed out to the truck. JT looked back at the modest house.

"What do you think?"

"I think we need to see if we can find somebody in the DA's office that has anything bad to day about Maddox."

"I vote we start with the inters and the law clerks. They hear and see everything and no one pays much attention to them unless they screw up." Derek put the truck in to gear.

"Dated a few of them, have you?" The older man looked at Derek.

"Like you haven't." Derek shook his head.

"I'll never tell." They headed downtown to the District Attorney's office.

* * *

The phone rang just as Jess was getting up to get something to make her feel less like jello wand more like herself.

"Ranger's office, Hawkes."

"Jess, how ya doing?" Jess smiled at the older man's cheerful greeting.

"Hey Red. I'm fine." Red Montgomery had been with the DNR for more years then she could remember. "What can I do for you?"

"I need a sharp shooter or two to take out that pack that mauled the campers."

"You cant just throw them a tainted carcaus?"

"Too close to the state line. I'd have them Nevada boys so far up my ass they'd be related to me by morning." Jess smiled.

"I got Trainer here. If you need someone else I guess I can slide away from my desk for a few hours."

"Hell no, kid your daddy told me your with child, there is no way I'm having you trapes up here to kill a few strays."

"I would like to help Red. These dogs are putting Baily and his family in danger."

"Send me Trainer and when you birth them babies we'll talk." Jess laughed.

"Okay, you got it. Give me the coordinates and I'll send him your way." Jess wrote down the dogs position and went to find Trainer.

* * *

The end of the day couldn't come fast enough. Trainer had gotten three of the twelve dogs in the pack. Derek and TJ found out some interesting stories about Maddox and his unorthadox ways and Jess felt like she needed a week long soak in the tub. Gathering up her files she locked them up and headed out of the interrogation room.

"Jess." She stopped. Her father's voice echoing though her head. Turning she looked at him.

"Daddy." He walked up to her.

"Are you out of your ever loving mind?"

"Could you be more spacific?" Crossing her arms over her chest she glared at her father.

"You know what I'm talking about."

"Well even if I did daddy it's an open case and I really can't talk to anyone but the agencies involved." Turning around she headed down the hall and slammed the two files she hand in her hand on Matt's desk. He looked up as she left his office and headed for the kitchen. His father still standing frozen in the hall. Jess took her coat off the hook and headed out the door. Matt found the phone and dialed Morgan's cell phone.

"Hey boss man, what's up?"

"Dad's here and Jess just left looking like her whole world was falling apart. I'll deal with the old man...can you get home and deal with Jess?"

"On my way." Matt hung up and went to his father still standing in the hall.

"Dad?" He turned and looked at his son.

"She's going to get hurt Matthew. Maddox is a killer. I knew it back then and I sure in hell know it now."

"Jess knows what she's doing dad. I need her to handle this her way."

"Her way is to go head long into Maddox's office and accuse him of killing his step daughter?"

"If that's what you got out of your second hand gossip I guess that's the way it went down." Matt looked at his father. "Jess is the best I have when it comes to finding out the truth and now with Derek and JT I know I can pin Kelsey and Perry's deaths or disappearance on Maddox. I know those two men will keep her safe. I wouldn't put her or her babies at risk Dad."

"But you have Matt. Her little visit to Maddox today just might of put the whole lot of you in harms way. He might decide to turn what ever cases you have pending into lost causes."

"I don't have any pending cases that's why I picked now to rock his boat." Matt looked at his father. "Someone sent an e-mail to Kelsey's mom. It said she was safe but she wished she could come home. When her mom sent an e-mail back it came back saying there was no such address." Matt knew his father well enough to know that he wasn't convinced. "Dad I wouldn't put Jess into any danger. Really. " That was one thing Jesse knew for sure is that Matt would never put one of his people, especially his pregnant sister in harms way.

"Next time you want play chicken with a dagerous man don't make your sister take the fall. I know you did so I would get over it faster then if I had to come to you find out."

"Jess needed something to do."

"Next time let her file papers not confront a killer." Jesse put his hat on his head and headed out the door. Matt took a deep breath and prayed Jess would recover and they could put Maddox behind bars.


	10. Chapter 10

Lost

Chapter Ten

Jess was in the tub when Derek finally made back to the house. He stood at the door watching her. Whatever she was dealing with he couldn't see it in her face. She looked relaxed and almost untroubled.

"Are you going to stand there all night and watch me or are you going to join me?" Derek smiled.

"Your brother is worried about you." He came and sat next to the tub.

"My brother needs to stop worrying about me. I'm not a child any more. I can handle my father just fine."

"You really think that don't you." Jess opened her eyes. She knew he husband was right.

"No. I just know he needs to stay out of this or it could get messy."

"Jess you know you live for messy. Just don't piss off your dad. I really don't think you want to fight with him."

"Who's fighting?" Jess smiled. "I'm ready for bed." Derek shook his head and stood. Taking his wife's hand he helped her out of the tub and wrapped her in a towel.

"I hope sleep wasn't what you had in mind darlin', cause I don't think I'm quite ready." He kissed her.

"Sleep is the farthest thing from my mind." Derek knew this wasn't over but he hoped he could put off the drama for a little while longer.

* * *

Jess sat up with a start. It was still dark and the room was cold. She turned to see Derek next to her, cell phone in his hand.

"Who do you need me to call?" Had she been more awake it might have surprised her that her husband knew what she needed but the fog of the dream still lingered.

"Matt." Derek dialed and handed the phone to her. It rang three times before he answered.

"Jess, I'm a little busy, can I call you back?"

"Traffic stop, grey sedan?"

"Yeah, how…I don't want to know."

"Call for back up."

"Jess come on. It's a college kid speeding at three in the morning."

"Matt…"

"Okay." Matt set down the phone and picked up the radio. "Izzy, are Hart and Cutler back from the welfare check yet?"

"They're bringing Bess in. She was a bit dehydrated so they didn't want to take any chances. You need something?"

"Call the sheriff's department and get me some back up."

"You got it." Matt put down the radio and picked up the phone.

"Happy now?"

"When your backup gets there I'll be ecstatic."

"I should ask why I'm doing this but I have this strange feeling I don't want to know."

"Just know that I need you to be around for a very long time. I won't trust Cody with my girls if something happens to me and Derek."

"Jess…Kel is here. I'll call you later."

"As soon as you take him in." Jess hung up and lay back down, snuggling into her husband's arms. Sleep wouldn't come till Matt called back. Twenty minutes later he did.

"He had a gun under his seat." Matt already knew that Jess had known about it before he had. "Tell me what you saw."

"You on the ground bleeding and the car speeding away and Cutler finding you at daybreak."

"He robbed a liquor store in Carson City yesterday. The money was still in the car along with some other stuff. Go back to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

"It is morning." Jess hung up before any more emotion could show. Matt wasn't one for I love you's and all that but he was getting there. Snuggling back up to Derek she hoped the rest of her night was spent peacefully sleeping.

* * *

Matt watched his sister as she stood in front of the board in the interrogation room. She looked better today. The tense angry look she had left with yesterday was gone and she almost looked happy. He took a step into the room.

"Anything new?"

"Why do all the men in my life feel they have to stand and watch over me?" She turned and looked at him.

"Because you need watching over sometimes."

"You should talk."

"Thank you for whatever you did last night." She looked at him with her soulful brown eyes.

"It was just a dream."

"A dream that saved my ass, Jess. I know we don't talk about it but one of these days we're going to have to."

"One day we will. I got the boxes from Becket's nursing home."

"You find anything?"

"I was waiting for you." She sat at the table and opened then lid of the first box. It contained letters and other paper odds and ends. Matt and Jess looked though the papers quietly. There was nothing more than old love letters and bills that hadn't been paid by the man's insurance or his estate.

"You need to talk to dad Jess." Matt looked at his sister sitting across from him.

"Dad is the least of my worries right now Matt."

"Just get it out in the open and get it over with. He just wants you safe. I told him so did I and that I would pull the plug on this if I thought you or anyone else was in danger."

"I'll deal with dad when the time comes." Jess stood and opened the second box. "Lou from the county garage is coming on Monday to help me change the oil on the Hummer and the Avalanche. He said he'd help out when I'm too big to slide under the trucks and bend over the bikes. He'll come again in April to tune the four wheelers and the dirt bikes."

"How much is that costing us?" Jess looked at her brother.

"Does it matter?" Matt knew from the tone of her voice she was itching for a fight.

"You know I didn't mean that the way it sounded Jess." She smiled then.

"I know. I'm paying him five hundred cash out of my own money. He's the only other person I trust with the vehicles because if I let Cutler or Cody touch them they will self destruct."

"You don't have to pay him Jess. I can cover a replacement mechanic."

"He likes being paid by someone who appreciates his talents." Jess pulled the cover off the next box. "He thinks you don't like him."

"I like Lou just fine Jess I just don't like his drinking habits."

"He makes moon shine Matt. He doesn't drink it…much." She smiled.

"He comes in once smelling like his still Jess and I will write him up."

"I know. I will tell him." She held a paper out to him. "I think we have something." It was a letter to Becket from Perry.

"No date on it. It could have been written any time before he disappeared."

"He talks about a baby coming soon. No one mentioned him having a child." Jess scanned the paper and looked at Matt. "This was written recently. It mentions the weather this fall and how cold it got so fast up in the mountains."

"Jess that could be any winter up here."

"Not to mention the bodies found on the mountain in the spring." She handed the letter to her brother.

"If Perry isn't dead then why did he and Kelsey just disappear that day?"

"Maybe Perry killed Kelsey and he's on the run."

"Now there's something that sounds almost like it could be what happened." Jess grinned.

"Did that occur to you ten years ago?"

"Yeah. I flagged everything back then. His bank accounts and credit cards didn't show anything after the day they started camping."

"Anything that was charged look like he was running or going into hiding?"

"Just some rope and groceries at the convenience store outside of Tahoe."

"Somebody might have funded his get- a-way."

"Do you think Kelsey's grieving soon to be step father would cover something like that?" He knew her answer. She also knew that the man she met yesterday wasn't a killer. From what Derek and JT got from his ex employees, he was a womanizer and an ass but nothing screamed murderer. Jess looked at the letter.

"I think there is something we missed. Something with Kelsey maybe. Maddox said she was a smart girl but his employees told JT and Derek that her mother was holding her back. If she wanted to be with Perry and her mom was telling her that she could do better..." Matt saw where she was going in her head.

"So Perry and Kelsey just hit the road, leaving everything behind."

"Sounds like it might be where this is headed Matt. This letter isn't dated but it was before Christmas because it mentions the season approaching and how he misses mom most this time of year."

"So as of Christmas Perry was somewhere close to here. There is no sight of any envelopes so I'm guessing the old man got rid of anything that might have led anyone to Perry."

"The letter doesn't mention any names and he doesn't even mention 'dad' in any context."

"After all these years he was still afraid of getting caught. Jess we…I might of missed something with this." Matt looked down at the paper. Jess reached out and rubbed his arm.

"Matt come on. There is no way you could put this together with what you had back then."

"I should off been able to." Jess shook her head.

"No. I read though everything Matt. Kelsey's mom was pegged as the loving caring parent and the step father to be was an ass. All of it pointed to him. E-mails weren't as easy to trace or reroute like they are today. You did everything you could including combing that forest for their bodies. Matt do not let yourself feel guilty about this."

"So you think they ran away?"

"I think they aren't dead. Did they run off together? Maybe. There is no woman's name mentioned in this letter. He could be with anyone now and maybe Kelsey is dead."

"I want you to make a visit to Maddox again. If anyone can get him to talk and read him it's you and Derek." Jess grabbed her coat. "Don't do anything stupid Jess." Laughing she left her brother alone in the interrogation room.

* * *

Sterling Maddox sat behind his desk. Jess knew that the man hated her for being there yet again. The fact that she was Jesse Hawkes daughter didn't help matters any either.

"My secretary said you needed to ask me some more questions."

"You did it to save her didn't you?"

"What are you talking about Ranger Hawkes?"

"Was Lacie holding her daughter from a life she wanted?" The man looked at her with cold grey eyes.

"Do you really want to open this can of worms after all these years?"

"I want my brother to know he didn't make a mistake all those years ago by going against my father and jacking your ass. You had something to do with those kids disappearing, didn't you?"

"Have you ever been to the rodeo in Carson City?" She nodded. "Do you know what goes on there Ranger Hawkes…I mean other then the everyday rodeo stuff?" She shook her head. "It's a mobster's paradise. The west coast mob bosses meet once every few years. That year the east decided to make an appearance. All was going well until the big finally of the rodeo. Somebody said the wrong thing and all hell broke loose."

"Are you telling me there was a huge mob war ten years ago at the rodeo and the Rangers never knew it ever happened?"

"Not even I would have known it happened but Perry and Kelsey ran into some men hiding the bodies in Desolation."

"They witnessed a hit?"

"Give the girl a shining star. They stayed hidden and called me. I told them to keep to their plan and go camping. I got them out a few hours later and relocated them to someplace safe. The way Lacie was treating Kelsey made it easy for her to cut her ties and run. Perry was a little harder. He didn't want to leave his dad. I let him send letters after a while." Sterling turned and looked out the window at the lake. "I know I should have told Matt and the Rangers to stop looking for them but it would have been risking their lives."

"My brother has lived ten years with this over his head. It was the one that he couldn't put behind him." Jess saw the look in Sterling's face when he turned around. It was a look of understanding. He had those kinds of cases.

"Just know they are alive and safe. Tell Matt that there is more to this then he or your father ever wants to know. I wish I could tell you more but the more if I do it puts you in danger as well as your team."

"You're not going to tell me what's going on are you?"

"Like I said Jess, you're all better off not knowing." Jess stood up. After so many years wondering about Kitrick and what he had planned for her Jess really did know about living with fear. This man cared for his step daughter and got her someplace safe. That's all she really needed to know. Leaving Maddox's office and heading to the elevator with Derek by her side she wondered if this was truly over or just a pause till the other shoe dropped.

"Let it go baby." Derek said from behind her as they waited for the elevator.

"I will. I just need to know that Matt is okay with this."

"We saw that man's eyes when he told us what happened. We both know he wasn't lying."

"Let's hope that's good enough for Matt." Jess knew it would. This case was over. For now and Jess hoped now they could get on with their lives and the wedding they had waited so long to attuned.


	11. Chapter 11

Lost

Chapter Eleven

Matt watched his niece throwing rose petals down the aisle followed by her mother and her aunt. The three were beautiful on any given day but today they were stunning. His breath caught when Robin emerged on his father's arm. Over the years Robin had become a part of the Hawkes family and when she had asked Jesse to walk her down the aisle Matt thought he saw a tear in his father's eye.

"You better not mess this up or the old man will have your head." Cody leaned in and whispered in his brother ear.

"He won't be the only one." Matt knew he had loved Robin for most of the last twenty years but his life had never been one of man destine for any more of a family then his parents and siblings. Jess getting married had showed him that they really didn't need to be alone on their mountain. Today was a day he had dreamed of for himself but never dared believe. Robin stood next to him at the altar and he turned to her. She was just as beautiful as the day she walked into the station looking for a job.

"Do you Matt take Robin to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?" Father Jonah smiled at Matt.

"I do." The next half hour went by in a blur. Before he knew it he was sitting at the head table with Dylan in his arms. Jess rocked Colton and Cody held his daughter on his lap. Dinner was a half hour away but no one was in a hurry to eat.

"You three look happy." Their aunt Rita came up to the table.

"Thanks Rita." Jess smiled at her mother's oldest sister.

"The babies look like you did Cody when you were a boy." Cody smiled.

"I was one cute little kid wasn't I?" Matt laughed.

"Way to go Aunt Rita. You made the kids head bigger then it was." Derek came from out of the crowd milling around and Ava jumped off her dad's lap into her uncle's arms.

"I guess I know where I rate." Cody stood up. "I need a drink. Aunt Rita can I buy you a beer?"

"You know you can dear boy." Jess smiled and Matt watched his brother escort their aunt to the bar.

"Do you think that she remembers he wrecked her car when he was fifteen?"

"He didn't. I did. Cody took the fall for that one for me." Matt looked at his sister. "It was the summer my birth parents died. It was my rebellious moment."

"You never said anything."

"I couldn't. He made me promise. And for the record it wasn't wrecked. It was just bent a little." Matt laughed.

"Thanks for closing up that case for me."

"Not much closure but it's better than nothing." Jess shifted the child in her arms showing off her baby bump in her peach colored gown. Matt looked at his baby sister. She was going to be a good mother.

"I take advantage of you." Jess smiled.

"I let you."

"What are you going to do after the girls are born?"

"Matt I have five months to think about that."

"They're braking ground on the house next week I thought you might have had some sort of a plan." Jess looked at her brother.

"You're going to miss me when I move." Matt laughed.

"I get my house back."

"You can have your house back now if you like. I'm sure I can find someplace to hold up for six months."

"Jess you know you're living in that house till yours is done. I'm just making conversation. I know Frank wants to make sure you're up to coming back before he retires."

"I can't see that lasting too long. I know that man too well. He will be board inside a week." Laughing, Matt looked across the room at Robin. She was talking to his grandmother.

"I can't remember a day he called in sick."

"December fourteenth, nineteen ninety."

"How in the world do you know that?"

"I was just filing his retirement paperwork last night."

"Do you ever sleep?" Jess looked Robin too.

"I have a hot husband and a slave driver boss. What do you think?"

"I think you're over sharing." Jess smiled.

"You did good Matt."

"Yeah, it took me twenty years but I think it was worth the wait."

"Let's not wait quite so long to start a family¸ okay."

"We all can't get a jump on things like you did little sister." Jess punched her brother softly so she didn't wake the baby in his arms. Their parents came up to the table just then.

"Jess, stop picking on your brother." Jesse scolded.

"ME! Why do you assume it's always me daddy." Matt looked at her.

"Because it mostly is all you." Matt grinned.

"See, I'm not the only one who thinks that." Jess grinned and handed Colton off to her mother.

"You have to put that baby down sometime Matthew. I'm going to the ladies room and find my husband. He still treats me better then the bunch of you." Matt laughed and watched his sister walk through the crowd.

"I like what she's become lately." Jesse looked at his son.

"She has come a long way since that reckless little girl who came to live with us twenty years ago."

"She's still a little reckless but we wouldn't want her any other way." Matt got up. "I see my bride has a free moment. If you'll excuse me." He handed Dylan to his dad. "You might want to find Sarah. He needs a change.' Jesse looked at the boy in his arms. Cody had done well and now Jess and Matt were on their way to being just as happy as he and Jackie had been the last twenty years.

* * *

Jess lay down next to her husband on the couch in front of the fire. The last few weeks had been hard on them all. Derek ran his hand down his wife's arm.

"You okay baby?"

"Yeah. I was just thinking how happy everyone was today. Even Cutler."

"I heard Randa's moving into the apartment above the diner."

"I think she feels at home here. Cornel McCullen filed her discharge papers. They should be here the end of next week. I don't know what she wants to do but she seems happy here."

"Are you okay with that?" Derek looked at his wife.

"I'm really okay with that Derek. Jimmy needs to be happy and I can't think of any one more right for him then Randa."

"They are happy together. I never paid much attention till today." Derek stroked his wife's stomach slowly. The girls kicking at his hand gently. "They seem happy too." Jess smiled.

"They were all fluttery when Matt and Robin said their vows."

"If they only know how long it took the two of them together they would be dancing a jig."

"Well your mother is half Irish." Derek pulled his wife close.

"I love you Jess. Things are going get hectic around here with spring coming and I may forget to say it now and then." Jess looked at the man who had come into her life at a time when she wanted to give up on the human race all together.

"I love you too Derek." She leaned into kiss him just as the phone rang. Jess glanced up and looked at the clock. "It's past ten. This can't be good." She reached over her husband and grabbed the phone. "Hawkes."

"Jess, tell Derek to suit up. We have semi verses train on the highway." Cutler's voice was tense.

"We'll be there in five minutes."

"Jess stay. The weather is getting crappy and I need Morgan's mind on the job." Derek had already gotten up to get dressed.

"Are you ordering me not to come in?" Her voice was cold.

"Play it however you want Jess I just don't need you here." It had been a long time since Cutler used that tone of voice with her. She hung up the phone. Derek was coming out of the bedroom.

"What's going on?"

"Truck verses train on the highway." Jess snuggled deep into the blanket.

"You coming?"

"No. Cutler made it clear that he's fully staffed." Derek looked at his wife. Anger was boiling up insider her.

"Keep a light on for me?" He leaned over and kissed her knowing full well her anger would overwhelm her and she would end up in the office.

"I love you." She watched him leave and hoped they all came back safe. Even Cutler.

* * *

Derek got into the vehicle when Cutler pulled up to Matt's house and they started toward the highway. The silence was nearly defining. Cutler looked at his partner for the night.

"Are you going to say something?"

"About what?"

"About me telling Jess to stay home."

"It's late and I figured you had it covered."

"See, you get it. Izzy glared at me. Trainer shook his head." Derek watched the road in front of them.

"You're in charge."

"Exactly." Cutler knew he was right making the woman stay home. She was nearly five months pregnant and it was late and cold. "It's my first major rescue without Matt here and I don't want you and everyone else worrying about Jess."

"Your right. It was a good idea to make sure she would stay home."

"She'll get over hating me."

"You hope." Derek looked at Cutler.

"She can't stay mad at me forever."

"You do know who you're talking about, right?"

"I just didn't need you and everyone else worrying about her."

"Jess can take care of herself Cutler. I know what you were trying to do and I thank you for that."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I just need your focus on this. I know Jess thinks that we can't run the station without her and most of the time we can't but tonight I need everyone to bring their A game."

"Understood. I know how Jess can be Cutler. You don't have to make any excuses on my account."

"Thank you." Cutler knew that his fight wouldn't be with Derek. It would be with Jess in the morning.

* * *

The look on the team's faces when they entered the station eight hours later was one that Jess would never forget. Izzy had made a couple of pots of coffee before he left and she was glad because not one of the six men and women that walked through the door looked like they could think of making one.

"I'm going to sleep for a week." Hailee Jamison came in looking like death warmed over followed by Tonya Jacobs and Benji. "Jess the guys are cleaning up the equipment. Benji drew the long straw and got to warm up with us girls." Jess smiled. "_Is there anything for breakfast?"_

"Cereal…toast. Same old. Izzy had to go bring the girls to school because Claire got called into work." She wished she was a better cook when Cutler, Trainer and Derek came in the back door a few minutes later. "Izzy made coffee." Derek grabbed one of the cups from off the counter and leaned over to kiss his wife.

"Morning." She touched his cheek.

"Cody had to stop by dads but he'll be here in a little bit." The rest of the team sat down and Jess got the pot of coffee and started pouring. JT was on his way in and she hoped they didn't get another call for a while. Not that they couldn't hand it but she didn't want to have to try. "Hard night?" She looked at Cutler.

"Sixteen overturned cars. Enough cattle to start a good sized ranch." She could see the stress on his face. When Randa came down she saw the look on change. She knew right then that she was the one for him. Jess put down the pot and excused herself. In Matt's office is where Derek found her a half hour later.

"You okay?" She turned from the file she was filing.

"I'm fine. How about you?"

"I've had better days."

"Go home and get some sleep."

"I'm going to stay here in case you need me." Jess smiled.

"You think I might need you?" Derek looked at his wife.

"I would like to think you need me every minute of the rest of your life."

"A little full of your self aren't we Ranger Morgan." Leaning back he smiled.

"You have an addiction Ranger Hawkes. There's no denying that." Jess smiled again.

"How bad was it out there last night?"

"It was cold and icy. Cutler stepped up like you knew he could. Thank you for not fighting him about staying home."

"The tone in his voice told me that he didn't need any more stress. I never heard him give an order to anyone let alone me."

"It was a long day. I'm going to hit the shower and find a bunk. Don't be afraid to wake me." Standing he leaned over and gave his wife a kiss and headed upstairs. Jess was just finishing filing her papers when Cody came in from the kitchen.

"Franks running into town for feed supplies. Do you need anything?"

"Yeah, have him pick up my order from the auto supply store and a couple of peach pies from mom."

"Peach. Cutler must have been a really good boy last night."

"If he files his own paperwork in a timely manner I may just give him two slices."

"The news said it was quite a mess."

"By the looks of the team when they got back I'd say that's an understatement. How are Sarah and the kids?"

"Good. Long night last night with the wedding and all. They all slept in and Mom was going over there later to help."

"Gotta love a Sunday on the mountain." Jess turned and looked out the big picture window. "If you couldn't be here, where would you be?"

"You know my next choice."

"Still the Rockies?"

"Yeah. It's the second most beautiful place in all the world."

"You haven't been everywhere. The only other place you've been to is that God forsaken desert."

"More the reason to stick with what I know. Now get to work before I call the boss and tattle on you." Jess laughed.

"I thought you were the boss."

"Exactly now get to work." Jess laughed and got back to her filing.

* * *

Matt watched the sun rise from the balcony of the hotel room that he and Robin rented for the rest of the week. He knew he shouldn't stay away from work that long but he didn't want to go back to soon either. Robin was still in bed. e tHe turned and looked at her. She was so beautiful. He was truly blessed. Taking his phone off the table he dialed the station. Jess picked up in two rings.

"Matthew Robert Hawkes you are not calling into work on your honeymoon."

"You did." He laughed.

"I was two thousand miles away. Your barley two hundred."

"Just making sure the place is still standing."

"Do you really want to know?"

"Lie to me little sister."

"Everything is great. Cutler did an awesome job with a train verses semi last night and I didn't kill him when he told me to stay home."

"Really…you didn't kill him when he told you to sit out? I'm impressed Jess."

"I thought you would be. Now go back to your new wife and don't worry about anything here. We can handle it."

"I know you can. Talk to you soon. I love you."

"Love you too." Jess hung up the phone as Cuter came into the office looking a little better than he had an hour ago."

"I'm going upstairs to get some sleep. You know where to find me if you need me." Jess wanted to be mad at him but she couldn't. Not with the innocent tired look on his face.

"Sweet dreams."

"I know you're mad. Just wait till I've had a few hours of sleep before you tear me a new one, okay."

"I know right now I'm a liability. You don't have to remind me of that." She looked at him. "I won't fight staying behind this desk for now but in six months, mother or not no one is going to make me feel guilty for doing my job the way I always have Jimmy." Cutler knew she would.

"Glad to here that because I have never had to pick up your slack before and I won't start now." He turned to leave the office but turned back at the door. "And thanks for the pat on the back with the boss. Even my big ass ego needs stroking now and then." He turned back and headed upstairs.

* * *

Cody looked at the overnight weather reports. They weren't looking too good at this point and the chance of it getting any better was promising either. Jess put a cup of coffee in front of him.

"I'm going out to the barn to feed the horses dinner. You want anything before I go out?"

"A few hours of decent weather would be nice."

"I'll get right on that." She watched her brother for a minute.

"What?" He looked up catching Jess staring at him.

"Just thinking about when we were kids and all you wanted it to do was snow. You would go for weeks without fresh powder and your skin would crawl."

"Things change when you go from playing in it to pulling people out of it."

"I know but you can still play when you're an adult can't you. With kids and a mortgage there's still time to ski, right?" He looked at her.

"When was the last time you saw me put on my ski's for fun? Jess you'll find that your definition of fun changes. I have fun bringing Ava sledding and teaching her how to swim at the Y. I have fun laying the boys on the floor and watching them try to roll over. It's still fun Jess. Just not the heart pumping adrenalin rush you and I have grown used to."

"I hope your wrong. I need that rush. Dinner is going to be ready in fifteen minutes. Sarah called and said she'd bring Ava and the boys to eat here."

"Mom cooking?"

"No. Randa is. And whatever it is its smelling really good."

"Wow, I hope she decides to stick around."

"Me too." Jess turned off the computer in front of her. "For all our sakes."

ohHH


	12. Chapter 12

Lost

Chapter Twelve

February turned to March and March into to April. The snow started melting faster than it had in years. The number of rock and mud slides kept the Rangers busy for days at a time. Randa officially became part of the team and her relationship with Cutler seemed to be on the right track. Jess worried about who might come looking for her if she ever recalled those six weeks still missing from her mind but things were about to get rough again and the High Mountain Drama would find the friends and family struggling once again to find the balance they so desperately needed.

"Jess, get me those files on the ground water near Angel's Creek." Matt looked at his sister.

"Please?" Matt knew he was being short with her but damn he had things to do.

"Can't you just do what I ask you to do once in awhile without making a big deal about it?" Jess went to the file cabinet and took out the files. She handed them to him and back to her desk and the report she was filing. Matt clenched his teeth. He was taking things out on Jess that he knew didn't have anything o do with her. "I'm sorry." She turned and looked at him.

"You need a break."

"Coming from the pregnant woman who hasn't taken a day off in three weeks."

"You know the three of us thrive on work. Really Matt, Cutler and Cody can handle things around here for a week end. I promise I won't let them break or blow up anything. Go up to the cabin or stay at the lodge. Just get the hell out of my hair for awhile." Matt laughed.

"I'll take you up on the offer to use the lodge. But I want you to behave. Just because I'm gone doesn't give you the right to be bad." Jess held up her right hand.

"I have so much to do before next week I swear I will stay in and file or be out in the garage making the bikes ready for spring."

"Deal. Now please round up the troops for a staff meeting."

"You got it." Jess paged the Rangers and hoped a little rest would do Matt some good.

"You got him to take the weekend off?" Cody sat on the corner of Jess's desk.

"He hasn't had a day off since he came back from his honeymoon."

"Neither have you."

"Someone had to have his back. " Jess handed Cody some weather reports. "I don't have any plans till July so what the heck."

"Are you saying I don't have big brother's back?" Jess looked at him and smiled.

"No, I'm saying you have responsibilities that give you a reason to be home more than me. Come July I will be the one needing time."

"What about that husband of yours. Doesn't he need taking care of?"

"Have you heard him complain?" Cody laughed and took his files.

"Over sharing baby sister. I have some work to do. Call me if you need me." Jess watched her brother leave and smiled. He was doing everything right in his life and she hoped she could follow his lead.

Derek stood at the bottom of the cliff waiting for Cutler to make the last hundred feet down the rope. It had been a really long day and all he wanted to do was take a shower and crawl into bed. Dinner didn't even appeal to him after the long day he had.

"Something bothering you Morgan?" Derek looked at his partner.

"Just a really long day."

"Yeah, I hate when it starts before sunrise and ends after sunset." Cutler wound the rope he had just climbed down around his arm. "Something else bothering you?"

"Nothing a few hours of sleep won't cure." Morgan took the rope from Cutler and packed in the back pack. "How's the dog working out for you?"

"She's good. I think by summer she should be acclimated to the terrain if Randa doesn't spoil her to death." Derek laughed.

"Jess was a little sad that she couldn't take the other one."

"They'll be one waiting for her when she comes back to work after the girls are born. The breeder had a few potential moms' that will have pups before fall."

"I think she'll have her hands full after the girls are born."

"Yeah but she still needs her job."

"Job or no job her priorities are going to change Cutler." He knew he shouldn't cross this line with his ex-girlfriends husband and if he was a smarter than he was he would have just let it go.

"You know we're talking about Jess here right. She will want to go back to work right away." Derek threw the bags into the truck.

"She'll take as much time as she needs to before coming back to work."

"If you fight her on this you know you will lose?" Derek turned to the older man.

"You want to cross that line now Cutler." The anger boiled between the two men. "I have no intention of holding Jess back from whatever she wants to do. If she wants to take six weeks or sixty, it will be her choice."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't saying that you wouldn't let her come back to work." The anger ebbed.

"I didn't mean to snap at you. I know Jess will do what Jess wants to do but I just don't want her to regret missing things with the girls. I know it killed my mom when she missed the little things because she had to go back to work."

"She doesn't have to go back to work."

"You tell her that and see if you're still breathing." They got into the truck and Cutler started it up.

"She'll make the right choice when the time comes Derek. Maybe there is a happy medium for her."

"I hope so." They drove the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. When they got back to the station the helicopters were gone. "Did we miss a call?" They went inside and Cody was sitting at Jess's desk.

"The radio was quiet, where is everyone?" Cutler asked. Cody looked up.

"There was a huge pile up on Donner Pass. They needed medic evac. I sent Jess, Frank, JT, and Trainer." Derek looked at his brother in law.

"You let Jess fly?" Cody stood up.

"She's cleared for another three weeks. I sent her with JT so if she feels she can't handle it he can fly." Cody knew he should have went and let Jess man the radio but if another call came in she might not be able to handle it. "I'd rather have her fly then have to reroute a call because she can't repel down a cliff of ski down a hill. Sending her on the evac was my best bet." Cutler knew in Derek's worn out state that this might turn ugly.

"How was she feeling when she left?" Derek asked.

"Good. She ate breakfast with Sarah, me and the kids before work and she was a little worried about you and Cutler not making it home before dark but other than that she was fine. Derek, you know I wouldn't let Jess do anything to endanger her or the girls."

"I know. Things have just been a little…tense between us. I want her to slow down and she doesn't think she needs to. I thought that scare a few months ago would have settled her down." Cody looked at the strain in his brother-in-law's eyes.

"Get some rest and we'll talk about this when Jess get's back. I don't need the two of you at odds and me, Cutler and Matt put in the middle of what she can and shouldn't do."

"I don't want that either. Thanks Cody." Derek headed upstairs and Cody sat back down at the front desk. Cutler pulled up a chair and sat across from him.

"How was he up there?" Cody asked.

"Good. He got the job done and didn't complain. Got a little tense on the ride home when Jess came up but other than that it was all good."

"July can't come soon enough for me."

"Let's hope it'll be better and not worse." Cody looked at Cutler.

"What do you mean?"

"He still thinks she might change her mind and stay at home with the girls. You and I know that Jess wouldn't stand for that."

"Maybe she's changed. We won't really know till the babies come and she comes back to work." Cody looked down at the files on his sister's desk. Neatly typed and ready to be filed. He knew she always wanted to be the best at everything she did. Now he hoped her high expectations of herself didn't back fire.

Jess landed on the back pad just before the sun set behind the mountain. JT had stayed at the hospital to fill out some paper work. She was ready for something to eat and her bed, not necessarily in that order. Cody was waiting at the edge of the pad when she was done shutting down.

"How'd it go?"

"You'd think after so many years they'd get more safety rails on that damn highway."

"California is broke…or haven't you heard." Cody grabbed her bag.

"I heard rumors. How did Derek take me being gone?"

"Do you really want to know?" Cody put his arm around his sister as they walked back to the station.

"That bad?"

"Jess it's time we all sat down and went over your restrictions as a family and a team."

"I've given you and Matt my restrictions from my last doctor's appointment."

"I know but I have a feeling your husband and the father of your children would like some say in what you do with your time here Jess."

"My time here?" Jess pulled away from her brother. "I'm not just killing time till I give birth by hanging out here. I have a job. A job I have done for the last ten years and have never failed in anything I set out to do. Just because I'm pregnant Cody doesn't mean I can't do my job. I may not be able to do everything you need me to do but I will do all that I can." Derek stepped out of the door.

"That's all anyone's asking of you Jess. I just need to know you know your limits." Jess looked at her husband.

"Limits are something I never set. I won't start now."

"Now is the time you need to Jess. In three months you're going to be a mother. You're not only going to have to set limits for yourself but for two other human beings."

"So you're going to gang up on me?" The anger boiled inside Jess. "I can't believe you two." She stormed inside. Cutler and Randa were sitting at the kitchen table. Jess grabbed a bottle of water and stormed upstairs.

"That went well." Cutler said as Cody and Derek came in.

"I don't need your crap right now." Cody told Cutler as he headed to the coffee pot.

"I'll give her a few minutes and I'll go up and see if I can salvage this." Derek said as he took off his jacket.

"I didn't mean to do this tonight Derek. I'm sorry."

"Don't sweat it Cody. This was something we should have discussed a long time ago. We skirted around it for so long it was bound to blow up in our faces." Derek looked up the stairs. "Wish me luck." He headed upstairs to have the first big fight of his short married life.

Jess sat on a cot in the bunk room and ran her hand over her belly. Every day the lives growing inside her gave reason to change her life. She knew she had to but it was really hard for her to change her way of thinking now. Most of her life she had been on her own. Then when she came to live with the Hawkes, it was her and Cody. After Cody married to Sarah she was pretty much on her own again.

"I'm sorry Jess." She looked up to see Derek at the door.

"For what? I know I need to set some limits. I'm just not used to having to consult with anyone about my plans or how I do my job."

"That's what families do Jess. They work on things and work them out." Jess knew that he was right. Maybe if she'd shared some of her messed up childhood with her brothers and her parents she might have gotten over things sooner.

"I don't need you, my brothers and my ex figuring out what's best for me. I know my limits Derek and if I can't handle something I will tell them or you or whoever else needs to know. I'm fine. The babies are fine. I need to do my job the best way I know how."

"Pushing yourself till you drop isn't going to do you or the babies any good sweetheart." Derek knew that he was fighting a losing battle. It was Jess's way or else.

"I wouldn't do anything to hurt our babies. You know that, right?" She looked at him and she knew right then that there was just a small part of him that didn't trust she would pull back if she felt overwhelmed. "I think I better leave it at that." She stood up.

"Jess, you know I trust you to do the right thing when it comes to the girls. I just need to know that you'll do the right thing for you." He reached for her hand. "I couldn't live with myself if this pregnancy puts you at risk. I hear what the doctor says about slowing down and your body will tell you if you push too hard but baby I don't know what…if this…" Derek took a deep breath. "If anything should happen because of me…this…"

"You mean if being pregnant is cramping my style?" He pulled away.

"No damn it. Jess I love you so damn much it hurts. I know that night in October when we were starting all this it wasn't what either of us signed on for but I wouldn't change a single moment. I just don't want you to hate me for taking your life away from you. I know this job and these people mean the world to you and right now I feel like I've taken it all away from you."

"You didn't take anything away from me Derek. You made a life for me…for us but I wasn't built to just sit around and answer the phone."

"I know. I don't want you to just sit around after the girls are born. I just don't want you to regret anything about your life."

"Like what?"

"Missing out. On life, on the things you wanted to do. I want you to have everything you need and want."

"You're all I need and want right now." Jess said as she took a step closer to him and ran her hand down his cheek. "You and these babies are all that means anything to me right now."

"What about your job?"

"I will do my job to the best of my abilities till I can't anymore and then I'll be there when I'm ready to come back to it."

"Jess I promise that this isn't the end of life as you know it Jess. We will take that bike trip you wanted to take before the women's bodies turned up last year."

"You talked to Matt?"

"I stumbled on your bike in the garage." She stood up and went to the window.

"He was supposed to sell that." Derek came up behind her and rested his hands on her belly and his chin on the top of her head.

"I think he was thinking his baby sister would regret her decision one day and did something about it."

"He thinks he knows me."

"Baby he does. He has been looking after you since you were five. He feels guilty about the years you're spent being ignored by your birth parents and wants to make it up to you by having your back even if you don't think he needs too." She leaned back and let the warmth of her husband's body surround her.

"I need to have his back too Derek."

"You always will. We always will." Derek knew that nothing was more important to Jess then her family. The fact that she was starting her own family might mean letting her brothers and her parents down. He needed to make sure she knew that they were all family now and that they would have each other's backs.


	13. Chapter 13

Thank you all for the wonderful feedback. I will try to fix the way I break up scenes because I use astreks but they disappeared when I loaded the chapter. Wish me luck. Also sorry for the wait I have a new passion and I needed to go with it.

Chapter Thirteen

Jess looked at her husband fussing over something on the stove. It was late May and the blossoms were blooming all over the mountain. She wanted to be outside hiking the trails and rounding up stray campers but she had been stuck behind her desk for the better part of three weeks. The only thing that kept her sane was her friends and family surrounded her daily and kept her mind off the fact that soon she wouldn't only be responsible for herself but two other helpless humans. Tonight JT was bringing Mia and Mackenzie over for dinner. She couldn't wait to catch up with her old friend and finally meet the child that gave JT a new purpose in life.

"Earth to Jess." Derek stood in front of her.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about the orchard and the blossoms. JT should bring Mia and Mackenzie up there." Derek looked at his wife. Something more was going though her mind but lately he wasn't in the mood to push her buttons tonight.

"We could take them. The doctor said the ATV's would be okay for another week or so." She knew that she couldn't risk going up the mountain this late in her pregnancy.

"Maybe next spring." Jess took the plates and started setting the table.

"Are you okay? We can cancel dinner. I'm sure JT and Mia will understand."

"I'm fine." A knock at the door stopped her from saying anything more. Jess went to the door. She was surprised to see Matt instead of JT and his family. "Hi."

"Hey." He looked strange. Almost scared if Jess thought about it long enough but she had never seen her brother scared so she wasn't sure what that would look like.

"You're just in time for dinner. JT and Mia are on their way,"

"I can't stay. I do need to talk to the four of you though so if I can wait around for them so I don't have to repeat myself." Jess opened the door and let her brother in.

"This can't be good." He smiled a small smile.

"I hate to do this tonight Jess." Another knock broke off Jess before she could ask her brother any questions. She opened the door to her friends. Mackenzie was sleeping on her father's shoulder.

"Hey guys." Jess tried to smile. "There's a pack and play in the office if you want to lay her down." JT looked at the strain on his friends face.

"Is this a bad time kid?" Jess opened the door and let her friends in.

"No. It's good." They came in. Jess hugged Mia and chatted with her while JT put the little girl to bed. JT came back into the room and saw Matt.

"Hey boss man." Matt nodded. Jess looked at her brother.

"I'll go get Derek." Jess left the room.

"What's going on?" JT asked Matt.

"Business." Derek and Jess came in to the living room. They sat on the couch with Mia and JT.

"Let's get this over with." Jess held on to her husband's hand.

"The State's Attorney called me today. They have a court date for Kitrick." Matt saw a flash of fear in his sister's eyes then it was gone. "June seventh. All the paperwork leads him to believe they are trying to get him moved to a closer prison. They filed more paper to keep the trial to close circuit television. We all know if Kitrick has a chance to get out from behind those walls he's going to make a break for it."

"My connections in Colorado will make sure the paperwork gets where it should." JT said as he watched Jess tense up then relax. He knew she had one weakness and it was Cole Kitrick. Matt looked drained. Telling his sister the one man that scared the living hell out of her might be getting out was not the highlight of his day. "He's not leaving that super max in anything less than a body bag."

"I for one would like to pull the switch on that SOB." Derek put his arm around his wife. The next few weeks were not going to be easy. With her pregnancy and now the trial the stress Jess would be under would drain her. The look on Matt's face told him his brother in law was sensing the same thing.

"I told the state's attorney to keep us in the loop because I don't want any surprises." Matt stood and went to his sister. He kneeled down in front of her. "I won't let him win this one Jess. I promise." She smiled.

"He'll fight a good fight to have things go his way. But we're stronger. He's one man. We're a well oiled machine. He won't know what hit him." Matt knew that she would be strong for Derek and him. She wouldn't close herself off like she used to.

"We need everything we have on Kitrick in one place. I have Hotch working on getting what the FBI. JT I know you have files on him from your days in the private sector and we have ours. I don't one thing to fall through the cracks." Matt stood up. "We will put him away for a very long time." Zipping up his jacket and headed to the door. "I hope I didn't ruin your dinner."

"Nothing would stop me from eating Derek's cooking, not even Kitrick." JT said. The mood was lightened but the chance that Cole Kitrick could be come home and wrecking havoc on their mountain again would always be on all of their minds.

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o

"There isn't an extra dime in the California budget to ship Kitrick back here for his trial." Cody said as he stormed his brother's office at seven the next morning. "The only way is a closed caption trial."

"Kitrick may have money stashed. What if he says he'll take care of the cost?" Matt looked at his little brother. "Didn't think of that did you?"

"Do you think he'll do that?"

"I don't know. All his assets including what he inherited from his old man are frozen."

"He could have money stashed just about anywhere."

"We know he wanted what was up at Coral Ridge. That was about three million plus another five in meth." Matt turned around in his chair and looked outside. "The DEA is working hard to make it all stick but who knows? But attempted murder of a federal officer is enough to put him away for a very long time."

"Will Jess be up to testifying?" Cody asked.

"Jess will be up to testifying even if her water brakes and she's in hard labor." JT said as he came into the office. "Speaking of, where is the little brat?"

"She had a doctor's appointment at nine. I told her and Derek to come in after they were done. How was dinner last night after I left?" Matt looked at JT. He looked like he hadn't slept at all last night.

"You were a little bit of a buzz kill but nothing can make Derek's scampi taste bad."

"This is true." Matt returned. JT sat next to Cody. "How much sleep did you get last night my friend?"

"Before or after Kenzi threw up?" He threw a file on Matt's desk. "This is everything me and Mia have on Kitrick. Jess is bringing her stuff in and Derek is having Garcia send you what the FBI has."

"Okay." Matt stood. "Let's take this to the conference room and get a solid case going against our man Kitrick." Cody and JT stood and went to help Matt.


	14. Chapter 14

Lost

Chapter Fourteen

Cody ran his hands over his face. He had spent the last three hours going over the papers in front of him. The more he dug the more he hated the man who a few of them had called a friend over the years. He smelled the coffee before he looked up and saw his sister putting the cup in front of him.

"How did the doctor's appointment go?" Jess smiled

"I'm still pregnant. I have to spend at least two hours a day with my feet up and I still haven't gained enough weight for her liking." Cody looked at his sister. She looked tired.

"Jess, why don't you go home and rest. We can gather the stuff on Kitrick."

"I would rather be here, looking like I'm busy then home alone wallowing in my misery." Cody laughed.

"I don't blame you." He smiled. "You can be my coffee go to girl." Jess smiled.

"You really want to go there Cody." She went back to the front desk. A few minutes later JT came into the office.

"Thanks for letting me take a couple of hours. Man you don't realize how tough having a kid is till their sick all night."

"I hear you." Cody threw him a file. "We need to get this guy and let my sister enjoy the last miserable weeks of pregnancy in peace."

"Amen to that." Matt said as he walked into the room. "This what the FBI has and I just sent Hart, Izzy and Morgan on trip to Rubicon to look for some hikers. A family of four out of Los Cruses."

"How old are the kids."

"Four and six."

"Why do people try and take their kids on a trip that most adults can't hack. You need me to fly over and see what I can see?" Cody asked.

"They have GPS so let's hope it's not sitting back at their camp site." Matt sat next to JT. "Okay, what do we have so far?"

"A whole lot of nothing. We have his assets seized, they are monitoring his in going and outgoing communications and his lawyer hasn't contacted him in over a month."

"He can be his own lawyer. The man aced law school." JT looked through the file in front of him. "If the ADA isn't up on this crap Kitrick will eat her up."

"In the old days I would send Cutler in to sweet talk her into cramming but he's no longer my go to guy for charm." Matt said as he shuffled though the papers.

"What about Flynn?" Cody added.

"Flynn could charm the pants off a nun but he's dating the ER nurse he met when he went swimming it the frozen creek in January."

"What about Trainer?" JT added.

"Are we really talking about pimping out one of our own to win a case?" Matt asked.

"I've met the new ADA, I think Jess might be more her style." Cutler added as he stood by the door.

"You would say that. I thought it was your day off?" Matt looked at his friend.

"It is and thank you for that by the way. I just came by to see how your doing."

"Dotting all our I's and crossing all our T's."

"Good. Jess is kinda cranky, you might want to feed her or something." Cutler left and Matt stood.

"Okay boys I'm going to make lunch. Find something that makes it impossible for Cole Kitrick to leave that prison for court or anything else."

0/0/0/0/0/0/0/00/0

Derek stood at the camp site of Katherine and Charles McDonald. He looked at the fire that had gone out hours ago. Something wasn't right but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"The food's missing." Hart came out from behind a tree.

"Anything else?"

"You tell Mr. FBI." Derek looked at him.

"I kids footsteps but no adult ones."

"IF the parents were here after the rain last night there should be tracks."

"Morgan…Hart!" Izzy called from the north. The two men followed the sound of his voice.

"Yeah Izzy." They found him at the base of a trail. He pointed to the cliff. Two bodies lay at the bottom. A man and a woman.

"Do you think they fell?" Morgan asked.

"It looks like it." Izzy answered.

"Both of them?" Morgan wasn't convinced.

"Maybe one of them started to fall and then they just…you know tumbled down." Hart added.

"We need to call Matt and get Trainer out here." Morgan got out radio. "We need to find those kids."

0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0

"Jess call Trainer and get him down here. I need Cody to fly him up to Rubicon. They found the two adults at the bottom of a cliff." Matt came out of his office.

"What about the kids?" Jess asked.

"No sign of them yet."

"Frank's coming home from Sacromento, he'll be here by noon. We can send him up."

"Hopefully we'll have them by then."

"We can only hope." Matt grabbed his jacket,

"I'm taking the Cessna up, call me on my cell if you need me."

"Do you want me to call Cutler in?"

"No, he's been in a mood lately. He needs a day off."

"Okay, I'll hold down the fort."

"Thanks Jess. Call dad if things get too out of hand." Jess shook her head.

"I will never let things get that bad Matthew." He laughed and headed out the door.

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/

Derek wished he could track better. He learned a lot from the Hawks but not enough to find two kids on a mountain side.

"Cody's bringing in Trainer and he's going to see if he can get a track on the kids. The prints stop about a quarter of a mile into the woods." Hart said as he came back up the slope. "They're pretty stiff down there so they might have been gone twelve hours or so."

"So those kids could be anywhere?" Derek looked around.

"Most likely dead. There's a million drop offs along the path to the peak."

"Could they have gone down?"

"It rained last night and there were no fresh tracks headed down but if they went off the path it's anyone's guess." Hart looked up the mountain. "When we start the search I want everyone to have a guide pole. The brush around here has grown over the lips of the drop offs."

"Why are people allowed to hike up here? It sounds like a death wish." Derek answered.

"Most people stick to the trails." They heard the helicopter above the trees. "Cody should be setting down in the clearing. "Let's go find us some lost kids." Hart looked at Derek.

"And hope we're not too late." They both headed to meet Cody.


	15. Chapter 15

Lost

Chapter Fifteen

"Dad, stop fussing. Please." Jess looked at her father in the kitchen, making a sandwich for her.

"You need to go sit down." Jesse Hawkes looked at his only daughter. "Please." She plopped herself down on the chair closest to her.

"You're a bossy old man, you know that?"

"You're just now realizing this?" His blue eyes shining.

"I guess I never really paid attention before." Jess smiled. "Or you never really bossed me around before."

"I do tend to be easy on you Jessie Lynne."

"Not when it counts daddy."

"You look tired. Have your put your feet up at all today?"

"Yes daddy." Jess looked at her father. "They still haven't found those kids. The guys might be spending the night on the mountain."

"You're welcome to stay with me and your mom tonight."

"I may take you up on that." Jesse set a plate in front of his daughter. "There's a storm coming in tomorrow and I hope to hell they find those kids and get home before it rolls in."

"Your brothers and husband will find them."

"I know. I grew up running wild on these mountains and knowing what can happen to two little kids alone just makes it a little nerve racking." Jess ran her hand over her stomach. "You never sheltered us from the real world daddy. Thank you for that."

"Those years I spent at the cabin with Cody, made me realize that the real world will knock you on your ass if you don't know how to live in it." He sat across from his daughter. "I knew that I couldn't shelter him and there was no way I was going to do that to you."

"Thank you." Jess took a bite of her sandwich.

"I'm proud of the woman you've become. And I know that you're going to be a great mother."

"I had the best teachers." Jesse smiled. He knew that Jess was ready now. It had been a long road with a whole lot of bumps but she was finally ready to become the mom he knew she could be.

"You weren't always the easiest child so please understand when your children aren't always the angel's you dreamed they would be."

"You remember I grew up with Cody as my brother."

"Just don't let that cloud your judgment either." He chuckled. "Eat your sandwich, you have a long shift ahead of you." Jess nodded and did as she was told.

0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0

"Why would anyone bring their kids out here? It's an accident waiting to happen." Derek stopped at the ridge and looked down to the valley a hundred feet below.

"It's not the fact they brought the kids, it's the fact they didn't know the mountain." Cody knelt and looked at the broken brush. "My dad taught us everything there was to know about hiking in these mountains from the time we could walk. Ava knows the land around the cabin better than she knows the streets of Tahoe and she's only five." He looked at his brother in law. "It's what you teach them that keeps them safe. Just like in the city."

"So what your telling me is my kids are gonna be running wild in the mountains as soon as they're old enough to walk?"

"If you stay married to my sister, they will." Derek looked at the younger man.

"If I say married to your sister?" Cody stood.

"This mountain is everything to this family Derek, you know that." Taking off his goggles he looked over the rough terrain. "I just want you to know that she'll want to them to have what we had growing up."

"Jackie wasn't always willing to let your dad hall you all up here and run wild."

"My mom had issues but the love of the mountain always won out. This family knew nothing about the drop offs and the terrain before they set out and that's never a good thing."

"I get it." Taking a step back Derek knew his wife loved the mountain with everything she had and she would raise their kids to love it just as much. "I'm starting to get the appeal but when we lose families out here…it gets a little harder to love it."

"Blame ignorance, not the mountain." Cody looked down the narrow trail. "It'll be dark soon. We need to make camp. Call Jess and give her our coordinates."

"You got it." Derek radioed in to the base and they spent the next hour setting up camp.

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/

"If they don't find them tonight, it's going to be a recover, not a rescue." Cutler looked at the map on the wall. "They have another hundred miles to cover." Jess shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

"You know they won't come back until those kids are off the mountain."

"Hawkes motto…never give up, never come down empty handed." He looked at his friend. "Something wrong?"

"The girls are getting a little rambunctious."

"You want me to call your dad?" He went to her.

"Jimmy, I'm fine." Jess looked at her friend. "Really. Matt will be coming home tonight and I'm going to my mom and dad's." Flinching, she stood.

"That is not a fine face Jess." Cutler stood next to her. "Let me call your dad."

"Just let it go Jimmy." Jess ground out. He knew that something was really wrong if she was snapping.

"Jess…" Matt walked in just then. "Talk some sense into her." Cutler stormed out of the room.

"What the hell has gotten into him?"

"The girls started kicking and he got a little para…" Jess reached out. Matt caught her.

"Fighting for space again?"

"Something like that. I think I may need to take the rest of the day off."

"You my dear sister are going to the hospital." Jess shook her head.

"Derek and Cody are dug in for the night Matt, they can't make it down here and those kids need them up on that mountain."

"Jess, please." Blue eyes met brown. "Just a precaution, please." She looked at her brother.

"Call dad and mom…I don't need them coming down on me like the last time." Matt smiled.

"I'll call them on the way." He grabbed their coats and headed out the door.

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o

"Bed rest!" Jess looked at Shep. "You're not my doctor. You can't order anything."

"I am the doctor on call Jessie Lynne. I can order you." The older man leaned against the cabinet in the exam room. "I can call your doctor but she's in Mexico at the moment." He flipped closed her chart. "She would tell you the same thing."

"I want a second opinion."

"Well your old man and brother are right outside…I really don't need another MD with that kind of backing."

"You can't pull that card Sheppard."

"I can, I will and I did." The doctor stood.

"I hate you."

"I know. We're keeping you overnight just as a precaution but you'll be able to go home in the morning."

"You're not keeping me."

"Yeah, well I know for a fact your husband is up the mountain and you can't stay at your parents house because of the stairs."

"I can sleep on their couch."

"Your sleeping in my hospital." Shep looked at the younger woman. "Jess, you need to slow down."

"I just had a doctor's appointment this morning. How did my doctor get to Mexico in the last six hours?"

"She needed a vacation after your appointment." He looked her in the eye. "Please Jess."

"Okay, since you put it that way." Jess crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'll get you a bed and send your dad and brother in."

"Thank you Shep." She smiled. Jess knew that her friend was doing what he thought was best for her.

0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/

"Jess is fine but they admitted her into the hospital." Cody looked at his brother in law.

"Can Matt come and get me?"

"Not till day break. She'll call you when she gets settled." The younger man stood. "Jess won't take any chances Derek."

"She's been taking chances since the day she was born Cody." He stood and looked at the stars.

"I can get you down the mountain."

"I can wait till morning. Can you?" Derek turned and looked at the younger man. He knew Cody had been restless and moody lately and this wasn't going to help matters any.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Kids missing on the mountain always rubbed him the wrong way. "She would want us to find those kids. Alive or dead."

"Then we find them and go home." Derek said matter a factly and headed to his tent.

0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0

"I'm fine Derek."

"I know. I just wanted to hear it from Shep." Jess laughed.

"He likes you." She sounded tired. "I'm sorry I didn't take it as easy as I should have."

"It's not your fault baby girl. Those babies of ours are running out of room."

"Shep says they're both almost four pounds. At the rate they're going they'll be eight pounds a piece by the time they're born."

"I don't think they'll get that big but I promise if they do to order you the extra large epidural."

"You are my hero Derek Morgan." She said, sounding sleepier than ever.

"Don't you forget that Jess. I love you."

"I love you more."

"You always have to one up me. Now get some rest and I'll see you in the morning."

"Not till you bring those kids down. Please."

"You got it. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Derek hung up and slid his phone into his pocket.

"She sounded good." Cody handed him a cup of hot chocolate.

"Yeah. No worries." He looked into his cup.

"But you are."

"I could hear it in her voice. She's scared."

"Parenthood isn't easy and she got screwed the first few years of her life with the ones she got."

"I think she's ready for those girls to get here."

"I think we all are." Cody knew the next two months would be hard on his sister if she had to lay around. It would be even harder on them. "God help us make it to July."

"Amen." Derek smiled. It was going to be a long two months.

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/

A/N: THanks for all who are still reading this and Im sorry I'm slacking. I will try to balance my time.


	16. Chapter 16

Lost

Chapter Sixteen

"Cody?" Derek stood on the ridge looking down into the valley that was just starting to show signs of spring.

"Yeah."

"Check your three o'clock." The younger man turned to his right. "It that what I think it is."

"Let's hope so man, cause if they shed their jackets, there's no hope." He grabbed a rope from his bag and tied it to the nearest tree. Derek double checked it and threw Cody the harness. "Call it in and have Frank meet us a Tunny's Creek."

"Maybe we'll get home before sunset." Derek looked at the spot he'd seen the red nylon. It was still there. "And pray we bring those kids down with us." Derek called in their position. Cody was half way down the ridge before he was finished talking to the station. "You know how your brother and sister feel about cowboying."

"Yeah, I also know they would do the same thing to get the job done so cut me some slack." He smiled up at him. "You know I'm the second best repeller we got. You had to go and knock up the best one."

"Sorry that my need to fornicate with your sister messed with rescue procedures." Derek chuckled.

"Over sharing Morgan…way over sharing." Cody got to the bottom and unhooked his belt. "They're both here." He shook the little boy and he woke up…his sister curled in his arms followed. "It's okay…we're here to help." The frightened look on the young children's faces nearly broke Cody's heart. The kids were always the hard ones. His mind drifted back to finding Ava on this same mountain, her father carrying her up here to hide her from Sarah.

"You okay?" Derek was next to him. The kids had wrapped themselves around Cody's legs.

"Yeah…let's get these kids some place warm."

"Frank's on his way." Cody nodded and handed the little girl to Derek and he picked up the boy and they headed down the trail.

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o

"How's baby sister doing?" JT sat at the front desk when Matt came in.

"Remember the weekend she dislocated her shoulder?"

"I remember the phone call I got from the hospital. She used words I only heard come from my daddy's mouth after a three day bended."

"Well that was Sunday in church compared to the mood she's in now. Shep won't sign her out till Cody and Derek are off the mountain."

"Does Shep know she can mess with his life in ways that he would never dream of?" JT threw a file at Matt.

"Apparently not. What's this?"

"Purchase orders."

"That's a big help."

"August through September of two thousand. Kitrick bought three boxes of rat poison with cyanide."

"The same brand found in Jess's coffee back then?"

"Oh yeah. He claims he had a mouse problem on his farm in Virginia. I talk to some neighbors and they said that fall there was some flooding from the rains but the field mice stayed away from their barns."

"They remember this why?"

"Torrential rains for days and days that year. The mice we drowning in the wheat fields, no need to poison them."

"You are the Man JT." Matt shook his head. "I gotta get back to the hospital. Jess will kill Cutler and Blake if I don't go relieve them." JT laughed.

"You'd think Cutler would know better than to take Jess duty after twenty four hours of bed rest."

"I gave him an order."

"Ohhh playing the boss card." JT shook his head. "Do you want me to go? Your wife is coming in from a call and I know the two of you haven't seen much of each other in the last few days."

"As much as I would love to spend some time with her, there is only two other people who deserve Jess's wrath more that Cutler and you're not one of them. "

"Thanks, I think." JT leaned back on his chair. "Do you think she'll be the same after the girls are born?"

"You mean is she going to be mean, vindictive and hot headed?"

"I was gonna say strong minded, opinionated and hard to live with but if those are your words." Matt headed out the door and hoped Cutler and Randa were still in one piece.

0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/

"Sooner or later they will give me my gun back Cutler." Jess looked at her friend standing across the room.

"You've had plenty of reason and opportunity to shoot me over the years for worse things than keeping you from leaving a hospital bed and you haven't done it."

"I should have."

"Well you didn't then and you won't now. You wouldn't know what to do without me." He looked at his friend. "Derek and Cody found the kids."

"Are they okay?"

"Good as they can after spending nearly two days alone on the mountain." Jess nodded.

"Good."

"They don't have relatives. No one." Cutler sat on the chair next to Jess's bed. "No grandparents or aunts and uncles to take those kids in."

"I'm sure they must have someone they wanted to take the kids if something like this happened."

"Maybe in their wills or something but...I never thought about not ever having anyone there for my family if I couldn't be. I mean, I know I don't have kids but not having someone to call to say I was gone, that's gotta suck."

"Yeah, I used to have dreams about that when I was little and was at boarding school. Wondering if the McCormicks didn't pick me up, what would happen to me. I was like seven or eight when Cody told me that Jesse and Jackie would come pick me up if they didn't."

"They were there for you when you needed them the most."

"Who do these kids have?" Jess looked at her friend.

"If anyone can find kin it's Cody." Cutler stood. He was on edge.

"What's wrong Jimmy?" He turned and looked at the one person who knew him better than he knew himself.

"I'm afraid if Randa remembers those six weeks she's missing she might leave."

"She's not going anywhere Jimmy. I see how much she loves you. Don't ever question that."

"Why…why would someone like her love someone like me?"

"What's not to love?" Jess reached out and touched his arm. "You are one of the best men I know Jimmy. You have your moments but all men do." She smiled. "NO matter what happened in those six weeks, it's not gonna change how she feels about you."

"You didn't think I was good enough for you." He looked at her.

"I was never good enough for you James Cutler. We were and are too much alike." She smiled. Matt came into the room.

"It's good to see she's still in bed."

"I can follow orders now and then." She smiled.

"Yeah, now and then comes around every few years." Cutler answered. "I'm out of here. Randa went down to get some coffee, I'll catch her before she comes in. See you later beautiful." He leaned over and kissed Jess's forehead. "Be good." He left and Matt sat next to her.

"Cody and Derek are on their way in."

"Cutler told me."

"Shep wants you on bed rest for at least a week."

"I know." She looked at her older brother. "Kirick needs to be put away for a long time and I have all the faith in the world you and the others can find the rope to hang him but I want to help."

"I'll make sure you get a crap load of files." He looked at his sister. She looked more rested than she had in weeks.

"I'll do what I can." She ran her hand down her expanding stomach. "They don't sit still for long."

"Taking after you, I'm guessing." He smiled.

"You are becoming as big of a brat as Cody." The door opened at that and the devil himself walked in.

"See I know when you're talking about me Jessie Lynne." He went straight to her bed and hugged her.

"You better have my husband some place around here."

"You know him with the younger women. The little girl wouldn't let go of his neck so he had to hold her while Shep checked her out." Jess smiled. Derek did have a way with the females under seven.

"Matt, you have to call DCF. Hart couldn't find a single relative and he hasn't found anybody who can take the kids."

"I'm on it. You're on baby sister duty till her old man gets up here." Matt got up and kissed his sister. "You be good. Both of you." He headed out the door. Cody jumped on the bed next to his sister.

"How are my nieces getting along in there?" Cody looked at his sister.

"I'm scared Cody." Jess could never admit that to Matt or even Derek. He reached for her hand.

"You are the strongest woman I know Jess. You can do this."

"I can even make it nine months without screwing it up."

"You haven't screwed anything up. You need bed rest, it's not the end of the world." Derek came in then with a little blond girl attached to his neck and a boy just as blond hanging on his leg.

"Little help here Cody." He said nearly launching the little boy in the room. The younger man got up and took the boy.

"Hey slugger." The little boy went to Cody. Jess looked at the brother and sister. "Kyler, this is my little sister Jess."

"She's not little."

"Not like Kylie but she's still younger than me." Cody sat the little boy down on the chair.

"What's she doing in the hospital?" The little boy asked. Derek went to Jess.

"She's going to have twins really soon so the doctor told her she needed lots and lots of rest." Derek answered. "Hey baby girl. How are doing?"

"Better now that you two are back safe and sound with your new friends." She touched the little girl's cheek. "You must be Kylie." She smiled.

"Why don't I take Kyler and Kylie down stairs and buy them some lunch and let you two have some alone time." Cody reached for the little girl but she clung to Derek.

"Can Kylie get chocolate milk? It's her favorite." Kyler asked for his sister.

"I will personally find the chocolate milk cow the minute we hit the cafeteria." Cody promised. The little girl looked at Cody then her brother. Kyler nodded and the little girl let the younger man take her from Derek's arms. "Let's go find us a chocolate milk cow." Cody took the kids and left. Derek went and took his wife in his arms.

"Now tell me how you're really feeling."

"How can I feel exhausted when I've been in bed for the last twenty four hours?"

"Because you have two little four pound bundles trying to get comfortable inside the space technically made for one." He ran his hand over her stomach and the babies started kicking.

"They don't like that I'm sitting still." Jess put her hand over Derek's. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." Jess closed her eyes and the sleep that hadn't come for many hours finally took her. "Sleep baby." Derek closed his eyes and let exhaustion take over him too.

0/0/0/0/0/0/0/

"Cody is on his way back to the station with the kids." Robin said as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"They can't send anyone from DCFS till tomorrow." Flynn tossed a file on the table. "Are they really that busy?"

"No, they only have three people working Tahoe since the budget cuts." Robin sat down and looked at the file the younger man had set on the table. "Did you find anyone to take them yet?"

"There isn't a soul who even admits they know these people." He looked into his coffee cup. "I talked to the woman's boss in Los Cruses and she said Belinda was a good employee, never called in sick, never complained. She didn't even know she had kids."

"And Raymond?"

"Same. He sold insurance. His boss knew he was married but that's about it." Flynn looked up to see JT coming into the kitchen.

"So Belinda and Raymond St. Claire are practically invisible." Robin shook her head.

"Witness Protection?" Flynn asked.

"Maybe. Jess and I got a few friends with the Marshals. I'll make a few calls." JT sat next to Robin. "Any word on how mama bear is doing?"

"Matt called an hour ago, she's doing better now that Derek's with her." Robin knew that Jess being bed ridden would not sit well with her husband. He needed her around here more than ever.

"The place just might shut down without her." Flynn stood. "I'll keep looking. Who has kids and not have a plan if something happens to them?"

"I talked to Mia last week about who she wants to take Kenzie. She told me that we're gonna start taking separate cars everywhere and there is no way in hell we are flying anywhere together ever again." Matt came in the back door.

"It has nothing to do with your sunny disposition I'm sure." Matt wiped his feet and went over to kiss his wife.

"You should talk my man. You keep leaving this blood hottie alone and someone is gonna scoop her right out from under your nose." JT laughed.

"You keep away from my wife McCullen." Matt smiled. "Jess is doing better. She has conceded to bed rest…here." Going to the coffee pot he poured himself a cup and turned, leaning on the counter.

"What are you going to do, set up a bed at the front desk?" Flynn asked.

"Nothing quite so dramatic. Her and Derek are going to stay in her old room till the house is done. The weather's been good and their house is ahead of schedule so they should be in it by early June."

"So you're kicking Cutler out?" Robin smiled.

"No, Randa said she could move in with him." Matt hid a smile behind his coffee cup.

"Does she know what it's like to live with that ass hole?" Flynn stood. "I did it for a week and I wanted to kill him." He rinsed his cup and put it in the dishwasher.

"Yeah well, they say love is blind."

"Just warn Jay he's gonna have to investigate the crime when she kills him." He left the room leaving Matt with Robin and JT.

"I'm worried about her."

"Randa can take care of herself." JT answered.

"I meant Jess."

"She's strong Matt. She's got a supportive husband and the rest of us at her beck and call." Robin said somewhat sarcastically. JT smiled. Oh there was gonna be a fight between the newlyweds.

"I'm going to go wait for Cody in the lobby." JT grabbed his coffee and headed anywhere but the kitchen.

"I sense a little sarcasm there Robin. I thought we were over the 'there is more to life than your family' crap."

"I didn't mean it that way Matt. I'm sorry. Two days up on the mountain kind of puts your mind in a whole different place, you know that."

"Yeah, I do. But I get it back to where it belongs before I go and say something that might piss somebody off." He closed his eyes. "Robin, I'm sorry. Now is not the time for us to get into this. We're both living on no sleep and bad coffee." Cody came in.

"I just got a call from the county. You, my dear brother are the only qualified foster parent to take these kids till they can send somebody."

"What?" Both Matt and Robin said.

"Three counties, no foster parents able to take two kids till further notice so big brother your all we got."

"What about mom and dad?"

"You really want to do that to two innocent kids? Come on Matt, suck it up. It'll be good practice." He looked at his brother and his wife. "Did I miss something?"

"No…just…take them to your house for now. I'm off in a couple of hours."

"Okay, but the two of you work whatever shit your got out before either step foot out of this kitchen because Jess is on her way home and I just spent forty eight friggin' hours on a cold, snow covered mountain. Neither one of us is in any shape to deal with the immature bull shit." He turned and left the room. It wasn't like Cody to be the mature one in an argument but he had a point.

"I'm sorry Matt. I really didn't mean it the way it sounded." She touched his cheek.

"You've been part of this family for nearly half your life Robin. Don't you get it by now that it's not just Jess that we rally around? Cutler's was down, we were there. When your bother was missing, then dying we were there for you. The only reason it seems like it's all about Jess is because the girl can't keep herself out of trouble long enough for anyone else to have a chance to have a crisis of their own." Robin tried not to smile but she couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"Don't be. Believe it or not Jess doesn't want to be the center of attention all the time. It may seem that way but she really does hate the attention."

"I know." Matt took his wife into his arms. "I better get home and make up the spare bedroom. We have a full house tonight." Matt never would of thought that he would be fostering two small children because of some paper work that he had to file nearly half a lifetime ago to take Jen in for a few days when her grandfather had gotten ill and had to be hospitalized. Aaron wanted to sign over custody of her then but Matt had made sure as soon as he was able he would have his granddaughter back.

"I'll be home in a couple of hours. I want to get Jess settled and make sure Cutler's got it covered for the rest of the day." He kissed her. "I promise I'll hurry."

"I will hold you to that Hawkes." Robin kissed her husband one last time and headed home.

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o

"I called our friends at WITSEC and found out Belinda and Raymond are the star witnesses in a ten year old money laundering case out of Chicago." JT tossed a file on Matt's desk.

"So it wasn't a hit?"

"I can honestly say that by the preliminary report and the photo's that it was an accident." The younger man sat across from his boss. "Trainer said that it looked like she was running…maybe they had a fight and she pulled away from him and stormed off. He chased her, she slipped, he tried to stop her and took them both tumbling into that valley."

"Okay, so the kids must have relatives."

"None. Two foster kids meet in college get married, work for the mob and testify. No strings, no ties." JT looked at Matt. "As of this minute they are wards of the state of California."

"Great. Poor kids, they probably saw their parents fall."

"Now DCFS will try to get here by Monday."

"JT, its Thursday."

"They have four case workers, three trials and a case load of over a thousand in this county alone. The tri-county tops over eighteen hundred." He stood. "They trust you to take care of them. They know those kids are in good hands." He handed Matt the paperwork. "Derek and Cody are sleeping off their two day hike, Jess is playing crazy eights with Flynn and Trainer, Cutler and Blake are headed on flood checks. We have the place under control boss man. Go spend some time with your wife and the two orphans."

"You are getting a whole lot of bossy JT."

"I learn from the best. Get out of here."

"You know where to find me." Matt grabbed his jacket and headed to pick up his chargers from his bother's house.


	17. Chapter 17

Lost

Chapter Seventeen

"Jess it's been three weeks." Matt looked at his sister.

"I know Matt, and I swear I've been trying to get somebody to confirm when they can come by and pick them up." Matt and Robin had taken the dead hikers children in when no one else could and their case worker had been by once in the last month, begging them to take them for a few more weeks because they had no one else that could take two children.

"I'm not complaining. They're great kids but…" He looked at his sister whose bed looked like most people's desks, piled high with papers, her laptop and at least two phones.

"You're getting attached." Matt threw himself on the chair by her bed.

"You've seen them. It's hard not to. Even dad has warmed up to them." Jess smiled.

"I think Tessa is avoiding me on purpose Matt. Maybe she thinks those kids would be a great addition to the Hawkes family." There was his sister again, holding nothing back.

"Jess, Robin and I just got married."

"So did I. When have we done anything the normal way Matthew?" The twins were moving around a lot today. They were getting as restless as their mother. "Don't send Derek too far from home today."

"Are you having contractions?" Matt stood, almost panicking. He had been with her twice when the girls growing inside her started to rebel and she was pretty sure he didn't want to be the only one there when her water broke.

"No, just a feeling."

"Kitrick's trial starts next week."

"We have all the T's crossed and the I's dotted. It's all we can hope for is that the electric chair is ready for him." Jess ran her hand over her stomach. "He hurt a lot of people."

"He hurt you." Matt looked at his sister. She had always been so strong but that winter she came back from DC she had looked like death warmed over and it had scared the hell out of him. Now ten years later it still affected her now and then. Today was going to be one of those days. "I'll call Derek in and give him the rest of the night off."

"Just send him up to check on me when he gets back." She looked at him. Brown eyes met blue. "He needs to keep busy. I think I may be driving him nuts."

"I think you're driving yourself nuts Jess. I'll send Benji up with some lunch." He went to the door. Turning he looked at his sister. "There isn't a day that goes by Jess, that I wish I hadn't asked Cole to find you a job."

"He's the reason I had the strength to get Cody, Matt. If I hadn't of been bullied by him, I don't think I would have had the courage to go and get him. I learned that everything happens for a reason." Looking down she ran her hand over her stomach. "Cole may have messed me up for awhile but you, Cody and Jimmy put me back together and I thank God every day I have the three of you in my life." She smiled and looked at her brother. "Now I have Derek and you have Robin. Cody has Sarah and God willing Randa will stick around and keep Cutler from spending the rest of his life alone. Cole Kitrick tried to tear this family apart but he made it stronger than ever. Don't ever forget that."

"I won't." He left her to her work.

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/

"Sarah is driving me crazy." Cody sat next to his brother in law as they made their way up the winding mountain highway. "Are you going to be able to get Jess to my mom and dad's tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I talked to her doctor at her appointment last week. She's okay to be up for a couple hours here and there. I told her we were invited for brunch."

"Seriously, you used the word brunch? She's never going to fall for it Morgan."

"It's a baby shower Cody, not a covert operation."

"Tell that to my wife. She has people coming in from the four corners of the earth for this and she's very vocal when telling me if something goes wrong it will be on my fault." Derek chuckled.

"You've tracked serial killers and rabid wolves thought the woods and a hundred pound woman scares you?"

"Come on man, Jess is just as bad, I know she is."

"I've seen her fighting mad but not towards me. I told that we don't fight."

"Even with her on eighteen hours of bed rest a day?"

"Yeah, even with her hormones raging and Kitrick's crap. I thought for sure I would have at least a fight or two to look forward to."

"You still haven't had a real fight have you?" Cody looked at his brother in law.

"Not really." Derek laughed. They pulled up alongside a rising creek bed. "I get scared when she gets quiet."

"I don't blame you. She's plotting something if her mouth isn't moving." Cody got out and got the yard stick out of the back of the truck. Derek followed him to the edge of the creek.

"Do you really think Jess is thinking up ways to mess with people when she isn't saying anything?"

"Since she was five, every time she shut up for more than five minutes I ended up on the wrong end of her bad behavior."

"You expect me to believe Jess plots ways of making your life miserable?"

"Mine, Matt's, Cutler's, Benji…whoever pisses her off. I promise you Derek, piss her off and she'll lie awake nights thinking of making your life miserable." The older man shook his head.

"You need a vacation my friend." Writing down the measurements Derek looked at his brother in law. He was looking down river. "You see something?"

"Just thinking." Cody turned and looked at Derek. "I know you think Jess has it all together and I know ninety nine percent of the time her shit is so together that it would make some think she's a lot OCD. But that one percent that pushes her over the edge when things like me getting my ass shot down in Afghanistan is what we have to worry about."

"Don't you ever let her hear you talking like that because you know how she feels about what happened with her mother?"

"I know. I just worry that she doesn't deal with her anger in an efficient manner." Cody turned back to the raging river. "She hasn't blown a gasket since she met you."

"You think that's a bad thing?"

"I think its building up and we might be in for a hell of a lot of trouble when she does."

"I've seen her mad Cody. Matt has told me that while I was gone she wasn't the easiest person to live with."

"Yeah, well she was a kitten compared to the bear I've seen her become. The night she caught Cutler with that skier, she took a bat to his '68 Mustang." Derek turned and started back to the truck.

"You're insane if you think she's just going to have this huge meltdown because she hasn't thrown a tantrum in nine months."

"Maybe I am." Cody followed Derek back to the truck and they headed to the next flooding possibility. "Then again I just might be right."

0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/

"Jim?" Randa came up behind Cutler as he stood on the back porch as the sun started setting.

"Hey, you done with all that nasty paperwork?" He took her in his arms.

"You'd think after all those years in the military it wouldn't seem like such a chore." Smiling he kissed her.

"I know why I never made it past Staff Sergeant. The paperwork would have killed me."

"You've been doing a good job since Jess stopped doing for you."

"She told you about that, did she?" Randa smiled.

"I just figured as much. She's just that anal that she would want it done right." Randa knew Jess pretty well. "You ready to go baby shopping with me?"

"I guess we've put it off long enough."

"Ya think." She grabbed his hand and they walked toward Cutler's Blazer.

"What do you get your ex-girlfriend for her baby shower?"

"The best present ever." Randa laughed as they headed to the mall.

/o/o/o/o/o/o

"I don't think they want to stay in there much longer." Jess said the next morning to her husband. Derek sat on the bed and looked at her. "Tell me again why my mom is having brunch instead of dinner today?"

"Matt has the afternoon shift and Cody and I have to check a few more rivers before the council meeting tomorrow. We would rather do it on a full stomach."

"So then the three boys wined enough so mommy changed her Sunday routine for the first time since forever?"

"I just know she was excited about trying new recipes for the diner on us." He stood and stood behind her. "Stop worrying about your mom's Sunday plans. We'll go to church and have a nice meal with your family and we'll take a walk to the house and check the progress and then spend the rest of the day basking in each other's company until I have to go river hopping."

"I love a man with a plan." She leaned back against him. "I love you."

"I love you too." He kissed her neck. "We need to leave now or we'll be late for church and Father Jonah will be waiting for us."

"Did you remember the water and the fan? I swear the man turns up the heat when he sees me coming."

"Yeah, I put them in your bag." Derek chuckled.

"Okay, let's go so we don't get the death stare." They headed out the door.

"I still think this brunch thing is a crock." Derek helped her into the truck.

"Suck it up baby, we're in for a whole lot a family fun time." He shut the door behind her and went around to the driver's side and got in.

"Did you just tell me to suck it up?"

"In the nicest way possible." Jess glared at her husband.

"Nice or not, telling a woman who is nearly nine months pregnant with twins to suck it up isn't the smartest thing to do."

"Nobody said I was smart." He headed toward church.

0/0/

The church was cool it was the first time in twenty years. Jess slid into the pew next to Matt. He smiled.

"I think when you nearly passed out last week Jonah decided he would pay a little extra to keep you happy this week."

"That can't be it." Kylie slid off the bench and climbed on Derek's lap. Jess looked at the little girl snuggle into his arms. "Have you made a decision about the kids?"

"We're talking about it." Cody and his family slid into the pew. Ava took Derek's other knee and the two little girls giggled. "That's so not fair." Matt looked at his sister.

"Yeah, well the man has something when it comes to women. You really think Ava is going to let you ship her BFF off to foster hell."

"Low blow Jess." The music started. Jess stood not justifying what she had said. Matt shook his head, turning back to the front. This was going to be a really long hour.

0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/

Jess nearly flew out of the pew after church, not waiting for anyone. She bypassed the Father Jonah and disappeared into the crowd. Derek and Matt looked at each other in confusion. Cody stopped at the bottom of the steps.

"What the hell was that?" He looked at the two men in front of him.

"I really don't know." Matt watched Robin and Sarah talking with Ava, Kyler and Kylie near his jeep.

"I better go after her. She shouldn't be walking. We'll meet you at your mom and dad's." Derek turned in the direction his wife had headed.

"What's going on?"

"All she did was asked if me and Robin talked about keeping the kids and I said we were talking about it."

"She's just feeling a little lost right now. With the babies coming, Kitrick and the kids having no place to go, she's starting to unravel."

"Cody, Jess is stronger than that."

"Is she Matt?" He looked at his older brother.

"Now you think she's going be like her mother too?"

"I'm not saying that…"

"Yeah, well little brother that's what it sounds like. Don't you ever question her sanity within a mile of her." Matt turned and left his brother standing alone at the bottom of the church steps.

0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0

"I thought I would find you here." Derek looked at his wife. The bench over looked the valley and the Ranger Station and the Hawkes houses.

"I don't want them to know how bad it was."

"Who?"

"My mom and dad."

"You know me, Cutler and your brother's already promised you that."

"I just want to know that you'll…even if I….get depressed and start acting like her…that you'll never tell them what she did to me." Jess looked at her husband. "Please."

"I have no doubt that Reid made the right call when he said that you wouldn't suffer like Hale did Jess. He's never, ever wrong about those kinds of things." He took her hand in his. "You're not going to lose it the minute those babies are born."

"Please don't patronize me Derek. I know it can happen."

"It can but it won't. Jess you know how to fight the feelings when they come. You know that if for some reason you start to lose control that you can get it back. Hale didn't know how to control her emotions, you do." She knew he was right.

"We're going to be late for brunch." Jess stood up.

"I'll go grab your jeep from the station."

"I don't need you to drive me the three hundred yards to my parents. It's been a long time since I just took a walk." Derek stood and they walked the trail slowly.

"If you get tired I can carry you." Jess laughed.

"Yeah, right. I wasn't a light weight before I had two bouncing babies inside me." He smiled. Derek knew the doctor had been riding her hard about the lack of weight she had gained over the last eight months.

"Oh, I think I could handle it." They walked down the trail and the elder Hawkes cabin came into view.

"I love you Derek Morgan." Jess held his hand and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"I love you too." They got to the back porch of Jess's parents and Derek stopped his wife from opening the door. "I know things have been stressful around here lately. Hell there hasn't been a day in the past nine months that hasn't been a little stressful but I need you to know that I love you and these little girls more than anything in this world Jessie Lynn." Jess looked at her husband and smiled.

"I'm walking into an ambush, aren't I?"

"Of the worst kind." She closed her eyes. "I understand if you turn around and walk away right now."

"And miss out on all the fun." Smiling Jess kissed her husband. "Let's get this party started." Opening the door she braced herself for the long afternoon ride.

"SURPRISE!" Forty people came out of the woodwork of her parent's kitchen.

"Cody's behind this, isn't he?" Jess smiled and asked trough clenched teeth.

"I think the whole family can take the blame for this one baby." He pushed her all the way into the room and friends and family greeted her with hugs and lots of belly touching. Someone forgot to inform the family of Jess's displeasure of anyone but her husband touching her expanding waist line. Cody came up behind Derek and handed him a beer.

"I give her a half hour before she breaks someone's hand for touching her belly."

"I think she can contain herself from hurting anyone."

"I'll take that bet." Cody smiled. Garcia and Derek's mother came into the room and saved him from having to get slapped from his brother in law.

"Watch yourself…she's not in the mood for your wise ass comments today." Derek warned as his mom came and hugged them. "Hey Mom, how've you been?"

"Good. The flowers you sent last week were beautiful."

"Beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl." He smiled and hugged his friend. "Good to see you baby girl."

"Wow the Hawkes know how to throw a party."

"That they do." He looked around at the house decorated in pink with friends and family milling around. How's things going at the BAU?"

"We miss you." She smiled. "But we know you needed this." Garcia looked at Jess talking to Emily and JJ. "Oh man she looks so good, even eight and a half months pregnant with twins." Derek chuckled.

"Yeah, she's a keeper." He smiled. Watching his wife with the people that meant something to him made him lover her more, if that was possible.

"In all our years of banter Derek Morgan I have never seen the look of pure unadulterated love on your face until today."

"Yeah, well it only took me thirty eight years but damn girl, once it hits, it hits hard." He looked at his friend. "I better go check and make sure she's happy." He kissed Garcia on the top of the head. "Thanks for being here baby girl." He kissed his mom. "You too mom."

"Take care of your woman." Derek walked over and greeted his friends that were taking to Jess and he saw Jesse in the corner of the room talking to Hotch and Rossi. "The gangs all here." He said.

"Yeah, Cody said everyone had to come. He was quite adamant." Emily said.

"That's my brother." Jess smiled. "I'm sure Sarah had something to do with it too. She planed our wedding on a wing and a prayer." She looked around. "She got people here who didn't even make it to our wedding or Matt and Robin's." Taking a deep breath, Jess put her hand on Derek's arm. "I need to sit." He pulled a chair out from the table and helped her into it.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." Derek looked worry.

"I'm fine, Derek, really." She smiled a small smile. "But you're still in trouble for helping orca strait this thing." He bent down next to her.

"I'm sorry. We can tell them you're not feeling well and go home."

"That's not happing but thank you for suggesting it." The girls picked that moment to give their opinion and if Jess hadn't been sitting down she may have fallen. "You know the girls love a good party."

"Henry kicked like mad, I can't imagine what two of them would do." JJ's eyes widened as the baby's kicks could be seen though Jess's blouse.

"It's kinda like a boxing match in my uterus. Then my bladder is affected." She went to stand. Derek helped her up. "I shall return unless my Aunt Mags gets to me first." She headed to the bathroom.

"She looks like she's ready to have those babies." Emily said as she watched her friend's wife walk away.

"She was ready three months ago." Derek answered. "How have you two been?"

"Good. No rest for the wicked." The dark haired agent answered.

"Will and Henry are good. They would have been here too but Will's been watching Jack for Hotch when we're gone on assignment." Derek nodded. An unsub had killed Hotch's ex and he was now raising their son alone.

"That's a sight I would like to see." Derek smiled. "I know that's one boy who wouldn't appreciate the skiing around here." JJ laughed.

"Yeah I think the first time he saw snow was when he came to visit me in DC when we were dating."

"Speaking of skiing Ranger Morgan…how is your downhill?" Emily smiled.

"I haven't had any complaints." He returned laughing.

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o

The party lasted well into the afternoon and the two girls growing inside her would want for nothing for at least the first three to six months of their lives. When the gifts were open and the food was cleared there was just one more question on everyone's mind.

"Names?" Derek's mother asked. Jess smiled.

"It was a long hard process. " She looked at Derek.

"Jess was nearly satisfied with Thing One and Thing Two."

"I was actually." Everyone in the room laughed. "Sierra Penelope and Skyler Erin." There was a clapping and excited chatter. "And on that note, thank you everyone for coming. It means the world to both of us to share this with all of you and the minute they are born I'm sure Cody will have pictures sent to all of you ten minutes later." Laughter filled the room. "Thank you Sarah, for not only planning this beautiful get together but for putting up with Cody." Jess started to stand and Derek helped her up. "My mother said there's plenty of food left so stick around if you like but I'm sorry the three of us have had a long day." She put her hand on her stomach. "Thank you all again for coming." The two said their good-byes and they headed out. There was a golf cart outside the back porch.

"A present from me." Derek said. Jess looked confused. "It's just an easier way to get back and forth from our house to your mom , dad's, Cody's and Matt's."

"You think after I give birth I'm going to get lazy?"

"No…I just want to make it easier on you." He leaned in and kissed her. "I can take it back." He looked her in the eye.

"No." She got in. "Take me home sir." Jess smiled. They drove to the house that was almost finished. She had to give their contractor credit. He was doing an awesome job and was way ahead of schedule. They pulled in front of the house.

"They said we can move in next week." Derek helped his wife out of the cart and they stood looking at the wraparound porch. "They really did a good job."

"Yeah. It's going to be nice to sleep in that big bed again." Derek held her hand as they walked to the front door. "What did you need me to look at?" They opened the door into the house.

"Upstairs." They walked slowly up the stairs and they stopped at the nursery.

"Anyone home." Matt came in with Robin.

"Hey, what are you two doing here?" Jess turned around.

"We loaded the truck with your hall from the shower so we thought we would drop it off and store it in the garage."

"You are bucking for best brother again?" She smiled.

"Yeah, well wait till you see what's behind this door, he is gonna win, hands down." Derek told her as he opened the nursery door. Jess looked into the room. The walls were painted like the mountains that surrounded their home.

"Matt…you did all this?" The cribs were the round ones she had seen in magazine somewhere with billowing netting covering the tops making it look like clouds. There were clouds there too, painted on the ceiling.

"I had some time." He said softy. Stepping into the room Jess spun around and looked at the detail that went into the walls. The tears started to fall. Matt shook his head and reached into his pocket and handed his brother in law a twenty dollar bill.

"I thought for sure she was going to hold back." Matt said. Jess wanted to be mad that her bother and husband had been taking bets on her emotional reactions but right now, in the beautiful room her babies were going to share she couldn't.

"It's perfect Matt." She turned and hugged her brother. "Thank you." He hugged his sister.

"Anything for you baby sister." Jess knew that he meant that. She also knew that Matt would make the right decision when it came to Kylie and Kyler. Because Matt always did the right thing.


	18. Chapter 18

Lost

Chapter Eighteen

Two weeks later Matt sat at his desk going over some paperwork. Robin was sitting across from him. It was rare that the two worked the same shift lately but Jesse and Jackie had kids night at their house. Kylie, Kyler, and Ava were having a sleep over so the two of them had taken advantage of it and pulled a shift together and a night alone. Something they hadn't had in a month.

"Your mom and dad really were asking for it." Robin looked up from her file.

"Well Kylie and Ava entertain each other and Kyler hangs on Pop's every word." Matt looked at his wife. "We ever going to talk about what we should have talked about weeks ago?"

"We should." She looked down at the file on her lap.

"There isn't much to discuss Robin. Either we file the papers or we send them packing."

"You make it sound so easy."

"I think we could be good for them honey. We don't know what their lives were like before but we know they like being here. Being with us. Hell they even like Cody." Robin chuckled.

"You do know that being parents will cut into your skiing time?"

"I know I have a sister and a brother and two wonderful parents that can babysit for a couple of hours after a nice powder."

"Those same people who will want to share said powder."

"If we decided to make those two a permanent part of her family we will not be lacking for sitters Robin." He leaned back in his chair. "What's really bothering you?"

"I just want to be sure we're ready for this Matt. We spent the last twenty years avoiding what was between us and now…now we're together less than six months and you want to bring two kids into the mix."

"Whatever you decided Robin, I will go with it. I just want you to think about it."

"I guess I just feel like we haven't had much time alone together."

"Then I call Tessa in the morning and tell her to find them a permanent home." He stood and filed the paperwork he was working on.

"You're mad." He turned and looked at his wife.

"No Robin, I'm not mad. I just thought you would have given it a little more thought."

"I have thought of nothing else for weeks Matt. I wanted to marry more than anything else in the world and maybe we went from first kiss to walking down the aisle quicker than most but I thought we'd have a few months to ease into the part about having kids."

"I said I understood Robin. I will make the call in the morning." He slammed the file cabinet left the office. He needed to take a breath before he made the phone call that could possibly change two children's lives.

0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0

"Jimmy?" Jess stood in the door way of the garage. He looked up from the bike he was working on.

"I…Jess…I'm just tightening up my break line." She smiled.

"I'm not going to jump down your throat for a break line. I need to talk to you."

"Not the six words a man likes to here from his ex." He smiled. "What's wrong?"

"Matt and Robin aren't going to take Kyler and Kylie."

"I didn't think the blond had it in her. You're not thinking of taking them, are you?"

"No. There is nothing in this world I would like more but I know I'm going to have my hands full in a few weeks." She went and sat on the back of the four wheeler parked next to Cutler's bike.

"I know you're not thinking about me taking them." Jess chuckled.

"I like those kids too much to do that to them." She looked at her friend. "Matt will regret letting those kids go and it will put a strain on his marriage that it won't recover from."

"And you know this because?" Cutler looked into her eyes and he knew she couldn't explain but he understood. "You should be talking to your husband about this. Or Cody."

"I can't. You know Matt better than anyone. How can I make him see that they need to be a family? Those kids need them." He stood and went to stand in front of her.

"You can't make them see what's right in front of them sunshine." He touched her cheek. "Just don't be too hard on them." Cutler went back to tightening his break lines.

"You make no sense sometimes Jimmy." She stood up and ran her hand down her belly. "Cutler." He looked up. "Go get Derek." Seeing the look on her face, he stood.

"What's wrong?"

"My water just broke." Jess answered through clenched teeth.

"What?"

"Did I stutter Jimmy?" She sat back on the seat of the ATV.

"No…Okay…ahhh damn it I think Matt just sent him and Izzy to Sutton's Pass to check on a rock slid. Let's get you in the station and I'll go find him." He reached for her hand and helped her back up. "Are you okay?"

"Just find my husband." Jess clung to his hand as he helped her the fifty or so yards to the back door of the station.

"Matt! Robin!" Cutler yelled as he opened the door. "TJ! Randa! Anyone!" Flynn came down the back steps.

"Keep it down man, you're gonna wake up the whole damn valley."

"Where is everyone?"

"Randa and Hart headed out to the timber line in the east meadow to check on a mountain lion sighting. TJ and Cody ran to the court house to file some reports and Matt and Robin are around here somewhere. Why?"

"Jess's water broke." Flynn looked at Jess.

"Don't you think you should be sitting down?" He pulled out a chair. "Cutler you find Matt and I'll call Derek in." The younger man went to the radio and Cutler went looking for Matt, leaving Jess waiting for the first contraction to hit.

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/

"I hope your caught up on your sleep man, 'cause there is no way you are gonna even get a good three hours in a row once the babies come." Izzy drove up the mountain a little faster than Derek would of liked but he knew the man wasn't a risk taker so he felt somewhat safe.

"Jess has been tossing and turning so much lately I don't she's gotten more than a couple of hours at a time" The radio crackled.

"HMR base to Chocolate Thunder, do you read me?" Derek picked up the mike.

"Roger Tweeker"

"You need to get back down the mountain. Lady Hawk's about to lay her eggs."

"How far apart are her contractions?"

"Dude, I didn't ask but her water broke like five minutes ago. Cutler's finding Matt. Best bet is to meet us as the hospital."

"Flynn, who else is there?"

"Just me and Cutler. I can't find Matt."

"Okay tell Jess I'm on my way."

"Take it slow man, we don't need you in a hospital bed next to you wife." He hung up and went to find Cutler and Matt.

0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/0/00/

"I really didn't need this today." Jess said from the back seat of Cutlers blazer. They had found Matt in the gym knocking the crap out of the punching bag. Still in his sweats he held her hand as the next contraction hit.

"We'll its today, whether you like it or not Jess." Matt wondered why he was the one sitting here with his sister when Cody was one who always took care of things with Jess. It seemed like he was being thrust into taking over his baby sister sitting duties.

"Derek's on his way right?"

"Yeah, Benji met them half way so Izzy and him could go back up the mountain to check on the slide." Jess was breathing hard as the next contraction hit. "Cutler can you move a little faster."

"Two minutes…Matt…two minutes apart. That's not good."

"Of course it is. That means your going to double the size of your family in no time."

"I am not having these babies in the back of Cutler's truck Matthew."

"We're almost there." Matt held her hand.

"Promise me something." He looked at his sister. There was something in her brown eyes he hadn't seen in a very long time. Desperation and fear.

"If I can."

"Don't let Kyler and Kylie slip into the system Matt." He wondered why she picked now to bring this up. "I always had this family to go to if I was every alone…they…they never had a place they knew was safe if their parents couldn't be there for them. No child should have that kind of worry." She looked at her brother with and intensity she saved for Cody. "I had you and the rest of the Hawkes when I was alone…my kids will have a whole lot of people to care for them if something happens to me and Derek. Who did they have Matt."

"Jess, we can talk about this when we get these babies born."

"Matt I need to know…in case…"

"Damn it Jess, nothing is going to happen to you. You're not Hale…damn…your strong and pig headed and right now you're just talking stupid." He looked out the window and was glad to see the hospital on the horizon. "I won't do anything till I talk to Robin one more time, but Jess…she's not feeling it."

"Then find them a better home." The car came to a stop and the door opened. Shep and Derek were there to take over.

"Just get this done." He said as they took her from the car. Matt got out then.

"I'll meet you in the waiting room after I park." Cutler looked at his friend.

"Yeah, see you inside." He didn't want to deal with Robin and thinking about the kids and where they were going to end up if they didn't take them.

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o

"Breath baby." Derek stood next to his wife. She didn't like not being in control and giving birth to twins was not good for her control.

"Matt…don't let him…"

"Damn it Jess worry about the task at hand and we'll worry about the rest of the family when we get this done."

"You both seem to think this is some job that once I push these babies out of me its all gonna be good. Have you ever tried pushing not one but two friggin' watermelons out of a hole the size of…of a…well a really small hole?" She looked up to see Shep come into the room. "Oh, hell no. There is no way …he is going to deliver my babies."

"Jess, I'm all you got. Your doctor is at a conference and was on her way back when she got a flat."

"She knew that I was ready to have these babies, she should of stayed close." Jess felt another contraction. "You screw this up Shep and you'll never ski again."

"You would think she'd be nicer to me since I saved her life a time or two." Shep looked at the woman in front of him. "On the next contraction your going to start pushing." He looked into her eyes. "Relax till then, okay."

"Easy for you to say." Closing her eyes she held tight to Derek's hand. "Are you sure there's not another doctor who can do this."

"I promise I won't drop the ball…or a baby in this case." Jess shook her head.

"I'm so gonna kill him when this is over."

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o

"Shep? Shep is delivering the babies?" Cody looked at his bother.

"Yeah, well this isn't LA and we have only a handful of doctors and four of them when to some conference in Sacramento. It's supposed to be a slow week end."

"When has a weekend in Tahoe slow?" Cody sat next to his wife. "Maybe you should go in there."

"Are you nuts? She's probably got Shep by the balls threatening to kill him if he screws this up." Cutler laughed.

"That would be our Jess." He took Randa's hand and pulled her close. Closing his eyes he said a little prayer for his best friend. Jessie and Jackie sat watching their family that had grown so much in such a short time. Derek, Randa, Sarah and Ava. Cody's boys and now Jess's girls.

"I want to find someone to run the restaurant." Jackie said to her husband. "I want to enjoy them again like we used to."

"You love to cook people honey."

"I have a whole family to cook for again Jesse. When I bought the restaurant I had no kids at home and when they did come by it was for a sandwich and some advise. Now they're in and out all the time again and the grandbabies…Jesse we're going to have seven."

"You really think Matt and Robin will take Kyler and Kylie?"

"I don't think they have a choice." Robin came in. Two blond burst of energy came charging at Matt. He knelt down and they threw themselves in his open arms. "I give him till the end of the day before he makes the right choice. Once he see's those little girls in his sister's arms there will be no denying what path he'll chose."

"You're pretty sure of yourself aren't you."

"Damn straight." She smiled and leaned against her husband.

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o

"Okay Jess a big push on the next contraction." Shep looked up. "You can do this." She looked at Derek. The sweat was plastering her hair against her face but she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

"A few more minutes and we'll have our baby girls. Have I told you how much I love you today Jessie Lynne Hawkes?" Smiling Jess clung to Derek's hand.

"Not as much as I love you Derek Morgan…ohhh oh crap." Leaning forward Jess pushed hard, squeezing her husband's hand with everything she had.

"Good girl. She's almost out Jess. One more big push and we'll have baby number one." Jess pushed on big push and the room echoed with the cry of a baby thrust into the world. "She's a beauty Jess."

"Really? You wouldn't lie to me would you Shep?" She said between pants.

"Never in a million years Sunshine." He handed Derek the scissors to cut the cord. He did and Shep put the baby on Jess's chest.

"Sierra or Skylar?" Derek asked Jess.

"We have to wait." The nurse took the baby to clean her up.

"You ready for number two?" Derek asked his wife.

"I guess she can't stay in there." She looked at Shep. "One more time around the block?" She looked more tired than her husband had ever seen her.

"Breathe and take a rest." Shep checked her vitals. The last couple of pushes had taken a lot out of her. "Jess, the baby's turned a little and I need adjust her position. You may feel some pressure but don't push, okay." Nodding she held Derek's hand and took a deep breath. The pressure was almost her undoing. She clung to her husband, tears running down her cheeks. "Okay Jess…time to push." She boosted herself up on her elbows. "You ready kid?" Shep smiled at her.

"Only if you are. You promised you wouldn't drop them."

"I always keep my promises." The next contraction hit hard and Jess pushed. The sounds of her daughters cries echoing through her mind.

"Jess?" The monitors started beeping and Shep cut the cord and handed the baby to the nurse. Jess, stay with us." She grew limp in Derek's arms.

"Jess!" He looked at his wife.

"Derek you need to go into the waiting room."

"I'm not leaving her."

"Derek, please. " The older man snapped. "Go see your daughters." Nurses and doctors filed in. "Go take care of your family." Shep barked out orders as Derek backed out of the room. More monitors were went off as he stepped into the hallway. Turning he looked into the waiting room full of his family and friends. What was he going to tell them? How was he going to tell them? How could he go on if Jess didn't make it?


	19. Chapter 19

Lost

Chapter Nineteen

Cody looked up from taking to Ava and he saw Derek standing just outside the delivery room door. Standing he took two steps toward his brother in law before he felt the bile rise in his throat.

"Derek?"

"She lost consciousness. After the second baby came she was so tired. When she closed her eyes I thought she was just resting." Derek could feel the tension in the room grow. "Shep won't let anything happen to her Cody." The younger man's clenched fist gave proof that he didn't have the faith in the ex-ranger that Derek had. "Cody…" The younger man turned and walked down the hall itching for something to punch. Sarah stood to go after him. "I'll go." Derek told his sister in law and headed after Cody. He found him pacing the hall waiting for the elevator. "Come back to the waiting room, your family needs you."

"You need to get back. I need to take a walk."

"Cody, I know how you feel. I just want you there with us if…"

"I thought you said there wasn't going to be an if." He looked at his brother in law.

"She's means a lot more to you and me than the rest of them. I know that sounds kind of selfish but you know it's true." The elevator opened and Cody looked inside then back at Derek.

"A few years ago…after Afghanistan and before her break up with Cutler she was in this mood. She took a personal day and drank herself stupid. I found her at Cutler's cabin. Her body was shaking and she looked like hell. She looked up at me and said 'I'm not afraid to die Cody. I have lived and loved and if I die right this minute…I wouldn't have one regret.'" Cody leaned against the wall as the elevator closed without him entering it. "On your wedding day she sat holding my son in her arms and looked at me with that damn sugary sweet smile and said, 'I lied to you. If I had died that day I wouldn't have know the love of your son's or the love of my husband.' Not much more was said about it but Derek if she dies not knowing the love of her little girls and them not knowing her love…how fair is that?"

"I believe in a whole lot of things and Mark Sheppard is the man I want in that room with my wife. I believe that if we all say a prayer that gives him that much more to work with."

"For an outsider you're getting really good at fitting in here."

"Yeah, well it helps when you like the people around you. Let's get back to our family." They headed back to wait for news on the woman they both loved.

"How are the girls?"

"Beatiful." Derek stopped and looked at his brother in law. "Jess…she was so worried about being like Hale…she thought about what would happen if she couldn't love…if she couldn't love them. What happens if she doesn't get a chance?" Cody felt the older man's pain. He also felt guilty for acting like he was the only one worried about his sister.

"My sister has never backed away from a challenge. This isn't any different. She has waited her whole life to be loved then way you love her. She won't give up that easily." Cody took a deep breath. "We need to be strong for them." He pointed to the waiting room filled with friends and family. Matt clung to Robin's hand as he watched the door. His mother was nearly in tears and his father stood tense next to her absently patting her shoulder. Randa quietly talked to Cutler as she rocked Dylan and Sarah held Colton as Ava slept. JT stood quietly in the corner unobtrusive as always.

"I never needed anyone like I need her. She came into my life when I least expected it and she blew down walls I never knew I had." Derek looked into the eyes of the only person who could understand how he felt. "If something ever happens to her…" Cody patted his brother in law on the shoulder.

"Nothing is going to happen to her." Shep came out of the delivery room. Taking off his hat he sought out Derek. The Hawkes all looked at him.

"She's going to be okay. Her blood pressure dropped after the second baby was born. She was pretty drained and she…in lack of a better term, passed out. She needs rest. The last few hours has taken a lot out of her." The doctor turned and looked at the two men beside him. "She'll be in ICU for a few hours so we can monitor her vitals but we'll move her in the morning. Claire has the girls cleaned up and ready to meet you all when you're ready."

"Thanks Mark. For everything." Derek shook the man's hand.

"Anything for family." He nodded his goodbyes and headed down the hall. Derek slid down the wall and sat down on the floor, running his hands over his face. Jess was going to be okay.

"You okay?" Matt was standing next to him. He looked up.

"No. I just died a little myself." Matt bent down next to the younger man.

"My sister never makes things easy Derek. You should know that by now." He stood and offered a hand up to his brother in law. "Let's go see those beautiful girls we waited so long to meet." Derek got up and they all headed to the nursery.

/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o

Jess felt the warmth of another hand in hers and struggled to open her eyes.

"Jess?" The voice echoed in her mind. She opened her eyes. Derek smiled at her. "It's so good to see those baby browns of yours."

"The girls?"

"They're perfect." He moved aside to show her that her father was holding one and her mother the other. "They aren't very good at sharing."

"It took you this long to figure that out." Jess looked at her parents and her daughters. "Is everyone else okay?"

"You scared the hell out of them but they're all breathing." She closed her eyes and squeezed her husband's hand.

"I scared myself. All I could think about was I didn't want to leave you alone." Looking at her parents and the love they showed to the two newest members of the family made Jess feel that much more loved herself.

"You did good Jessie Lynne." Her father looked up from the baby.

"Thanks daddy." Jess looked at her husband. "Did you decided who is who yet?"

"I think your dad has Sierra. She's a little more high strung than Skylar." Jess closed her eyes and let the warmth of her husband's touch wash over her.

"Can you get Cody for me?" She asked.

"He's just outside. He wouldn't go home till he knew you were okay."

"I want him to get the journals and give them to my parents."

"Jess…"

"They need to know what she did. They need to know why I was so terrible for all those years after…"

"You were a teenage girl who lost her parents Jess. They never stopped loving you."

"I know. I just want them to understand better. And to know why I fought so hard to be part of this family." Derek understood. He got up and went to the door. Cody was sitting in the hall just outside.

"She wants to see you." Cody stood.

"What's wrong?"

"She wants to tell your parents about Hail." Cody nodded.

"I knew when it came down to life and death she would make the right choice." Derek stayed in the hall and let his brother in law handle the drama yet to come."Hey kiddo." Cody looked at his sister. She looked beat.

"They're pretty amazing, huh?" He turned and looked at their parents holding her daughters.

"They're more than amazing Jess." He took her hand. "I'll bring the journals to mom and dad's in the morning."

"Thanks. How's Matt?"

"He's hovering. I think he might have had a fight with Robin."

"I should talk to him."

"You should get some rest. You just gave birth to twins and nearly died Jess. I think you can take a few hours to yourself and stop worrying about everyone else." He brushed a blond hair out of her face. "Cutler took out another coffee machine, Benji became a blubbering idiot and JT's aged another few years but everyone is fine now that your fine."

"How about you?" Jess smiled.

"Me? Well little sister I was about ready to beg whoever would listen to make sure they saw to it that those girls didn't grow up without their mother." Cody kissed her forehead. "Get some rest when you can. When these two get home they are going to need more attention then you thought."

"Thanks Cody."

"Anything else you need, just call."

"Just make sure they understand…"

"I will." Looking at his parents he knew that they would understand why she waited so long to show them what she had found seventeen years ago. They had always been there for the three of them and he knew they would be there for her now. "Get some rest. I love you Jess."

"I love you too." Jess watched her brother walk out the door and then shifted her gaze to her parents who were still in awe of the two little girls they were holding. Derek came back into the room and they both sat quietly for a long time watching.

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o

The next morning Jesse and Jackie Hawkes sat at their kitchen table looking at pictures of their new granddaughters and talking about all the things they wanted to do with all of their grandchildren. The back door opened and Cody came in carrying a box.

"I thought you two would have been at the hospital fussing over the girls."

"They'll be coming home tomorrow and the house is finished so we thought we'd get some of Jess and Derek's stuff moved in before they get home." Cody set the box down on the table.

"Sounds like a lot of work. Too bad I don't have the day off." He grabbed a cup of coffee and joined his parents. "Jess wanted me to give these to you."

"Hail's journals?" Jackie remembered the boxes from years ago.

"She wants you to read them."

"Cody…" Jesse knew what could be in those journals and he knew he didn't want relive those painful memories.

"She needs you to know some things that she went through. For you to know what happened those nine months she was away from us." He looked into his coffee cup. "Jess feels that if you know everything, you'll understand her better."

"She's worried about if she'll become like her?" Jackie questioned.

"She hopes that if we all know…we'll know if…"

"Jess isn't Hail, Cody. She never has been a bit like her." Jesse told his son.

"I know that and you know that but Jess…she needs a little more convincing." Cody looked at his father. "She's been holding a lot back from all of us and finding Derek and having the twins makes her more susceptible to sharing the chance she may or may not become Hail."

"How much do you know?"

"I know pretty much everything. I know that Lee brought you Jess when she was a baby to take care of for her while Hail was in the hospital." Jesse looked surprised his son knew about the time Jess had spent with them back then. "Matt remembered her being here." Cody stood and refilled his coffee cup. "He never said anything till Jess told me about the journals."

"She's okay with all this?" Jackie asked her son.

"Now she is. Derek, Matt and I have made sure she's gotten through her pregnancy without too much drama. She wants to clear the air and start being the mother we all know she can be." Leaning on the counter he looked at his parents. "She knows we love her, she just needs us to know how much she needed it back then."

"I don't need any journals to tell me how Hail treated that little girl." Jesse stood. "I just wish I would have had the power to change how things were handled."

"You did everything you could." Cody rinsed his cup out. "I've got to get to work." He hugged his mother. "I'll get everyone rounded up to help move the furniture into Derek and Jess's house at nine tomorrow." Stopping at his father, Cody could see that he was worried. "She'll be okay Pop." He hugged him and left his parents to sort through the life and times of Hail McCormick.

o/o/o/o/o/o/

Matt sat at his kitchen table. It was unbelievably quiet. It was still early and he knew at any moment two little towheaded bundles of energy were going to charge through the door looking for breakfast. He was going to miss them so much. Robin came in, fresh from the shower and looking better than a woman her age has a right to.

"The kids are going to Sarah and Cody's today. I have some errands to run and I thought I would pick up some stuff for Jess and the girls." Matt was silent. Robin looked at him. "Is something wrong Matt?"

"I want to file papers to become legal guardians of Kyler and Kylie."

"Matt…"

"No Robin. These kids need us. Need a family who will love them and care for them. I know we've been married a short time but we've lived a lifetime together. I understand if it's too much too soon for you but…Jess could of died last night and those girls would of never known what it was like to know her and to be loved by her. We can give these kids a second chance to know the love of a mother and father. "

"You expect me to just agree to this?"

"I expect you to want to help those kids as much as I do."

"I'm not like you Matt. I can't just start loving someone else's children like my own just because they don't have anyone to take care of them."

"I guess I don't know you as well as I thought." He got up and put his coffee cup in the sink. "I'll take the kids to my brothers, you can start your day." Matt headed to wake up the kids he hoped would complete their family.

/o/o/o/o/o

"Randa, have you seen my black boots?" Cutler came out of the bedroom.

"Try the closet, where there belong." She answered as she poured them both a cup of coffee.

"You don't have to pick up after me Randa." He grabbed his boots. "It's been awhile since I lived with someone else. Just tell me if I'm doing something wrong." Smiling she sat at the kitchen table.

"Don't worry cowboy, you're doing just fine." He leaned over and kissed her before he sat across the table. "You never lived with anyone other than Jess, have you?"

"No. I never…I guess nobody else would put up with me."

"I just don't think you wanted to put up with anyone else." She looked into his blue eyes. "You loved her for a long time Jim." Taking his hand she took a deep breath. "Jess almost died last night."

"But she didn't."

"You don't have to hide your feelings for her from me. She was a big part of your life. She still is a big part of our life. She's my friend too. I died a little too last night when Derek came through that door. I know it must have been hard on you but you shut yourself off."

"Jess never gets sick. She never complains about picking up the slack or getting up in the middle of the night to drive your drunk ass home." He looked at the only other woman other than Jess he had let so far into his life. "I never knew how much she gave until it was too late."

"She's still that person."

"But I don't have the right to be an ass to you when something happens to her."

"You love her. You may not be in love with her anymore Jim, but you still love her. Jess has been your friend for a long time. You have a right to show your grief when she's hurt."

"Not very many people understand what we have. Most women would of bolted."

"I'm not most women."

"I know." He leaned over and kissed her. "Thank you for understanding." Standing, Cutler put his coffee cup into the sink. Randa wasn't scared of what he had with Jess anymore than Derek was. They both understood that friendship forged under extreme conditions tended to go the distance. "Matt arranged for all of us to move Derek and Jess's stuff into the house in the morning."

"One less thing for them to worry about." Randa did understand what Jim and Jess had and she knew that Jim Cutler was the man he was today because of a girl he met twenty years ago and she liked that man, a lot. She would have to find away to thank Jess some day.

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/

"They really are so different already." Jess looked at the little girl in her arms. Skylar was so much more mellow then her sister who was fussing in her father's arms. Sierra was what her father would call a little high strung. Not even her father's soothing words could calm her.

"I don't think she likes me." Derek joked.

"I just think she's got her Uncle Cody's attitude." Jess looked at her husband. He hadn't slept much in the last three days. Between work and her giving birth there hadn't been much time for even a cat nap. "Why don't you go home for awhile and get some sleep. Mom and dad should be here in an hour or so." He looked up from the little girl who was slowly falling asleep.

"I'm fine."

"Derek…"

"I'm not leaving Jess. Matt has me covered through the weekend so your stuck with me sweetheart." He sat next to her on the bed. "Garcia is waiting with the rest of the team to see our new additions." Jess smiled and turned on the lap top that Cody had brought them. She waited for the machine to log on.

"Have I told you how much I love you today Ranger Morgan?" She leaned over and kissed him.

"I think you told me this morning but I like hearing it." He looked down at the little girl in his arms. "Thank you." He looked back at his wife.

"I would say anytime but I think we might wait a few years before we do this again." At that moment Garcia popped up on the screen.

"Look at you guys!" She squealed. "Oh Derek they're beautiful."

"Thanks baby girl." The rest of his old team stood behind the computer analyst.

"How's everyone?" JJ asked.

"Good. Jess gave us a little scare at the end but we're all fine now." Derek held up the little girl in his arms to the camera. "Sierra Penelope Morgan…meet your Godmother." Garcia squealed again.

"Awww, she's so beautiful. They both are." Skylar started to fuss so they all said their goodbyes and signed off. Jess started feeding the fussy child just as someone knocked on the door. The new mother coved herself and Derek opened the door. It was Matt.

"Hey, I was on my way to work and I thought I'd stop by and say hello to the two most beautiful girls in the world." He smiled and Derek handed him a fussing Sierra. She quieted and looked at her uncle with her big eyes wide with wonder.

"I think she likes you." Jess looked at her oldest brother with a little motherly concern.

"At least someone does." Matt didn't look at his sister, he just kept looking at his niece, smiling at her.

"The hospital is a long way out of your way to be going into work." Jess questioned.

"I dropped the kids off at Cody's and went to talk to Tessa."

"Your going to keep them?" Jess looked hopeful.

"No, but I'm going to keep them till they can be placed together."

"You?"

"Yeah, I'm going to pack up the kids and go to mom and dads."

"Matt?" Jess reached for him. He looked at his sister. "Talk to me."

"Robin doesn't want the kids." Matt sat back. "I guess that was one of the few things we haven't talked about in the twenty years we've been friends."

"She'll come around Matt." It wasn't like her to find the good in anyone or anything. She was the one who found the serial killer in the preschool teacher next door. Even with Robin being her friend, he knew that she would be on his side.

"Not about this. She's always been so against family getting in the way of things, I should have seen it coming." He looked down at the little girl his arms. He was the oldest and now he was the only one without kids.

"Matt?" Looking up at his sister he knew that he had to fight for what he believed in even if it meant loosing Robin.

"I should get to work before Cody has the whole team looking for me." He handed his niece back to her father.

"It will work out Matt." Jess smiled. "I know it doesn't seem that way but it will." Matt leaned over and kissed his sisters cheek and the head of the little girl she was holding.

"I want to know what you did with my pessimistic sister." He stood and nodded his good bye to Derek. "I'll see you guys later." Jess watched her brother leave and then looked at her husband. Her worries about becoming like her mother pushed aside by the worry of her brother loosing the only woman he ever loved.e


	20. Chapter 20

Lost

Chapter Twenty

Cody and Matt hauled the last box into their sister's garage. It had been a really long day. They had gotten all Jess and Derek's stuff moved into the house before they came home from the hospital with the twins this afternoon. They were all going to meet at their parents for dinner.

"You've been really quiet today." Cody sat across from his brother in their sisters living room, taking a break before heading out.

"Nothing much to talk about." Matt leaned back against the cushions of the couch and closed his eyes.

"How about the fact that you and the kids have moved into mom and dads?" He looked at his little brother. The man had the perfect marriage. How and the hell could he explain to him what he and Robin where going through.

"Just till they can find a place for both the kids, together."

"I can't believe Robin would be that callous." Cody had known the woman since he was a kid. She always had a soft spot for kids. She always made an effort to come over and see his kids.

"I guess she wasn't ready for an instant family."

"Who is? I mean I loved Ava from the get go but I had my doubts what kind of dad I would be to her, but I never once thought about not loving Sarah."

"I should have taken a step back when she gave me a hard time about Jess."

"Matt, Robin didn't have the same relationships with her brothers that we have. She ran away when she was sixteen. Her parents didn't get involved with her life like ours did. Matt she doesn't know what it's like to have family surrounding her twenty-four seven."

"She spent the last twenty years with us Cody. Dad and Mom treated her like family. We treated her like family. She knew that was important to me. I thought she wanted to be part of it."

"She does Matt, just not a readymade family a few months into her life with you." Cody didn't like the way his sister in law thought but he understood.

"The kids will find a home together and the two of us will work it out." Cutler came in.

"You guys gonna sit around here all day or are we gonna get some real work done?" He was carrying a box they must have forgotten in the truck. "Your mom and dad are expecting us all for dinner in an hour."

"Are Jess and Derek there yet?" Matt stood up.

"They were giving the babies one last once over and they were headed this way." Cutler set the box down on the kitchen counter.

"I better make a trip to the office to check on things." Matt said.

"I was just there. Robin's holding down the fort. No calls all morning and Hart and Frank just headed up to the ridge to take water readings."

"You do have everything under control." Matt looked at his friend.

"I try. Take it easy for the rest of the day boss man. I'll send Robin to your parents when Trainer gets in. Spend some time with the wife and kids."

"I left my wife and the kids are getting picked up on Monday. Tessa found them a home in Meeks Bay." He got up and went to the door. "I'll meet you guys at mom and dad's." Cody watched his brother go.

"What does he mean he left his wife?" Cutler looked at the younger Hawkes.

"Robin didn't want to adopt them, so he left till they could find another home for them both."

"You're both messing with me, right?" Cody stood.

"Sorry buddy, I don't think Matt leaving his wife is something we would just poke fun at." He took the box Cutler had brought in and stored it in the closet. "I don't even know if she knows he's gone. He scheduled them opposite shifts the last week."

"I guess I haven't been paying too much attention to the high mountain drama lately."

"You've had other things on your mind. How is Ranger Blake doing on her training?" Cody smiled.

"You're a sick man Cody Hawkes…you know that?"

"Yeah, my sister tells me daily. Randa's been good for you man. I haven't seen you this happy since…well since Jess. Even then you weren't always so happy."

"Yeah, she does kind of make my life a little less dreary." Cutler looked around the kitchen. "This place is everything Jess ever wanted."

"Yeah. Too bad she'll never know what this room looks like." Cody chuckled. "I got some things to do at home before dinner. Tell Jess not to eat all the deviled eggs before I get there." Cody left Cutler standing in the middle of the kitchen. It was pained a dark chocolate with red accents. He had always known she wanted a home to call her own. A place where she could have a life far from what her birth parents had given her those first years of her life. Turning on the light over the sink like he knew she liked and he headed out the door.

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o

"How's she doing?" Jesse Hawkes asked his son in law who stood alone in the kitchen.

"She hasn't slept." Derek turned and looked at the older man. "Matt and JT got subpoenaed for Kitrick's trial."

"They didn't call her as a witness?" Jesse looked surprised.

"The prosecuting attorney said they would wait and see. Jess doesn't know about Matt and JT and we're going to try and keep it that way for now. She needs to relax and worry about the girls and nothing else right now."

"She needs to rest." His fatherly instinct was kicking in big time. One of his children was hurting and he didn't like it.

"I know. The girls have been sleeping four hours at a time so I'm hoping we can get her to lie down after dinner." Jesse knew his daughter's husband was more worried than he was letting on.

"I read the journals." The older man said as he went to the refrigerator and grabbed two beers, handing one to Derek.

"You and Jackie never knew?"

"Lee said little about his life with Hail. The only inkling of trouble was back just after Jess was born and he brought her to us for those few weeks." Jesse leaned against the counter. "We saw very little of them after that until Lee called me and asked if Jess could spend the summer she was five with us. After that he dropped her off every year like clockwork. Once or twice did Hail even leave the car. After that first year the minute Jess saw Cody it seemed all her unhappiness faded away."

"Lee never talked about what Hail was going through?"

"We talked sports and the Corps. He wasn't the same man I grew up with. After what we saw in Viet Nam I'm surprised any of us came back sane. Hail was his anchor those first few years. From what I read in those journals he might have been the only thing keeping Hail sane."

"He didn't protect his daughter from the emotional abuse his wife was inflicting on her. I'm sorry Jesse, I didn't know the man but what I do know is that I don't like what he did to my wife."

"I don't blame you. I just wish I knew what was going on back then. It would have explained a lot and we could have gotten her some help."

"You did help Jesse. You where there every summer for her and when she needed a place to go after her parents died. You and Jackie stepped up, got your lives together and took her in."

"She saved me and Jackie from making the biggest mistake of our lives. If I hadn't come off that mountain Jackie would have sent Matt up with divorce papers." Jesse smiled. "I guess I should be grateful that Hail McCormick was a little bit of a bitch."

"Yeah, I guess you should be." Matt came in just then, carrying Kyler in one hand and Kylie clinging to his leg. When the girl saw Derek she let go and nearly dove into his arms.

"Derek, Matt bought us fishing poles and he said we all can go fishin' when the babies get bigger."

"He did huh?" Derek boosted the little girl onto his hip. "That sounds like a blast."

"You can bring Jess cause Matt's gonna bring Robin and we're gonna have a picnic and everything."

"Well you have it all planed out, don't you." Derek smiled at the girl. She nodded.

"Yep." She pushed against him, silently telling him she wanted to get down. "Is Ava here yet?" Putting the girl down, he smiled.

"Not yet but Jess and Jackie are in the living room with the girls."

"Okay." The little girl ran and her brother propelled himself out of Matt's arms to follow.

"Robin come to her senses about keeping those two?" Jesse looked at his eldest son.

"Not likely, but thanks for the input dad." Matt looked at the two blond bundles of energy next to his sister, nieces and mother.

"They belong with you the two of you. If she can't see that, then she's not as smart as I thought she was." With Matt, Jesse never held back an opinion or observation. It wasn't in his nature. With Cody and Jess, he never pushed, knowing that their decisions were based on a whole different kind of logic.

"Robin has never been much on family dad, you know that."

"She's been part of this family for twenty two years Matthew. That alone should make her think about these children's well being a little more than she has." Matt looked at Derek for some help but he knew that he wasn't going to get it. If his wife hadn't just given birth those kids would be living with his sister and him.

"I can take them and leave if you're going to interrogate me about my life dad." Jesse looked into his son's eyes and he didn't like what he saw. He saw the fear and anger of a man who was holding too much inside and held too much on his shoulders.

"Leave the kids and go talk to her son. Tell her what she needs to here and make her understand about what these kids are in for if they get shuffled into the system."

"Dad…I just don't know how."

"Tell her about the things you saw when you were in college and spent time with some of those kids that had no place else but the foster care system. Tell her about the ones who slipped through the cracks. You saw it firsthand."

"I haven't thought about that in years."

"You know the people here are different, the families are better but they are so few of them that chances are they'll get shipped to San Francisco and that won't be good." Matt knew that his dad was right.

"I'll talk to her one more time, but I'm pretty sure her answer will be the same." He grabbed a beer and opened it. Looking at his sister, dotting over the four kids like she had been taking care of kids all her life. The first twelve years of her life had been miserable and loveless other than her time here with them.

"Matt, I think she will understand." Derek looked at his wife. "I'm pretty sure she loves you enough to listen."

o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o

Robin sat on the bench overlooking the valley. It had been a long couple of days. It seemed longer without Matt.

"I'm sorry I left without talking it out one last time." The sound of his voice was music to her ears.

"I'm sorry I let you leave." Matt sat down next to his wife.

"I was nineteen when my pre law class did some volunteer work at a homeless shelter. I had never seen such a depressing place in all my life. A bunch of sick kids crying, their parents so sad that they couldn't provide a home for them. Then one day I was working and one of the parents got sick and we had to call an ambulance. They made me stay with the little boy till DSF got there. He told me that I shouldn't be upset, that he had been a foster before, sometimes spending weeks or months in the system. He told me there was good and bad foster parents but he had only seen the bad ones. The ones that do it for the Benjamin's he said. A few weeks later he was dead. The ME's report said head trauma do to a fall off the top bunk. I never could prove differently but I knew that wasn't what happened."

"This is Lake Tahoe Matt."

"You've seen our case files Robin. Domestic abuse is up, the economy sucks and these that have no place to go. Tessa said half the foster parents pulled out because they are barely making it as it is and to add not one but two kids to it and the state is paying minimal reimbursements for care. I know we just got married and I know we never ever talked about kids but honey these kids were lost in the woods for two days. They lost their parents and everything that they knew and loved."

"Like Jess?"

"No not like Jess. She loved us more than she ever loved her birth parents. Her hell was what she was born in. We are just asking for these kids to be put in a system that doesn't always work. They may get lucky and find a home with no fear but even if there is a millimeter of a chance harm may come to them I don't want to send them there." Robin looked at the man she had grown to love over the last twenty two years. His big heart and strong will was what made her love him.

"So if we take them in till we find the perfect home, what happens?" She looked into his eyes. "How will you be able to let them go?"

"We are the perfect home Robin." He smiled. "We can give them the family that they need."

"What about what we need Matt. We've been married six months."

"We've been in each other's life for over twenty years Robin." He stood. "We know each other and I know that you won't let these kids just be shipped off to the first home that comes available. We have enough love to give Kyler and Kylie a really good life Robin. Between us and my family and our friends we can make them so happy."

"I don't know if I'm ready for a family." He looked at her.

"Not to make matters worse but we're not getting any younger Robin." She looked at the man she fell in love with all those years ago. He never gave up without a fight and his stubborn Hawkes pride never let him back down, even if he was wrong.

"You're really going to stake our marriage on these kids Matt?"

"Robin, I love you. I have been in love with you longer than I'm willing to admit, but damn it, those kids need us." He didn't know what more he could say.

"If I say no, what's going to happen to us?" He looked at his wife.

"Then you're not the woman I fell in love with." Looking deep into her husbands eyes she took a deep breath.

"I don't want to mess them up Matt. I grew up in a place that was nothing like growing up with Jesse and Jackie."

"I know that. But I also know that you learned from your parents mistakes and being with us for all these years, you learned a thing or two. One being that you don't have to be born into a family for them to love you like family."

"Jess has always had a place here, even when her parents were alive."

"I want them to have a place here to Robin. We can give it to them. We have a home and space to run and grow. We have horses and dirt bikes and cousins to play with." Robin knew in her heart he was right. She just needed him to make her feel like she had a choice in the matter.

"If I screw them up, I'm blaming you." He smiled and took her into his arms.

"You won't screw them up honey. You have the best role models in Sarah and my mom." And he knew Jess would be the perfect mother to her children too. They had lost a lot over the years, friends, loved ones and family but together they could make it through anything. "So then we are going to keep them?" Matt looked at his wife with soulful eyes.

"Matt, they're not puppies." He laughed.

"I know. I just want this so much, but I want you to be happy about."

"I just want to be sure. I never had much luck with family."

"You're going to do great honey." They walked slowly back to his parents house. Talking about things they should have talked about long before they got married but seemed not so important back then. By the time they reached the front porch they had made progress in figuring out what life held for them and their new found family.

"When are you going to tell Jess about you and JT going to Denver for Kitrick's trial?"

"We're going to keep it from her as long as we can. She wants a piece of this so bad, but I can't risk it."

"She's so much stronger than you give her credit for Matt."

"Jess has done things in her life that could be considered a little…"

"Less then legal?"

"Yeah, I know but that doesn't mean she can't testify does it?"

"It means Kitrick has her little trip to Afghanistan hanging over her. If she testifies, he brings up her little unauthorized trip abroad."

"I thought your dad and JT's dad were going to make sure that was all taken care of?" Matt stopped before he opened the front door.

"They did the best they could but there is still people who know what happened and if they are put on the stand…he knew that some day he would use her bravery and love for Cody against all of us."

"We will get him Matt. If it takes all our resources and the rest of our days on this mountain, we will make him pay for what he did to her and this family." Robin stood on her tip toes and kissed her husband. "He won't get away with it."

"Thank you." They went inside to family and friends. To a new a new life filled with love and laughter and kids running though the mountains. Their mountains. Everyone had lost something or someone in their lives but together they were going to make it through. One day at a time.


End file.
